Till Death Do Us Part

I had this nightmare few nights ago. It was a blur but the feeling was real. I felt scared, I felt losing something. Something scary so that I can't even say it right now. And it leads me to one statement, that you don't know how it hurt to lose someone you love, until they're gone. I heard this statement million times, but I never truly understand the meaning. But now I understand, and it changed me since then.

I remember when I was 11 or 12, I cried in silent in my bed one night, pretending what if my mother and father is gone? Who am I gonna be with? What if I am left all alone just with sister and brother? And that thought made me very much frightened and all I can do was crying and crying.

And few days ago, I had the same fear. I had a bad dream and it led me to feel the same fear all over again. But this time, I am afraid I'm going to lose my mother since my father passed away when I was 13. I fully realize that everyone is going to die someday somehow. And I'm just afraid that someday it happen and I feel like not ready to face it. First I'm afraid I'm not ready to be alone without her, and then I'm afraid I haven't good enough to her. I owe her millions and for me the best way to pay it back is now, before she go back there, if you know what I mean.

And that thought, unconsciously, leads to how I treat her. I treat way much better. I keep remind myself that that's the only and best way to pay someone who really deserves it from the beginning. She's been fighting for me, defend me, love me, take care of me, educate me, and protect me. Like I said, I owe her millions.

I don't want to feel regret, I avoid that. So I try to appreciate what I have and try to keep it well. I believe the best way to made it up to someone is by treating them right. I won't complain if I have to drive my mother somewhere. I won't complain if she ask me to do something boring. I won't complain if I have to pay something I don't buy but for her. I won't complain as I start remember how much I am going to miss her when she gone someday.

And it make me to change the way I pray. I prayed a lot before this. I ask for an answer for my personal matter. I ask for many things, but for myself. But now, I only pray for one thing. I ask God to bless my family, my mother, my brother, and sister, and the home we live in. I don't ask God to bless me at all. I just ask Him to bless my family. I do this because I have my eyes opened that my family is the only certain thing I have, the only real thing I can hold on to when my world is dissapear. Besides, I know God will bless me even when I don't ask him to.

All I'm saying is if you realize how much the time worth especially when you are with someone you love. Not only parents, but your lover, husband or wife maybe, your brother, your sister, your children. Time flies so fast and sometimes we don't realize it.

We think we still have so much time. But I tell you, we don't.

There's nothing certain in a man's life except this: That he must lose it. ~Aeschylus, Agamemnon

500 Days Of Summer

Have you watched this movie?You have to watch it, especially for girls! This is a sweet, touching, yet it is light movie :)

When I watched this movie for the first time, I felt light. This movie is almost like a fairytale about reality. This is a story that could happen to all of us. You met a person, you fell for them, but it didn't worked out well. You have tried again, but it failed anyway. After your heart-broken period is over, suddenly you're bump into someone that you know, s/he is the one (again).

Personally I love the main actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt (love love him so much), he has this charisma thing with him so everytime I see his smile in the movie, I just melt away :p

But I love Zooey Dechanel too. She is super sweet, weird (in the movie),and so vintage! OMG, her outfits on that movie is so 80's but she fits it!

In the movie, Summer chose the other man to be married with, instead with Tom. When Tom asked why, Summer said that she finally knew about her husband what she never was sure about Tom. That leads me to a question, WHAT IS IT? What made you said that "you sure about your husband, but not with Tom"? Tom is sweet, he is kind, he is sweet and kind and everything!

So if Tom claimed that he already found the one on Summer, but Summer didn't felt the same way, meaning they're not the one for each other?

If it's a yes, then it's clear that someday soon we'll find the other right person, just like Tom found Autumn, right? :)

To Kill A Mockingbird (is a sin)

This is my all time favorite novel created by Harper Lee, To Kill A Mocking Bird.

It is a pretty story told from innocence side of a six year kid, Scott Finch (it’s a girl btw). The story itself is about a lawyer, who happen to be Scott’s father Atticus, was appointed to defend a black man slave. The black man was accused of raping a you white women and then later was proved to be innocence.

This is a story about racial justice and how Harper Lee want to say through Atticus’ words on the book that even we’re black or even we are white, we are born to be equal. No one can treat the other person with different skin color badly. This story is also tells us about prejudice and love. That we are not suppose to accuse a person if there is no proof s/he did that.

