Hoooooorrrible Nightmare Ever!

This week is my most horrible nightmare for this entire year. I have two deadlines, which all the deadlines make me double-dead. My first deadline is the my internship final report. Thank you to Mrs. Priiida, for the horrible schedules and thank you again to the Kolokium Coordinator whoever you are for the hooorible schedule too. Now I am officially have Prida feeeveeerr.....Gee.

The bad part is I am changing my Kolokium topic, which is mean that I need to change alll the entire chapter, from Latar Belakang Masalah (what I should call it in english?), the theories (a lot of theories), and the Research Method. I need to work on it start from the scratch, from piece to piece and gather it into a beautiful but deadly kolokium proposal. Oh Mai God.

The worst part, is that I finally have to face what I hate. The funny thing is I found out this another life law - at least it always works on me , that what you hate will soon come back to you. Like in this kolokium, I convince myself that I won't and I will never want to "play" two variables in my research paper. For the example, you will have two variables if you pick a topic like " pengaruh x terhadap y". There you go, you have two variables. But I want to play safe by only put single variable in my topic like "opini mengenai x". That's one variable and simple. You don't need to analysis it with some complicated formula and else.

BUT...!!! Once again, my life law work well. I change my topic and I really have a heart in this topic. But yes, this topic is two variables and whether I want it or not, I have to make it two instead of one.

So the moral story of this nightmare story is....don't hate anything. The more you hate something or even someone, they will coming back to you. And like I said, at least that works on me. huhu.

As I struggle in this K class, I admit that sometimes I feel like I want to give it up. But I realize that I am allowed to do this crazy procedure with purposes. I also realize that there is no accident in this world and in this life. Everything were set from the beginning, and if we are allowed to feel something, some experiences even the bad one, that's because it has to be that way. I tried to connect the dots from my past and I am still amaze how even those bad experiences that I had made me become who I am today. I was put in Communication Faculty to meet Vipe, Nita, Yuni, Lili, Tansil, Vonny, etc. and I am thankful for that. And the last, believe that I was put in Husada Utama for my second internship for reasons. :) I don't know what are they yet, but as the time goes by, I think I will found out.

Anyway, I just want to say that everything happen for a reason, or maybe reasons!

We will never know what it is.

But just by believing that there is someOne who really have a bigger power in His hand to make everything happen or not happen, I think that's enough to be a life-time guarantee that our life are going just fine. :D

To my dearest and poor Kolokium friends:

WE WILL FIGHT TOGETHER!!! Owww yeaaahh!!!

key words: horibble, nightmare, crazy.

Different

Haiii good day everyone! It's November 5th and it's Novi and my brother's birthday, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU TWOO!!!!! all the best for you always.

Being different or doing something different or even maybe going through something different is not that easy to get through. I mean, if you going through something that different or not sound like familiar to your society, then you really-really need to have courage in yourself to keep going through what you are going through right now.

What I'm trying to say is I am going through, doing through, walking through something different than my society right now. And really it is not easy to get through it because it is not familiar or you can call it lazim in Indonesia (please don't intepret that I am going through something bad or weird, believe me I am not). I asked so many people about this and they gave me different opinions, each of them. Some of them said they good things even encourage me, which is good. But some of them react negatively at the first time they heard about my story and some of them react still negatively after that anyway. But at some point, I feel tired to hear all their opinions. Not because I don't like to hear what they say about this, it is just tiring.

They say so many things to me and especially to my head, and my thought is like being played by all those different opinions. Sometimes I agree sometimes I don't. Sometimes it make me have courage sometimes it is not. Sometimes I scared sometimes I don't.

And then I realize that I heard too much. I am afraid that if someday I have to make a decision, an important one, and I still heard those different opinions, my decision could be a decision that it's not what I really-really want - what myself really-really want.

So I start to close my ear, just being deaf for a moment. It doesn't mean that I am being stuborn then, but I just really-really want to think about it myself, to figure that this is really-really what I want, because this is me who going through this - not other people. This is my life and I know what the best for me.

People can say anything, opinions differ. But it is my life after all. So it is myself who I need to listen to.

