My Mom Is My Hero

First of all....there is no Mr. Octopus today. haohaohaooahuahuahuahaha. One of the Marketing staff, Ms. Niken has a job for me today to produce an employee bulletin. And it means I have to collect news and information about the hospital and the employees, make the layout in Publisher, and produce it! This is going to be my work of art. My first masterpiece or whatever.hhauhauhuahuahua.

Today I am going to the emergency room to ask several questions about what is the emergency room, who's in charge, and other informations. And I am find out that emergency room is a very cool unit. I mean, they have a hard task to diagnose what's wrong with the patient or in the other word, the life of the patient is in their hand in the first time the patient arrive to the hospital. Emergency room is the first gate for the patient if they are looking for help. I was there for one hour or more, asked them about the emergency room and the procedure, and of course they are very lovely. They show me around the emergency room, they show me the tools they usually use to save the patient, they show me the devibrator if I am not wrong -- you know -- a machine to shock the patient's heart with electricity or something (you can see it in Greys' Anatomy. They did it a lot in their scenes), they show me a small room for the small operation, and so on.

Then they told me that sometimes they meet people die in the emergency room. And it make me think about the death itself. I remember I imagine that in the bed in front of me that time, there was a man or a women with his/her half-past-dead life, fighting and struggling with their own body. And then I imagine that his/her family was there, well..the first purpose of course to accompany the patient. But all you can do is just crying or praying maybe, hoping for some miracle, waiting for the doctor and the nurses doing their job.

I just like telling myself that time that death is inevitable - impossible to avoid. Someday, we are going to meet death.

And this is my point of concern at that time:

When I was being a guestbook and angpao keeper in the wedding events, I can see that the grandmother or the grandfather of the bride and the groom was there, share some happiness and togetherness for their grandchildren. I was there and I realize that I will never have that chance, to see my grandmothers and my grandpas there watch me marry a man of my dream someday. They already died. And what I regret the most from it is I never have a chance, a really-really chance, to spend my time with them. Deep down in my heart right now, I miss them. I love them. And I really want to have a chance one more time to be in their side and being their grand daughter for the very last time. Maybe they can't hear me anymore, maybe they can't speak clearly anymore, maybe they can't walk -- I don't mind. I just want to be their grand daughter one more time. I just want to be there, sit near them, serve them, give my respect for them, and say I love you. But I know I will never have that chance again.

I know that the only way I could make it up is just by do the same thing I want to do to my mother. I've lost my father almost eight years ago and once again I rarely have a chance to have a father and daughter time.

My mother is the only one I have left. And I know, I really-really know that I shouldn't do the same mistake I did. She is my hero and she is my saviour. She teach me everything that I couldn't learn myself or I couldn't get in school. She teaches me, angry to me, loves me, cares for me, she saves me, she helps me, she punishes me, she is patient with me, she is fighting for me, she is sacrificing anything for me, she is there for me everytime I need her. She is all I have.

It is just not about my mother. I am speaking about the people we love. It is useless if you say that you love them after a person who suppose to hear that already dead. Or it is useless if you feel love them but they never have a chance to hear it from you. It is also useless to feel that you love them, but you never show it. That is why I never shy or I never feel embarrassed to say it out loud the 'I love you' or 'I do care for you' words. I will say thank you - I will say I love you with all my heart - You are precious for me -- and I am mean it. When I say I am wishing you the best, well..it means I am wishing you the best. It means I pray for you, ask from God to bless and watching over you. I will hug them, I will lean my hand in their shoulder just so they know that I do mean with what I said.

Because our time on earth is priceless. We don't know when we die or when they people we love die. It could be now, it could be tomorrow, it could be years later. Only God knows. But the thing is, people do make mistake. They think they can say what they feel to one person and give testimonial about a person later, after that person died. The truth is a death person can't hear anything. So who you speak with?

No one.

Mr. Octopus

Meet Mr. Octopus!

I just met him this afternoon.

Then meet his family!!

This little happy family swam in a piece of blank white paper this afternoon, accompany me counting down the hours today. Unfortunately Mrs. Octopus can not come. Somehow, I forget to draw her. haha.

Actually, this is my little joke (which soon I realize that it isn't funny at all) and my little activity in the middle of my internship hours. AND I AM SOOO BORING. HUHUHUHUHUHUHU. And because I am so boring, I turn to draw something useless and something stupid like this Mr. Octopus! Oh God..Somebody help me. I mean, what am I suppose to write in my report paper? I am drawing octopuses and even name it??