I browsed about To Kill A Mocking Bird on wikipedia and found this truly meaning of the book title:

Songbirds and their associated symbolism appear throughout the novel. The family’s last name of Finch also shares Lee’s mother’s maiden name. The titular mockingbird is a key motif of this theme, which first appears when Atticus, having given his children air-rifles for Christmas, allows their Uncle Jack to teach them to shoot. Atticus warns them that, although they can “shoot all the bluejays they want”, they must remember that “it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird”. Confused, Scout approaches her neighbor Miss Maudie, who explains that mockingbirds never harm other living creatures. She points out that mockingbirds simply provide pleasure with their songs, saying, “They don’t do one thing but sing their hearts out for us.Writer Edwin Bruell summarized the symbolism when he wrote in 1964, “’To kill a mockingbird’ is to kill that which is innocent and harmless—like Tom Robinson (the black man).

I learnt a lot of moral stuffs from this book, especially about prejudice thing. I admit that sometimes I can grow a bad prejudice about someone in my head, and when I do that, I already making a bad accuse to that person. I feel guilty when I do that :(

But I try to not accuse someone in my mind. There’s gotta be a reason and there must be a story why s/he did that particular thing. For me, bad prejudice is the cruelest silent thing human being can do. It will lead to something more ugly.

Beside the moral story, what I like about To Kill A Mocking Bird is the quotes. What Jem, Scott, and Dill’s had in mind, how the do the conversation and spill out what they think, and especially, Atticus’ words. I like his character the most, and that’s because he is a wise and nice man. His words is really astounding in some way:

I think I’ll be a clown when I get grown,” said Dill. “Yes, sir, a clown…. There ain’t one thing in this world I can do about folks except laugh, so I’m gonna join the circus and laugh my head off.” “You got it backwards, Dill,” said Jem. “Clowns are sad, it’s folks that laugh at them.” “Well, I’m gonna be a new kind of clown. I’m gonna stand in the middle of the ring and laugh at the folks.” ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 22

The one place where a man ought to get a square deal is in a courtroom, be he any color of the rainbow, but people have a way of carrying their resentments right into a jury box. As you grow older, you’ll see white men cheat black men every day of your life, but let me tell you something and don’t you forget it - whenever a white man does that to a black man, no matter who he is, how rich he is, or how fine a family he comes from, that white man is trash. ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 23, spoken by the character Atticus

And this the best part that always makes me smile, everytime I read it:

I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It’s when you know you’re licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do.

~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 11, spoken by the character Atticus

Film Marathon and Foodism

I am going to have a long Lebaran holiday on Sept 8th - 13th. And since I don’t go anywhere this holiday season (and I kinda hate it) so I have to plan what am I going to do during the holiday. First thing in my mind is movie marathon. And the second thought is food hunting. So this is my overview plan for my holiday:

Movie marathon #1: Monk Season 5

I know this movie is an old tv series so it’s kinda hard to find the old seasons. I have to book to get it, but until today, i still can’t get the exact season I want. I pray so I can get it before the hols.

Movie Marathon #2: Sex and The City the movie

I didn’t watched the movie on its premiere because my boyfriend didn’t want to watch it, so I have to watch it alone..in dvd. All I want to see from that movie is the style, the fashion, the absolute high-end lifestyle.

Movie Marathon #3: Scrubs season 1 and 2

I bought the dvds months ago, but I’m a big fan of it. So I stop watch it, and buy another title. But since it’s a long holiday and I’ve got nothing much to do, so I guess it’s the best time to suck it up into your eyes and try to enjoy the movie.

Movie Marathon #4: Merlin

I am a huge fan of Historia Brittonum, I love King Arthur, Merlin, the knights of the round table, Queen Anne, and else. Usually, I really do not into magic thing. But this Magic Merlin really really caught my attention to watch the movie.

Movie Marathon Wish List: Chuck Season 4 and grey’s Anatomy season 7

I really wish the newest season of these two tv series will be coming out soon! AMEN!! :D

This is for the food:

Food Fiesta #1: Mie Ujung Pandang/ Makassar

Food Fiesta #2: Steak Hut (I am really really curious about its steak)

Food Fiesta #3: Taiwan’s Shihlin Street Snack

Food Fiesta #4: Golden Rama’s Dim Sum

Food Fiesta #5: Golden Jade

Food Fiesta #6: Hachi Hachi Bistro or Bentoya

Food Fiesta #7: Roti Canai + curry

Food Fiesta #8: Layar Seafood

Food Fiesta #9: Bubur Ayam Jakarta

I knooooow it’s a lot, but I list it as a backup in case they are close during the Lebaran holiday.

Only one wish dear God, please don’t make me gain weight pleaseee :D

High School Reunion

Just had a great reunion with my 10th grade high school friends yesterday at Bon Ami Restaurant. To be honest, it always good to see your old pals, nothing can change the craziness, the silly things we did back then - things that only once we did it, in high school.