Of course the consequence is that I need to have faith to get through what I already decided. It is not easy, but that the fact of life..you still need to move on. Every decision comes with consequences. If you already decide, then you have to accept the consequences too. That's a life's law. Sometimes it's not easy especially when you stuck in the middle of two or more decisions, which whatever the decision you make will lead you to some bad consequences.

But if you're not decide, your life is not moving on. You are not win or you are not lose. So if you have to face a decision, then decide it. But accept those with the consequences.

Anyway, yesterday was a good day. I went to Tretes with some of my friends and it was really really a one fine escape moment. The weather is good, the scenery is wonderfully beautiful, and the food is awesome. I went to this pondok? gubuk? I don't know what to call but this place has the best seafood in East Java. Well, not all seafood, actually they only have kepiting, udang, and ikan gurame. But those gurame and udang are great. awesome. tasty. Whatever you may call it. My favorite is gurame bakar madu and their udang bakar madu. Awesome.awesome.awesome.

Ooo...I've got an update. The name of the restaurant a la gubuk is Mang engking. Weird name, but wonderful food inside. Worth to try. Yuuuummmm..

Myself and Lili at The Taman Dayu - so damn beautiful (I mean The Taman Dayu.hehe)

Chirstmas is near!!

November is here!
Finally we reach almost the end of the year again and I always love to be around that time. Many good things are going to happen and many good things I expect to be happened in this month and the next month and the next-next months. Lucy are going to come home after almost a year not see her (I miss her badly), that's the good thing that will happen in the end of this month. Yay! And the other good thing I expect to be happened is of course the one and only long lasting pain and suffer of mine, the K thing. I hope I can pass this periode. If not, I will scream out loud. Well at least if I can not scream out loud for real, I can scream here, if that's OK. hoahoahoa.

The next month we will have a chirstmas celebration. I always love christmas. And I really want to celebrate christmas like those western people celebrate christmas. I've seen enough in the film or in DVD how American people get so excited to ceelbrate chirstmas. They go shopping for a big chirstmas tree, they buy chirstmas presents for the entire family and friends, they decorate their house (and the christmas tree) so beautiful, and the important part is...the warmth because of togetherness. The family gather, they share love and stories, laugh and happiness,hug and sing together, you know...do whatever the family tradition they have. With the snow outside the house and the christmas songs you can hear everyhere, it is just..lovely.
Well, I will never have a christmas like that because I live in Indonesia which this country doesn't familiar with snow and my family isn't a type of family who really have concern about christmas. So, what I can do at least is try to make my own chirstmas tradition, later, when I have my own family.

Speaking of having my own family, I recently watched this DVD series titled Brothers and Sisters. Vipe who introduce this to me. The series is about a family, or basically tell a story of relationship between brothers and sisters. And at the end the series showed how precious a family is. The series told me, personally, that at the end of everything, family is all you have. Family is the place you go home to. You will always find love, care, protection, advocacy, and support. Sometimes you can fight with your family, you can have a thousand different thought and argument with them, but at the end of the day, it is still your family you come home to.

Anyway, I've been addicted to something recently. It is called ayam tulang lunak in Indonesian. I don't want to translate it into english because it will sound creepy isn't it? This is...for me...is the bestest fried chicken in the whole world ever! Plus, you can eat it up until the bone of the chicken. It will make your plate come clean and there will be no bones everywhere.

Like I said, I am addicted to it. If I can, I will come to the restaurant everyday. I don't mind, really. But somehow I know it's silly. hauhauhauhau.

I like to introduce a blog, an all-about-health blog created by Dr. Adhi. So if any of you have any interest and big curiosity about health and stuff or maybe you are a health freak and always feel thirsty about health knowledges just visit his: doctoradhi

Be happy always, happy is a good feeling. Have a blessed month everyone!

Die Kolokium Die!!