This is my second internship day and I am soooo..soooo can't stand it. The people are good and nice. They love to say "morning" or " good afternoon" to me. They love to smile everytime they meet me and my coordinator Mr. Nyoman is a very nice man. I spend the first day walked around the hospital (the hospital is really cool, believe me) and he introduced me to everyone. From the HR, housekeeping, the engineer, the chef and cooks, cashier, operator, marketing, medical check-up, IT, bussiness development manager, and even the CEO! They all said welcome to me and I am glad about that. Very-- verry glad. But the only problem is Mr. N feel tired because his previous event (he is in sales and event btw, so he arranges event like seminar and other non-medic bussiness) so Mr. N want to relax for couple of days. And because he want to relax, he do not have any hard work to do. And because of he don't have any hard job to do, I don't have anything to do either! All I did yesterday was just browsed the internet and downloaded songs all day looong. And it's kind of boring somehow.

My second day isn't getting better than yesterday. Mr. N still want to relax and I am still boring. uhuhuhu.. The worst of all is I am lonely. I am just all by myself and no one I can talk to. I can talk with Mr. N but I can't talk to him all day. I am just all by myself everytime I go for lunch in the cafetaria. uhuhuhuhu...poor me. But thanks to Fritz, I think soon this loneliness can be a little crowded. mwuahahahuahauauha..=D

I don't know why, but everyone who know that I am going to walk on this internship in the hospital just seems so surprise. Ok, hospital is a little bit weird place to do the internship. But there is nothing wrong with that. My major reason of course this hospital near my house. So I do not need to wake up too early and waste my time. My second reason is this hospital is different. Like I said, this hospital is cool. There are hotel rooms, a convention hall, a helipad (there are only two helipad in Surabaya - RSHU and Jawa Pos), a meeting room, buffet menu (if you think that EVERY hospital serves bad food, you are wrong), and they have this great-great lobby. You will meet Alfamart (which is very important here for me to buy some snacks), they sell breads and cookies (yeah.. hospital kitchen homemade), and aMOre Gelato counter there. Whoa...=D

But the most important thing is, they - the people- are nice. I love that! They welcome me. And of course I believe they will welcome the patients even better!

The only problem here is just I have to deal with boringness and loneliness and Mr. Octopus. I don't know if tommorow Mr. Octopus want to meet me again, but I hope not. I really want to spend my time there with doing something useful.

Oh yeah.. if you ask why octopus? The answer is octopus is the only animal I can draw. I like their mouth. They funny isn't it? hoahoahoahohaoaahaha...=D

I start to miss Lili, Yuni, Vipe, Nita, Novi, Agre...Happy internship guys!!!uhuhuhuhuhu...

The After Party's Vodka

These last few weeks, Lili called me and asked me if there is a chance I want to be a part of the Even Organizer crew. Her cousin is the owner and they, the EO, needed someone who can look after the guest book and the angpao (you know, the red envelope with money inside as a gift for the bride and the groom). I said yes to her and yesterday is my fourth time being a guest book and angpao keeper. hahahaha.

Yesterday was a good date to held a wedding because of the 08.08.08 thing. So there I came to Palimanan CitraRaya and I really do like the concept of the wedding. All this time, everytime I attend a wedding party, I always feel boring. For me, it is look like they held a party for the parents. You know, with all the old chinese songs, and the old chinese traditions, and so on.

Most of the guests are invited by the parents from the bride and the groom. And from my experiences as a guest book keeper, sometimes the guests didn't know the name of the bride or the groom. They only knew the name of the father or the mother from the bride or the groom. Isn't that too....much? I mean.. it's more like the parents who do the wedding rather than their daughter or son.

But yesterday is different. The guests are young (as proof, I met Stanley, Boby, and Meli-Rendy) and they are friends from the bride and the groom! Of course there are friends from the parents but it felt sooo good to see that young guests finally lightin' up the party.

I also like the wedding concept. They held the wedding ceremony ( the say I do - I do part) in the golf range and the they held the party in the next golf range area. There are no old chinese songs, the shows were simple. After the wedding party, there was a after party. And after party mean trance musics, R&B songs, andddd vodkas.

