Jul 23, 2009

We-Just-Do-Not-Fit-Anymore?

Have you ever heard some people tell you the reason why they broke up is because they do not fit with each other. Or in Indonesian, some people translate it into “tidak cocok lagi”. I wonder, what if, in the first place a couple is really really fall in love with each other so everything looks perfect and match with each other too. They have the spark, the have the “click” feeling, they complete each other. But then they get married. As we all know, marriage isn’t that easy and cheerful as the wedding party. Marriage is a hard work (I’m not married yet, but at least I know slightly from this Fireproof film). There will be a lot of misunderstanding, there will be a lot of new adaptation with the habits, there will be a lot of expect more give less things along the way.
If you already married, and then you finally realize that there’s one or maybe two things you can not accept anymore from your couple, are you going to say that we don’t fit anymore and then get a divorce paper or something? Or will you rather continue the marriage life, your whole life, accepting those do-not-fit-anymore things?


So the question is, is the term “tidak cocok lagi” means you fit with each other at the first place but after that you realize that you do’t fit anymore? The next big question is, are you already try with the whole you which means that you try to change everything necessary to fit each other again? Or are you just see the fact that you don’t fit anymore then leave it?
So the next bigger question would be, what if you found out the do-not-fit-anymore things AFTER the marriage? Will you easily say that I don’t fit anymore and then you get divorce?
I learn a lot of things about marriage life from Fireproof film. I learn that people are change over time. So it will take a lifetime learning to learn someone, especially the one we committed to live with. You are not allowed to give up to learn them and it takes the whole you to do that. You give more and expect less, you change yourself more and still expect less, you try more and expect less.


Like in my religion, in your marriage you have to reflect the love that Jesus has for you. He gave everything and even his life to show how much He loves us. He never asked for something in return.
That’s what you do, when you really love someone. You give love that proven by doing everything you can and expect nothing in return.


Could it be work too on a relationship?