Happy sunday all. I hope that this day is just going well, not like mine, which mine is a disaster weekend because I have to submit again my proposal for my K class. And this time, the second periode give us a little time, so little time to prepare and submit the proposal. I have to change my topic and so on, and I am stuck in the middl because I don't how exactly I can get an idea for my K topic only in 3 days. I's so dead this time. So this sunday, when I suppose to go to the church and have fun, have a day off - I end up sit in front my computer doing nothing but chat, friendstering, and goggling. Well, I try to work on it, but it is look like my brain don't want to cooperate or something plus my whole body is in pain, and I am tired, exausted,and I can't do something about it all. Yesterday, I have to be a bride LO again for Jubilee with Lili and I work from morning until almost 12 midnight. So my legs are hurt, my back is in pain, and my brain is demonstrating me. I feel dead today. And I think I force myself too much.
This whole K thing is almost kill me. One day, I feel tired enough and I feel like I want to give up. I start to say what if I give up and I don't want to continue this damn whole thing anymore? But the I come to a thought which said that what will you do if you stop? And my other thought said..well, get married. hahaooaoahoa.
But then I decide not to give up. All I need is a time out. But my dearest lectures have a problem with that request, I guess.
I see a quite interesting thing from me and my friends who fight with me in K class. We are in the same class, we fight the thing, and we struggle together. We have different topics, but here what catch my attention. We are in the same concentration: Corporate Communication, but each of us have our own interest. I have my interest in marketing communication and corporate communication. No matter how hard I try, I have no heart in Organizational Communication or Cultural Communication. But Vipe has her intereat in cultural communication and Nita has her interst in Organizational. Lili loves Media Relations, and Yuni loves Crisis Communication. We are all have our own interest and maybe specialty. So do human. Every of us has our own talent. And that's perhaps, which make each of us rare and special.
Ah..ebough talking, back to work.
I really-really need a time out right now. Gee..

MovingFoward

Hola everyone! Hope everything still going well, eventhough the economic situation doesn't say so. But just try to be happy. Happy is a good feeling. Like meee...eventhough my presentation was a nightmare, but I'm quite in a good condition and in a good feeling. hoahaohaoha.. Well, maybe that's because I have the other good news to cover my biiiggg dissapointment about the K thing. ehehehe.. Well, at least I'm fine. After the long-torturing weekends I spent for this K thing, I think I need to relax for a little while. So I start with hangout with my dearest bestest friend Jack, just to forget everything bad and spent a time to share about anything with him. I love hanging around with him. He is a good friend and I value him a lot. Everyone who never know us see that we could be in a more-than-a-friend condition. But I really hope that he could be my best friend forever. I don't want more or less than that, believe me.

The next day I spent my weekend with Yuni and Eunike, which is it's like a reunion after months because Yuni and Eunike went to Jakarta for their internship before.

Then the next next day, I went to the church with my ond friends Dewi, Jackson, Reagan, and Eo. Ahhh...I always love to see them.

So that's how I spent my weekend last weekend, by meeting, talking, sharing, eating (I ate a lot. I run out energy for months so this is a good timing to, you know, put my energy back to my body ), walking, and doing anything I don't care. I just need a refreshment before I get back to the next K class this week.

Recenty, I tried one or two or maybe many-many things that I never did before. I am moving on. Well, it doesn't mean that I'm not moving not before this, but this time...I really-really act moving on. I did things people do when they move on. And the most important thing is I made myself make a breakthrough, a big one, that I never made before. If you remember my latest entry about someone over my age and my social life, that's what I'm talking about. It is not easy, but I think I made it step by step. I'm not decide yet, I don't dare yet. But I think when I am sure about this whole two different world stuffs and I am ready to face what I'm suppose to face, I know what decision I am going to make.

So thank you to many-many persons for keeping my thought on the right track, and always supporting me in many different ways (include you Jack, which your first reaction is very-very "helping". haha. Anyway, thanks.) I still wish I'm choosing the right not the wrong.

Anyway, my monitor is new. Yayyy!!! And I start to enjoy my internship. Today, my mentor in the office offered me a job in Husada Utama. But what a shame, I'm not graduate yet, so I have to postpone that. I end up my internship officially this wednesday. I'm going to miss HU and the people there and I hate to say goodbye. I will miss Mbak Niken, Mbak Erna, Mbak Sandra, Mbak Wiwik, Mbak Mirna, Pak Nyo, Dr. D, Dr. D's son - Zacky - he is a cccuuuttteee little boy (Gosh, I love that kid very much), Dr. Sawitri, Dr. Koemala, Dr. Heru, Dr. Hartoyo, Dr. Sony, Bu Sari, Bu Santi, Pak Reza, and so on. They are great and nice to me. Very very nice to me. And I am so thankful for that.