Speaking of vodka, I would I like to speak about my experiences with alcohol. I never like alcohol. I never like beer, vodka, champange, gin, whatever you name it. My really first experience with alcohol started in Tus-tus' new house. Tus2 said to me and point his finger to the pink liquid in the table, " Try this, this is good." And when he said that this is good, I really really mean it good. So I picked up one full glass of that pink liquid without ask what is this thing. And then Ivan called. So I talked on the phone while I am drinking the pink thing. Not so long then, I felt my face become ...warm. And in the time I told Ipan, that was the time I knew I was drunk. Ok, I was drunk by accident.

Yesterday, is another weird and stupid experience with alcohol. After the official wedding party over, I sat tiredly and desperately in the VIP room with another crews. Outside, the DJ already played the trance musics sooo loud. And then come my "devil"(hoahoahoaha) came to me, offered me a full glass of coca-cola brown liquid in the table. It is a mix of vodka, rum, and coffee and the alcohol is very low, he said. I said no at first, then said OK I will have a little, and end up with drank 3/4 part of the glass. Thanks to Handi, you are soooo make me drunk this time. My face became red, my heart beated faster, I hardly walked,I can not be really-really sure where I was (well, then I realize I already at my room and reached home safely), and I think I heard some of people talked like I was still in the party.

Drunk is not good for me.

I really don't like alcohol. Alcohol is not good for your health as I read from the articles from HowStuffWorks and they taste weird. I don't understand why some people love the alcohol. Why they get to the bar and why they are looking for the alcohol. Why they are not looking for a chocolate milkshake maybe when the are thirsty or something. I mean, I don't get the reason they love alcohol. Instead of having a glass of vodka like yesterday, I would rather have a full glass of chocolate milkshake or milk tea. They do taste better. And definitely healthier.

Today I met my old friends from high school: Molen, David, Sion, Fenny, and Tonny. We had a good but short time together. =D Nice to meet you guys!

david-tonny-sion-susan-molen-fenny

Celebrating The Freedom! Ooowww..yeaahh

First of all, it's good to know that my blog actually influence people, bring something new and something good for them, or at least they said something that make me smile like a silly person in front of my computer like..they like my blog, they told me to publish a book (once again), and even they said that they got gossips from here. hauahuahuahauuahauhaha. Well, thank you for that all even at the other point, some people may not like it as well. That's alright. They have a preference to say they like it or they are not like it.

I just finished my latest novel reading, To Kill a Mocking Bird (yeah..it took a long time for me to read it because of this K thing), and I am become a huge fan of Atticus, a father of this two little kids. He is an ordinary man, a lawyer in a small town called Maycomb, Alabama. From the outside, there is nothing special. But as I read that novel, I found out that he has an interesting character inside.

I learn about something from Atticus. I learn that anger emotion never solve a problem, it make it worse. So the best way to fight that anger emotion is just be in silence. In that book, there is a part of the story tell about a man who come to Atticus and just be emotional with him. This man blame Atticus for something and threat him with many bad things. But all Atticus does is just keep his mouth shut and after that man finish with his rubbish talk, Atticus just go away still with the silence. He doesn't put a prejudice on him. He is a calm person, a man who know everything but he never show it that he know everything.

We always learn something from something that happen in our life. That something could be form as troubles, obstacles, hard work, people, and even from a book. And maybe that problems, obstacles, and most important: people, are there for us to be faced because it will help us to be someone better.

Now I turn to my next novel: Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Actually this is not my novel. My friend's friend brought this to Indonesia from Aussie and guess what, it's english. So yes, it will take double extra time and extra energy to read it. hauahuhauhauahua.

Anyway, finally I can feel freedom after almost a week I have to torture myself for the kolokium stuff. Yeiiii!!!! There are no tons of books in my room for the moment (because I need to return it to the library.haha), no need to sit in front of the computer, no need to deal with the keyboard, the internet, and the books anymore. At least for this very moment. It be will continue next week. huhu. Pray for me everyone.

Extras:

+ What's your favorite Disney Character?

- Winnie The Pooh

+ Why?

- Because Pooh bear is dumb animal. He is a dumb but kind-hearted animal. He is a humble animal (I almost say it person.hauhauhauhau) and he loves his friends!! I mean look at the cartoon...They love each other and treasure them so much. He can be dumb, but from that dumbness( a.k.a not using his brain but his heart), every words Pooh said is the most wisest words of all.