And look where we are right now. Standing in the middle of year 2010, almost 8 years since we were in high school. And look again where those 8 years brought us to. 8 years ago, I sat in that classroom wore those white and dark grey uniform, with my "culun" face. I remember I never passed physic, chemistry, and math. I did good on biology and history. I remember we were undisciplined, we escaped, and we were much unrespected the teachers.

But what I remember the most in the 10th grade is how we create a gank and we used the character names in Meteor Garden-a famous Taiwanese television show. We named it Bul-Bul Gank and it consisted 'Sanchai, 4 cowok jagoan dan 5 penghibur".

After the 10th grade, life brought us to our own path of life. After we were graduated, some of us left Indonesia for studied abroad and we didn't much chance to meet up and gather. So this kind of thing we did yesterday, is always a nice and worth thing to do.

Organize more than 5 people to meet up at some exact time and date and place is a hardcore.Everyone have their own agenda and it's kinda tiring sometimes to organize them. But like what I said, it's worthed. Even, we discovered one or two things we didn't noticed before! David brought his Macbook and showed us our pictures back in 10th grade. I was full ashamed with my own in those pictures, but hey..I guess that was one of many things that make me who I am right now, right?

Everyone evolves, and as much as I can see, me and them, we evolve better year by year.

8 years ago, I was just a "tawdry" teenage with those geeky face. And today, I become a person. I am proud of it :)

It is hard to convince a high-school student that s/he will encounter a lot of problems more difficult than those of algebra and geometry.
Edward W. Howe

Near Death Experience

I just watched the re-run of Kick Andy Show on Metro TV,they discussed about near death experiences.They have 4 resource persons who had this kind of experience before.They shared good and inspiring stories but one story catch my attention is this first resource person. She is a middle age person and was dying until she was pronounced dead by the doctors.Then she said that once she felt like died,there was 2 angels pulled her spirit out from her body.She said she can see her own body while she was pulled out from it.Then the angel who she claimed to have the exact same face,asked her..who is your God?
She is an islam so she answered according to her religion.The angel asked her again,who's your father and mother?Then she answered again.
After that,she was seated by the angel and the right side of her there was a women.The women is like the personal guardian angel if I can say it in my own terms.
She's been shown a lot of things,a lot of people down there received horrible and eternal punishment because of their sins during their life in this world.

Well,I know the almost same story like this years ago from my pastor Philip Mantofa from Mawar Sharon Church.He was once experienced a trip to hell, he was shown the same horrible things like the women in kIck Andy Show.So I do believe that a place like that is exist!

At the end of the show,the host asked an expert and also a researcher about the near death experience,and he answered like this-more or less:
That after we come to a death experience,we're going to see our record of life.What we did during our lifetime,good and bad.What we did to other people-good and bad.How's our habit-good or bad.We're going to be judged of how we live this life.The expert said that everything we do and everything we say is recorded,and it will be played back in our judgement day.
He also said that if we do good things in life,we're going to experience a "nice and easy" death experience,and vice versa.

I do believe on those such things.I believe in karma.What we give is what you get in return.I have to appreciate the time I have to do a lot of good things for other people.
And I believe this is also true:

That sometimes God will visiting you in a unpredictable way :)

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Serendipity

One of my friend once asked me, do you believe in coincidence? I said no, I think everything is well planned. i believe God is exist and He is the one who rules. Our life is not a coincidence, our life was designed from the time we were existed in our mother’s womb. Every obstacles I’ve been through, every problems I’ve been faced, every tears and laughters, it’s all designed to make us better somehow. if our life is consist of one coincidence to another coincidence, how great that coincidence must be!

But there is one kind of coincidence that I love, it is calledserendipity. I heard the word the first time from a movie played by Kate Beckingsale and John Cusack with the same word as the title. This movie has its own charm to me. It’s funny and super romantic. I love the film’s setting which in Rockefeller Center, NYC - my first priority place to go if I have any chance to go anywhere I like. But what I love the most from this film is how the universe conspired to meet two person from different continents in one significant place and make them feel something and then dare to chase something they believe. As you see, Jonathan dare to break up with his fiancée, Sara on the other side do the same thing. Sara fly back from London to New York to find her “one night romance”, and so do Jonathan. But it’s all about timing. They finally meet in Rockefeller Center, in the time they almost feel like giving up.

Well, I know some ppl think it’s cliche, but for me it’s the way the whole universe tells you that you’re meant to be together..at least at that very moment.