Oohhh I still hate to say goodbye. I hate goodbyes. huhuhuhu.

I capture my last day in the Husada Utama

MyPreciousMonitor

I don't know what happen with me recently, but it is like all the wrong things just come up to me all in one same time. Remember the virus (damn you virus) that took away my precious kolokium files? The next day after the incident, I found out that MY MONITOR...MY PRECIOUS MONITOR IS JUST... R.I.P. I don't know what happen and the important thing is whhhhhyyy...why you, the monitor, choose to end your life in the crucial timing like this??? Aaaaarrrghh....hate you monitor, damn you monitor, screw you monitor!! The monitor finally getting better after 5 hours later. But the brightness isn't very bright or you can call it dark. Imagine this, just adjust your brightness function in your monitor into the darkest level. Then voila, that's exactly the condition of my monitor's brightness now. I think I need a new monitor. I have to have a new monitor. So pai-pai old monitor, and welcome new monitor I don't know when. I need to finish my kolokium stuff first which btw, this friday is my preciouskolokium presentation day. Oh..My...God.
I put all my efforts, my energy, my thoughts, my all..to this K thing. So I just hope everything is going well, as I hope. As I do really-really hope.
After that monitor incident, my bad luck isn't just stop there. I found out later that I run out the paper and then I found out that I run out the ink. This whole K thing is killing me softly. Now I catch a cold, my head is dizzy, my throat hurt, and I still have a presentation to go on Friday. And I'm not prepare yet. Poor me.

Speaking of a new topic, Bu sari, a doctor administrative officer in Husada Utama said to me today about an age difference between a man and a women in a relationship. She said that a man with a big difference in age with a women (in a relationship context) will have a better understanding, will have a better care for his wife rather than a man with an equal or small difference in age with his wife. He will be more mature and financially mature. Well she said all that stuff to me with a "purpose"" of course. But it lead me to a thought in my head, and I realize it maybe true. If you marry someone with an equal or less or more age, you probably will get fight a lot, you argue a lot, because you have your ego and so does your couple. But if you marry someone let say, 10 years difference at age, he will be more...in Javanese you call it ngemong. What is ngemong in english btw?

But the strange thing is when I realize this is true, my other logic thought can not accept that. Well, maybe that's because I've surrounded by men and women at my age. But when it is time for me to meet someone far from my age, my society circle, my 21 age life - which the time is now - then it is time for to decide too. I know I have to fight the battle in my thought which is very hard to beat. Very hard. I don't know where it could be end up, but I hope everytime I make a decision, I make a right decision. Because I know, one I make a decision, it will lead me to a big step of my life and I will never be able to look back.

I'm dizzy.dizzy.dizzy.dizzy.dizzy.dizzy.dizzy.dizzy.dizzy.dizzy

MYPRECIOUSKOLOKIUM

First of all, Happy Lebaran for those who celebrate. Maapkan.maapkan.maapkan segala kesalahan saya selama ini.hoahaohoa.

I don't know why, I feel like I'm not in the mood to write anything except of my K proposal. Next week is my dead week, because I have to do the presentation so I feel like I really-really not in the mood to do anything unimportant. Well, that's my real deal from me to myself. But the fact said the opposite. I didn't touch the computer even friendster for almost a week and by that fact, it meant I never touch my proposal at all. ehehehe.

This is the first day since weeks ago I touch the keyboard, ready to work on my proposal, prepare anything for next week.ow yeah. fight!

But this morning when I want to open my kolokium folder in my flash disk, I found something shocking and reallu really make me dead. I lost all the forders in the FD and that include my kolokium folders!!!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaa......!!!!!!! This must be because of virus from..I don't know from where eating my folders....

MYPRECIOUSKOLOKIUMFOLDER...

HUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHU.

My God..I'm so dead.