+ Who's your favorite person on earth?

- If I can say it initially: F, L, N, R, A, J, andddd H: for playing Joker perfectly.

+ Why Serendipity is our favorite film ever?

- Because that film makes me believe that if you think he/she is a person that really complete you, you will know it by your heart. A heart can not lie. It shows me that if you really-really love someone, you should fight for it. And most of all, that film telling me that even if you are separate thousand miles (America and Britain in the film), and even if you are with somebody else at that moment, if he/she is meant to be yours...he/she will be yours after all.

+ If you have the power to change your past, what it would be?

- There are a lot of things I want to be changed in my past, especially the bad things. But even if I have the ability to change that, I won't. Because if there is no bad times, bad experiences, bad things happen to me, I will never be a person I am right now.

Eooohh...

Dear Eo yang ditujukan atas permintaan ybs.,

THANK YOUUU YAAAA BUAT COMMENT-COMMENTNYA!!!

So anonymous sekalii.auhauhauhauhauhauau...(btw, I think I know how to make it not anonym anymore. You just klik the Name/URL instead of anonymous option beb.)

Anyway,

I am soo stress, and I even don't have lots of time to look at my own cellphone.

Geee...This kolokium thing is killing me.

But I can make it and do pass the kolokium. I have a lot of plans after this.

I want to learn marketing more, so there are two options for me now between take the master program or the brand and marketing communications certificate program at Marketing Petra. Well, I know by learning this whole Corporate Communication studies is not enough. I need to be a generalist and a specialist. I am specialist at how to handle relations between an organization and its publics (or at least I think I am.hahahaha) and I want to be generalist who know about the other sciences. And since I have desire to learn marketing, I want to learn marketing.

I am going to start my internship next week, and I am start to feeling scared because I am a type of person who can not stand behind the desk for hours. I guess my "freedom" will be taken soon. uuhuhuhu.

Wish me luck everyone!

I wish you all luck too, believe me.=D

p.s:

Eo....

TAK OMONGNO SEALLL KM NTIII!!! HAUHAUHAUHAUHAUHAUHAU.

(bagi yang tidak paham dengan masyud syaya yang syatyu ini, please baca comment nya eo tentang Seal and Heidi.)

Item-item gitu tapi dia so swiit.ahaahahak..

Sometimes cover is just a cover, hun. You don't read the cover, you read the book.

And I believe that's the most important thing of all.=)

Akhh..syok bijak syaya.hauhauhauhauhauhauhauahua.

Pai-pai all!!

2:59

Happy Sunday all. I skip church today because I need to finish my kolokium progress and it has to be submitted tommorow. So yes, I skip the church and I am in a deadlinepanic situation. This is how Iget rest for a moment by writing a blog entry. hauhahuahau.

Yesterday I have a great conversation with one of my bestest friend in the whole world (I think I don't need to speak a name here, just in case anything goes wrong) until 3 am in the morning. It was a nice and deep and short talk. Nice because it is always nice to talk to him, deep because this is the time I found it rarely I can speak what is really really in my mind with him and he is listening, and it is short because XL has this free phonecall start from 00.00 and XL forget to mention that it means that the phonecall have to be ended and I need to call him every 2 minutes and 59 seconds. So imagine that I've talked with him for 3 hours and more, how many phonecall actually I made last night. The simple thing to do the calculation is just divide the 3 hours with 3 minutes.

hauhauhauhauhau.

Anyway, I always feel pleasure to have a conversation with this guy. And that night I talked about a lot of things. A lot of things that he even didn't knew before, something that I only keep in my mind. I was thinking that nobody care about what is in my mind and I was thinking that not everyone, you know, give their ears and listen to what is in my mind, what I feel about something. And I don't know what happened to him last night, but he turned into someone who listen patiently and just start to..I don't know..amazed? All I know is that he just keep in silence after I told him everything.

I am proud about my best friends. I love them and I am proud of them. He said (the guy I was talked with) that I'm kind of too much in reaction everytime I meet one of my best friend. He said I have a great ethusiasm everytime I meet this one of my best friend. Then I told him, I react too much, I have a huge enthusiasm everytime I meet this guy because I feel proud of him! It is not because I have some crazy enthusiasm or anything you can think of.