And here are my favorite lines from the movie:

Jonathan: So are you gonna meet your boyfriend now or what?

Sara: No, I think he’s out probably doing what you’re doing.

Jonathan: Getting a crush on somebody else’s girlfriend? No, I’m sorry, I just meant I had a really nice time. You know, maybe you should give me your phone number. Just in case.

Sara: In case of what?

Jonathan: In case of life. I just had a really great time and for all we know I wouldn’t be able to find you again.

Sara: Well, if we’re meant to meet again, we’ll meet again. it’s just not the right time now.

Jonathan: Maybe we’re supposed to meet on British time and we’re five hours too early.

Dean: Jonathan Trager, prominent television producer for ESPN, died last night from complications of losing his soul mate and his fiancee. He was 35 years old. Soft-spoken and obsessive, Trager never looked the part of a hopeless romantic. But, in the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche. This hidden quasi-Jungian persona surfaced during the Agatha Christie-like pursuit of his long reputed soul mate, a woman whom he only spent a few precious hours with. Sadly, the protracted search ended late Saturday night in complete and utter failure. Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous Trager secretly clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Uh-uh. But rather, its a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan. Asked about the loss of his dear friend, Dean Kansky, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author and executive editor of the New York Times, described Jonathan as a changed man in the last days of his life. “Things were clearer for him,” Kansky noted. Ultimately Jonathan concluded that if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call “fatum”, what we currently refer to as destiny.

Jonathan: Let’s go do something.
Sara: Alright, what d’ya wanna do?
Jonathan: I don’t care.
Sara: Alright, come on.

Jonathan: This is the ultimate blend to drink. Howd you find thisplace?

Sara: I first came in because of the name: Serendipity. Its one ofmy favorite words

Jonathan: It is? Why?

Sara: Its such a nice sounding word for what it means: a fortunateaccident.

And this is its soundtrack you must check out (especially the lyric):

When You Know - Shawn Colvin

I believe in destiny. It will lead us to meet the exact right person, in the right time, in the right place, in the right moment,….serendipity.

What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked out together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.

G-Day

Happy Graduation for some of my friends who go to Petra Christian University! You guys must be feeling awesome today! Well enjoy! because real world is suck. hahaha

The last few days, I was preparing something for one of my friend who will be graduated tomorrow. The common gift to give for graduation is a flower bouquet. I received a beautiful flower bouquet for my grad myself. The first day, the flowers was still fresh and beautiful and smell good.the second day, the small part of the flowers was withered. And within a week, it was a dried flowers.

So I have an idea, how if I give this friend of mine something unsual. Something out of ordinary? I come up with an idea to give her a doll with a graduation hat (I don’t know what it’s called)! So I choose a doll (I choose a lion,please don’t ask me why because I don’t know T.T) and ask the store staff to customize the doll with a graduation hat and an artificial flower (to indicate that the lion is a female.hahahaha). I pick up the doll tonight. Hopefully it will be exactly like I imagine.
The next thing is the card. It will be an apologize card and a congratulations card. An apologize card because I can’t go to her graduation. I really want to go but I have this problem with transportation and stuffs. And like I said earlier about writing a greeting card, I customize it a little bit. And since I don’t know how to use a photoshop, and since this notebook doesn’t have a photoshop program, so I use Paint and Microsoft Office Picture Manager. And the template is from Canon Creative Park (thank God for this!).And this is my Graduation Card for her (please don’t laugh):

Not bad right?hahahaa…

Last but not least,

You have brains in you head. You have feet in yor shoes. You can steer yourself
in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
You’re a girl who’ll decide where to go. -Dr. Seuss

Happy Graduation Kosi, Eo, and others! Rock and Roll!

The Gift To Give

One of my friend asked her followers, what’s the best gift that she possibly give for her parents on their 25th anniversary? I said to her, throw them a surprse party! Then she said, they will be in Korea or Japan on that spesific date. I replied, make a reservation in the best romantic restaurant, let they have a special moment - just the two of them. Then, you can give a tiny little suprise for them at the end. It could be a rose with a note on it :” Happy Anniversary dear mom and dad. We Love You. From your children.”

Sweet isn’t it?

For me, the best gift you can give to someone isn’t a thing. Well, a birthday gift is important. I love birthday gift. All I’m saying here is stuff is just stuff. Sometimes they useful, sometimes they just become a display. For example: On my 17th birthday, I received a giant bear doll from my friend. And guess where is it now? No offense, but it’s in my unused room where I usually put my unused stuffs. I received wallet from my boyfriend for my 23rd birthday. And I still use it until today (beside it was from my boyfriend, of course).