Whhyyyy....whyyyy from all those files in my FD, you choose to eat the most important precious godly holly kolokium files???? The other scary fact is I have to submit my final proposal by next monday. I'm double dead. I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm d.e.a.d.

Later like there is a light bulp above my head, I check my back up files in my D drive anddddd TING!! thank God I, by luck still have the back up files eventhough it's not the latest update files. ahakahakahak. At least I do not need to work from the very start. If it happen, maybe I will scream and call everyone I can call just to grumble about this big loss in my academic life.

Die you virus. Hate you virus. Screw you virus. Damn you virus.

%$@$@$#%^#$#$%#%#!!!!

So this is me taking a break from my almost-loss-of-my-kolokium-files-in-my-FD-shock-therapy. I just pray that there is nothing happen with my computer until next week, so I can finish and prepare my presentation well. Ossshh..

These weeks, my head is just like evaluate something which relate with boyfriend/girlfriend and husband/wife thing. I heard so many stories which said that in the time you were in a realtionship with a girl or a boy, he or she will be nice to you. You only see the good side of her/him. But after ou getting married, unfortunately all you see is just the real side of your couple, which sometimes you can't juts accept it. So it's kind of shock in the time you realize the truth. Then the anger, the fights, and the divorce word come out just that easily.

So I've been analyze this situation. What's wrong? who is wrong? And what to be fixed to make those kind of situation never happen again especially for me?

So I come up with conclusion which is for me it is work (and hopefully it is work), that we don't need to pretend to be someone else to impress the one we love. Love accept everything we are and that include our weaknesses. If you don't accept the bad thing, then the love isn't complete. It isn't love. Just be yourself and be your truly self.

One more thing I know is we marry a person not based on how rich his family is, how handsome or beautiful he or she is, how gifts he or she ever give you. It will all gone by time.

We marry a person based on how faithful he/she is, how kind and how he/she honor us, how he/ she tell and show that he/she loves you through the way he/she treats you and how he/she make you feel everyday.

Someone worth enough to be by your side, through thick and thin, and be a happy couple forever.

And those kind of search.....never easy to be found. So lucky you, if you already found it. Treasure it well. =)

p.s:

1. F1 Singapore is rocks! So stupid of Massa, he lost it all in a blink of eyes.

2. I watched the Pursit of Happyness yesterday, and I was a good film. It said...if everything fails, count yourself and yourself only. Don't let someone tell you that you can't do anything. You can do anything.

3. I listened to this song a lot recently, A man who can't be moved. This is a good song with stupid yet loveable lyric. But I wonder if there is a man who actually do that in the real life.

A man who can't be moved lyric

4. Finallyyyyyyy, I have my own SIM and I have my new KTP. hip hip huraaayy!

5. Chuck season 2 is coming!! oww yeah.

6. I watched a korean film titled A man once a superman. I got this from Vipe (you can read the entire story of the film in her blog: We're all can be a superman), this is a really good movie. It said that no need t have a superpower to be a superman or friends of superman like batman, robin,wonder women, or else. All you need is a superheart inside of you. Superheart enough to help others, not a big help but every little things around us. I like the wonder women lasso scene in that film. Oh..I will tell you later. I enough talking here.

Gotta go! Happy holiday all!

Palm Hands

Being in the hospital area for a period of time, make whoever around there have to sosialize themselves to interact with doctors. And for me is no exception. Being in the hospital everyday in almost two months now, make me have a lot of friends. Doctor kind of friends.

I introduce you dr. Koemalawati, she is a neurology specialize doctor and dr. Sawitri, she is eyes specialize doctor. This two doctors plus Bu Sari, doctors' administration officer and me, is a new group in the building. Sometimes the other doctors join us, and it makes me know the other doctors. I like to know them, meet them, hang out with them, and I am quite feel surprise to realize that they are doctors. I mean.. this whole time, all I know from a doctor is they wears a white atribute, looks cool and smart, detect our disease, and cure it, then bai-bai and thank you. No emotional attach.

But here, I know the different side of doctors life. In fact, they are human too, they sosialize with others, joke, tell stories, and they even good at..you know, pairing other people. So everytime they try to pairing me with this one doctor, all I can do is smile. If they're salesmen or saleswomen, not doctors, I believe they are going to be great salesmen and women. haohaohaooaa.