I feel proud of him, proud of everything he do, proud of everything in him.

And I want to show it to the whole world that he is my best friend. And I am proud being his friend. People become misunderstanding about this. The only question is, do I need to say all that reasons?

I love them, and I think I don't have to tell everyone that I love them. I just have to simply show them and this kind of act...by being enthusias, is one of my ways to show it.

Once again....Prejudice. hah.

Some poeple said to me, don't put all your thought in the blog with all their reasons.

I just can say that I love writing. In fact, I can't stop writing. If people don't like my blog and my writing, they can leave, they can close my blog and never come back. It is all up to them.

So I won't stop writing.

I just can't stop writing.

Prejudice

I recently read a novel called To Kill A Mocking Bird, written by Harper Lee (she is a she, btw). It is a novel about love and prejudice. The story is about a small town lawyer in Alabama and his ordinary life with his two children, Jem and Scout ( she is a she,too). And one day, everything turn to be different when this two children's father have to defend a black skinned guy or they call it nigger in the other way. At that period of time, there are a gap between black skinned people and white skinned people. Black skinned people are under white skinned people in the hierarchy in their system. For this white skinned people, black people are only for servant. Not more.

One day, a black skinned guy was accused for a rape case. He was accused to rape a white skinned women. And Atticus, the father of this two children step up as this black skinned guy's lawyer.

Atticus believe that not every black skinned people are bad. Eventhough there are a lot of bad - immorale black skinned people, but not every of them are bad, not every of them are immorale.

Prejudice is something that Harper Lee want to speak up through this her one and only novel. People sometimes just judge other people base on what they know, what they hear, what they see. But the truth is, not everything they see, not everything they hear, not everything the know is the whole truth about something. Harper Lee said in her book:

"You will never understand someone until you look in everything through his/her point of view....until you slip under his/her skin and live a life with his/her own way."

I learn a lot since I read that book. I learn and also discover that sometimes our prejudice about something blind our eyes from the truth. We busy judging other people while we don't really know what really happen to that person.

I admit that sometimes I did that too. I did prejudiced some people in my life but I didn't know what really happen to that person, what is in his thought, what he feel. I just put him/her in a wrong and guilty position because they hurt me.

But thanks to this book, now I learn to not judge someone by looking from my point only. But I also need to see from their eyes, from the way they see from their eyes, from the way they think, from they way their ears hear something.

Or maybe, I don't need to judge anyone.

I really really know how it feel when people judge you just by seeing at one point and forget to see the other point. It is hurt. The funny thing is they don't realize it.

Anyway, now I am trying to not put a prejudice on people. Even what they do later is something that really really wrong, I realize that I am not the one who have the right to judge people.

There is a better judge who know everything without any error. You know who!

Have a blessed day everyone! As usual. =D

Seal And Heidi

Last few days or perhaps last few weeks I watched Oprah's Show, the most famous TV show in America. Really, she has a super power to influence other people thought. And what I like the most from Oprah's Show is she always has something worth to talk about. She is really good at explore her guests thought. And make jokes. If she has a chance, she always makes jokes. haha.

One of my favorite episode is when Seal and his wife Heidi Klum came to her show. There are a lot of things I learned from that celebrity couple. Seal is a singer and Heidi is a top supermodel. Basicly and usually, after get married celebrities like them become hard to find the right time to be together. Like you know yourself from the news that after they get married for a while or maybe if they get lucky for years -- they get divorce. And when they get divorce, they come up with all the reasonable reasons to cover the basic question whay they get divorce.

But this Seal and Heidi give me a new and different perspective about how exactly a marriage should go on. I don't know if someday they will get divorce too but so far from that Oprah Show, all I can see is they are in love and happy. Aawww..they are look lovely.

Seal said at that show that priorities plays a main role in a marriage. Or at least his marriage.

He said he is busy, he has a lot of things to do but his wife has his first priority above all. His wife first, then his family, and then the job. He said he learn from his father who did so much not good things to his mother and he learned from that so he can do so much better for his future wife.

Seal said that before you start to love your wife as a wife, you should put her in a position as your bestfriend. You should love her as you bestfriend because you don't want to disappoint your bestfriend. She is you partner for life though.

At the other road, I don't understand why some time people get bored with his/her couple after they've been in a relationship for years. I mean, someday you are going to marry your couple (hopefully) and it is a never ending journey, you will spend your lifetime with him/her. And you should be forever in love in him/her. So why that boring thing happen anyway?