See? It’s either useful or just as a display. But if you create a moment (you rarely experience a great moment right?), you’ll remember it for the rest of your life. I’m not saying that giving a gift isn’t worthed. You still allowed to give someone a gift. You in order to give the gift, you need to create the moment first.

The next thing not less important is the card! What you write inside the card will determine your wishes, your hope, and the most important is how well you prepare the gift/moment/the card itself.

I less like if someone give me a birthday card and they only write ” Happy Birthday. Wish you all the best. From X”. Like you mass-write it to someone else’s card too. I really respect originality :)

Tips from me when you write a birthday card or anniversary card, or any kind of card: Fill it as what your heart telling you :)

The most wonderful of all things in life, I believe, is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty, and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life - Sir Hugh Walpole

Urgently Needed:Holiday!

I just realized that the last time I have a holiday is when I went to Bali years ago.And I really need one now!I mean I love this city,I love my job,I love my home,but I kinda need an escape time from my routine.People get bored and so do I.Imagine that you go to your office,you pass the same street everyday,you enter the same building everyday,you meet the same people everyday,you deal with everyday tasks and it all the same thing over and over again.
I don't say that I don't like it.I just need a refreshing moment,which I can rarely get.

My boss said to me and my other colleagues earlier that he's going to take us to singapore for holiday!there was two possible times,which is idul fitri holiday and christmas holiday.Idul Fitri holiday is near so it's kinda impossible.So it might be happened in christmas holiday *5 finger crossed*
So what am I suppose to do in idul fitri holiday?I really need to make a plan or two.

I still want to visit Bali and Jakarta.I have this plan to visit Jakarta in February 2011,hopefully everything is just going well *10 finger crossed include my feet!*
Anywhere will be good for me,at least I can go out from this town for a while.

Take mee pleaseee whoever you are,please take mee for a short holiday.. :(((((((
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Cash The Damn Cheque

This morning, my bos told me to cash a check in the bank. I confidently brought the cheque and the cheque only. I never cashing a cheque before since the only way to get money is from ATM. So I went downstairs in Ground Level and entering the door. The security asked me "What can I do for you?". Instead of saying I want to go to the teller, I said "I want to cashing a cheque.", so he instantly know where he suppose to direct me to.
 
So I take the queque number and sit. Then my number was called. I, again, confidently give the cheque to the bank officer and said that I want to cash the cheque.
She asked me my ID card. I said I don't bring it down with me. She said to me while she returning my cheque back that I have to fill some blanks in the BACK side of the cheque. Wodehel, why I didn't see it at the first place??? The bank officer look very confused either. I bet she confuse because I am confuse. I can tell by her face.
So I took back the cheque,go to my office then come back down again with a copy of my ID.
 
I never cash a cheque before. This kind of thing is new to me (since the way I know to get cash is through ATM machine). And I feel like a little bit embarrassed when I was in the bank, because I don't know how to cash a cheque.
 
But hey, there is always the first time for everything. I bet the bank officer didn't know the fastest method how to counting a pile of money in the first place.
All I tell here is, if you don't know how to do something or you're in the lack of one particular information about something, DO NOT hesitate to ask and do.You ask once, but you're like a lightbulb for the rest of your life (except you have alzhemir or amnesia of course). You did something and it was wrong once. But you'll be riht forever.
Do not feel ashame if you do something wrong. People do it everytime.  
 
So the next time I cashing a cheque, I am going to write the information and data needed, then come to the teller and never going to be wrong again :)

Unoo Stackooo Attackoooo!!

Just had a great weekend with my best friends today!It was traffic all over the street in surabaya,we got stuck everywhere but it was quite fun :)We - me,nyek,lucy,fenny,dewi went to PTC to visit Kosi's maket at petra interior exhibition.But we were too hungry so decided to go eat and forget the maket and whatsoever.After PTC,we went to win's pancake at G walk (+ Reagan,he's kinda busy right now so seeing him at this unplanned timing like this is always worthed)).we played othello (dewi was the one who brought it upstair but she was the one who didn't played) and UNO stacko.I always love playing UNO stacko.It always fun,you can play it with a lot of ppl,no brain needed, just a tense that there might be a possibility that the stacks is going to fall in your turn.And that tense is fun :)

I'll post the picture of our crazy UNO later.I don't why but I can't post a photo through my tumblr for blackberry.

It was a fun night.I had fun.I had my old friends with me.I had my wonderful boyfriend with me (I wish you see the way he know how to play othello and UNO,you'll be amazed!).

I just wish Lydia is still in surabaya. I kinda miss that Sydney girl :)
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