Today, I have this interesting thing happen. Dr. Koemala, surprisingly has this talent to read lines in palm hand. This is what she said in the time she read my hand:

My career is so-so. She even said that I am probably going to be housewife or something. But my husband is the one whohas a great career and else.

I will have a long life (oh..thank God if this happen.)

I will get married not in the long time again, she mean not in the age 30 and so on. (ohoho)

I will have a husband who has the same thought and the same heart and vision with me. (when she said this, I said "well, every couple must have a different thought." . then she said no, not always. "

I am not easily fall in love with someone. (amazingly, this is true. I just nod my head when she said this.)

In my future life, I will meet my husband once and for all. She mean like I will meet this right guy at one moment of time and - hopefully - have my happily ever after.

I know at least in my religion, I forbid to believe in any kind of prediction or whatever you may call it but in God. And I believe in God. But it still will look amazing if those prediction complete what God had planned for me (which only He the one who know until it happen in my life)

Still I remember something happened almost a year ago, when an American pastor prayed for me and said so many things about me, which is exactly me. He said that writing is truly my talent, so use it well. He said that I am a visionary person, I always look far more in the future everytime I plan something (which make me always have backup plans), and so many things else. This pastor never met me before, never knew me before, but he knew so many things about me. If it's not God, then he must be a great great liar. Well.. I believe that is a God's work through him though.

So I just going to let it all flow. What other option I have, huh? But there is something I think along with this palm hand reading session with my doctor friends. Fate will bring all of us to our destiny. To our soulmate. But what if in the real world, someone you always love isn't always be your soulmate? How you going to throw away that feeling -love- while you are destined to be together with your soulmate?

my K thing is near. >.<

Prayers

Have you ever feel so worry about something like you think you are the only one who could save youself? Like there is no one there to help you and you almost think that if you can not do this or you can not fix this or you can not reach this, no one can. I did. And it was a horrible feeling. I torture myself with those kind of worry feeling inside me and sadly, sometimes I don't realize it. I worry about my K thing too much (well you can ask Nita, she is the one who knew how panic and worry I was. uahuahuahua), I worry about my future plan that I planned and I'm afraid it won't be a reality. I worried about many else. Then here come the rescue for me, the priest or whatever you may call it in my church last sunday talked about worries. He quoted Matthew 6: 25 about worries. The priest, Pdt. Paulus Bambang is an ordinary man. But as he talk, I know this masn isn't that ordinary. He is a vice president of PT. United Tractors which it is a biiiigg company in Indonesia. And I'm kind of surprise because that kind of company has a great vice president who also a priest. Something I rarely found or perhaps it is me who never heard that kind of thing in my life. haha

Anyway, Mr. Paulus told us not to worry about everything that happen in our life. He, God, know what happen with you and He do care for you. So we don't need to worry about one or two or maybe million things in front of us, because look at the verse at Matthew, He even take care the birds in the sky! So I end up with cry that day, feeling so sorry to Him, realizing that all this time I was too worried about something to another something. I wasted my energy, my thought, my everything, and the most important I felf like I waste God.

I forgot about Him.

One more thing the pastor said to all of us that night, say right, think right, and do right.

You must say right by keep saying thank you for the belssing God gave you. You msut think right that God is care for you and He know everything that you face, and you must do right - keep doing right even everything or evetyone surround you do the opposite.

Once again! I don't try to preach here. I'm not good at it, believe me. hahahaa. All I want to say is, except that you are atheis or something, God is exist and sometimes we forget that. We work hard, we keep struggle and stress up about one problem and we think that we are on our own. We are not on our own. There is someone watching over us. The only problem is sometimes we don't realize it that soon.

On the other story, last week I visited NICU ( it is like an ICU, but this is for babies who have serious problems and need an intensive care) and there was twins!! Baby boy twins who are really really cute and lovely. They are very small and very awesome! I wish I could put on of them in my arm but I think I will get a slap from the nurse rather than have my wish come true. hoahoahoahoahaha. But poor the baby because one of them have to wear like repiratory or something to help their lungs develope perfectly. The baby cried so loud because he feel hurt and not comfortable with the machine, and when the baby cried, all I did was walk away from the incubator right away. (Ok, I start to confuse about the grammar. hahaha. OMG dragon.)