I still don't get it.

I learned something from the preach at the church yesterday. The pastor is celebrating his 34th Wedding Anniversay (congratulations, Sir). And he shared then that there are conflicts in a marriage. You can't deny it. There is no perfect marriage. At the beginning of his marriage, he found so much troubles with his wife. Marriage is about making two human beings become one. And like I and other people know this for so long, we are all different. Especially when we talk about the differences between women and man. It tooks a lot of patient and changes over and over to make it better.

This is a part I like the most: The Pastor said, "I know I can't change my wife from being so stubborn and hard if first I can not change myself. "

Hmm.. that's a good one.

Anyway,recently my mom almost always preaching me about you are already 21 this year. This is the right time for you to meet someone good and get to know each other. Then she start to dreaming and bubblin' about her own imagination about her own daughter.

She keep tell me stories about her friends who her friend's daughter get married and so on and so on.

And I just like...

" .........................................................."

Oh mom, if I already found a good man and if I finally falling so much in love with him, you don't have to tell me all those stuffs. The fact is I haven't found that man. Hah.

But I believe there is a good timing for everything.

I patience with God timing. =)

It's All Wrong But It's Alright

Greetings y'all.

I know I decided to stop writing for a while in the last entry of mine. I thought at that moment that it will take a long time to get ready again, to get up and walk and cheer up again. I thought I will through the same pattern which you know; you will need time to escape for a moment, you learn to accept all those problems, and the move on slowly but sure. But something really bad happened after I wrote my last entry and I feel like betrayed.

Some people that I recognize them as some of my favorite people on earth, push me down and put me in the condition which I can' stand it anymore. I don't understand until this time why they chose to did that to me instead of try to cheer me up. Really, I don't understand the reason, their way of thinking. But the main point is what they did made me cry. I cried so hard and loud untiI feel my eyes hurt and I kind of hardly breathe. I felt like a panda at that night. Gee..

Then I remember I talked to God while I am crying and said,

"Is this what You want? I prayed everyday to You asking for a power to hold on and I am hold on. But this time, what they did to me right now is out of my power. To see me cry like this, is this what You want?"

I am not a cry baby, I am not a type of person who always cry everytime I have a problem but this is really really out of my power to hold the tears. I really-really can't stop myself cry at that time. So I cry anyway.

After I can stop myself from crying, something happened. Before and during I cried, all I felt is like full, hard, heavy feeling. But after I cried, after I talked to God that way, all I can feel is relieve, free, light feeling. Suddenly I am no longer feel sad or depress. It's just like someone or something take away my burden. And if it's not God who did that, I don't know who else.

Maybe I need to cry aloud some time, to clean up to wash away every burden I have.

And He clean me up.

Now, I really don't care what they said about me.

I will live my own life and not anyone can bother me.

You can call me sensitive. That alright.

You can call me talking like rubbish here. Oh..that's really alright.

All I can say is you don't know what I've been through all this time.

Even if you know (in fact one of those people who did this to me know what I've been through), you still did that to me.

It is all wrong. But it's still alright.

In the other side, I know this is some kind of test from above. I've been reading a bible every night and it's useless to read it everyday if I can't practice it in the real life. It is hard to not hate them who did that to me. But I try to obey someone who has a bigger power in everything.

He said I have to love them like I love myself.

He said I have to forgive them who hurt me, even if they hurt me a thousand times and ask me for forgiveness for a thousand times too.

He said I have to seek peace and try to get it.

He said I have to obey everything He said because what He said is good for me.

So I obey. =)

Back to the real life, this next semester is going to hard for me. I need to work as a part of my internship program for approx. 2 1/2 month and I am going to get through the hardest part in my Communication Science program which is....KOLOKIUM. Good and beautiful name in front but really deadly if you put your head into it.

Kolokium like I said before is the first part of my final assignment which is called Skripsi. yeah.

In this Deadly Kolokium, I need to prepare my topic for my communication research which is details here is a very important thing. I have to have perfect reasons why I choose that topic, and they - the judges or whatever you can call them- are going to ask me why I choose my topic. And they will ask the details. They will ask like: why I choose to choose that topic, why you are going to do that reasearch in this area or this place, why you pick this research object, why do you want to research this, and the other whys. All based on data, not my opinion.