Now I believe the words that said that how miracle it is a mother deliver a baby into the world.

A human being from a human being.

At the end of my hospital walking that day, I saved a little time to pray - a silent pray- for the twins, wishing them a great future and life. I think I need to start, to save a little more time to pray - a silent pray - for more people around me, because who know, those silent prayers heard by God and who know, those silent prayers end up blessing other people.

p.s: my K examination is near. OMG. (_ _") My internship will be over in a month. oooowww yeaaaah!

haha..I just got this in my email:

AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart (Jan 20 - Feb 18) Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and unique. Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality.

What do you think?

Thankful

Being in the hospital area six days a week for almost one month really open my eyes about many things, especially about health. For all this time, I never miss one single day without feeling thankful to God about my health. I realize that I am in a good condition, and that's what I thankful about. But I never really-really thankful enough for a bigger-detail thing about my health.

I felt bored once in the beginning of my internship and I end up draw octopuses. A lot of it. ehehehe..But now I am very busy searching and writing one article to another article, about non medic articles to medic articles. So far, I already wrote about movie, travel and living (I wrote about Wakatobi Island in Sulawesi, and it is like heaven on earth. If you love diving, you have to go there.), how to enjoy wine, and so on. The medic article I wrote is about Whole Body MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging).

Recently, I have a job to design an advertising about MSCT (Multi Slice Computed Tomography) Cardiography. Well, actually I only have to compose a message that sell the CT Scan 64 Slice machine. So I begin to observe and ask the doctor about the CT Scan machine and the important part is what's to scanned. The name is dr. Nugroho and he is a heart specialize. He is a great and nice doctor, and he told me a lot of things about CAD or coronary artery disease. In Indonesia you can say it penyakit jantung koroner, which is very deathly and come up suddenly without early warning or symptoms. He is the one who make me learn a lot of things about heart especially CAD. He gave me alot of pdf files about the CAD and MSCT 64 Slice so even I am freak out because I have to understand one strange medical word to another, I learn a lot about CAD.

I watched someone did the CT scan process, I watched dr. Nugroho analyzed the CT Scan image, I watched someone did the cateter, and he showed me what is exactly the cause of the CAD. There is a plaque there in the Coronary artery which make the blood doesn't flow well. And when the plaque cover the whole artery, that's when you die.

The causes are a lot. Hypercholestrolemia or hyper cholestrol, diabete, smoking, obesite, family history in CAD, age, stress level, and so on. And from that point I know, that what we eat define what we are inside.

My mom keep telling me for all this time that a food that fried is not good. It is bad. BUt I never fully understand what is the bad side? Or maybe I know it is bad, because my mom tell me so. I never really-really understand what it is bad. But now I know. I know it is bad because the fat from the deep fried food is running with our blood in our body. And if you keep maintain how you eat that way, it accumulate and you know where it end.

I learn a lot about health and I've got a whole new experience and knowledge that I never imagine before. And guess what! I don't like veggie before. I avoid it over and over. But now, I will eat whatever vegetable is on the table. I eat and I don't ask. I eat for my health.

One more thing about the cause of CAD is the stress level. My mom once again always said that stress invite diseases. And she is actually right! So that is why I always train myself to be happy. I don't want to be stress. I want to be happy and will do anything to be happy. I can be very thankful for what I already have instead of what I don't have and I can't have. The choice is in our very hand. So dance and sing if you want, laugh and hug if you want..if it's what you need to feel happy. Happy is a good feeling.=D

So at the end, this is how I thankful to God about my health. I thankful because You make and still make my blood runs well, I thankful because You allow to move my feet so I can walk normally, I can move my hands so I can hold anything normally, I thankful to You because You make my heart beats, You still make me breath normally, You still allow my brain to work properly.

I thankful not because I have to say I thank you.

I thankful because I know what I have to thankful for.

And You really open my eyes and make me see more clearly than before.

So I am thank you to You.