I start hating why.

I have 7 books in my room right now and I think it's going to be a lot more.

I have to read them, pick the theories carefully, and start to write my kolokium proposal.

So have a blessed day everyone!

I am really fine right now. I am ready to write again this time. Fight!!! (^.')o

Oh yes, I am cheery merry person once again.

hauhauahuhauahuahauhauhau.=D

p.s: It is my blog! I can write anything about everything here. Get used to it please.

Thanks to Vipe for her loving entry and her loving Aerosmith's Dream On lyric. That's really sweet babe.

I do thank you.

Sing it with me, sing for the year

Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear

Sing it with me, if it's just for today

Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away

B.P.G.I.N.D.W.M.Y (Be Patient God Is Not Done with Me Yet)

Hei all, sudah lama sekali kayaknya saya tidak update ini blog. But strange, I don't miss it. haha

Belakangan ini ada banyak kejadian yang banyak membuat saya down, banyak membuat saya banyak berpikir ulang tentang segala sesuatunya, dan membuat saya benar-benar harus menata segalanya mulai dari awal lagi. Pheww. It's hard. It's painful.

Dari segala hal yang ada di dunia ini, ada suatu hal yang pasti yang aku yakini benar. Bahwa dibalik setiap peristiwa buruk dan masalah yang muncul dalam hidupku, selalu ada campur tangan Tuhan didalamNya. Saat ini, ketika aku mencoba untuk mem-flash back kembali apa yang terjadi dalam hidupku di masa lalu, aku benar-benar jelas melihat disitu ada Tuhan yang membuat aku menjadi lebih baik. Aku menyadari bahwa justru melalui masalah dan peristiwa berat yang aku alami, disitulah aku dijadikan lebih baik. Justru dari masalah-masalah yang membuatku jatuh berulang kali, dari situlah kedewasaanku dibentuk. Dia yang mendidik aku menjadi seorang manusia yang lebih baik dari sebelumnya, setiap hari. Dan memang, ketika aku lagi diproses melalui masalah-masalah itu, tidak pernah ada jalan yang mudah untuk melaluinya. Dan karena bahkan aku tidak bisa mengandalkan teman-temanku, aku hanya bisa mengandalkan diriku sendiri. There are no more best friends for me. There are only good friends.

Bible, prayers, and tears are my new best friend in the moment. haha. And Job (Ayub maksudnya) is the perfect example.

Baru-baru ini ada banyak kejadian yang aku alami sendiri maupun yang dialami temen-temenku yang membuat aku mengambil kesimpulan bahwa seorang pria yang benar-benar baik itu jarang ada dan jarang ditemukan. Bahkan para pria-pria yang aku kenal dekat, aku kenal lama-pun ternyata tidak sebaik yang aku kira sebelumnya. Ada yang mengeluarkan statement yang pada akhirnya tidak bisa dia penuhi sendiri, ada yang tidak mau mengakui apa yang kelihatan jelas telah dilakukan, ada yang seringkali tidak respect bahkan dengan teman cewek mereka, and so on. I keep hear that stories, I experienced it myself some of that.

I am not talking about a perfect man. A man who think that he is perfect is not perfect at all. The thought that he is perfect is the unperfectness in him.

Now I see more clearly, they are not men yet. Still boys, still not growing up. Ah..they are only age 20-21 though. What I expect. hehe. Maybe I expect too much.

Now I see that finding a good man is a hard thing to do. Maybe there is a lucky factor in this. Maybe if you lucky enough, you will get a good man. A grown up mature man.

And hopefully, I am lucky enough someday. Amen.=)

So here I am now, with the rest power I have in me trying to fix my broken wings so I can be able to fly again. And until that time, I decide to not writing anything in this blog or in any other thing. Like I said, I need to be fixed. I need to cure my pain first.

Dan ketika aku sudah benar-benar sembuh, tidak ada satu orangpun bahkan dari orang-orang di masa laluku yang bisa membuatku jatuh lagi.

I will throw away my past, and always welcome my future.

God is transforming me right now.

And soon you will see the new me.

A better me.

A stronger me.

Ohh..don't think that I will look sad or look miserable. I will stay cheer up, I will sing I will dance I still do whatever I want to do to keep me happy. Only, maybe I am not that cheery merry person anymore.