It's All Wrong But It's Alright

Greetings y'all.

I know I decided to stop writing for a while in the last entry of mine. I thought at that moment that it will take a long time to get ready again, to get up and walk and cheer up again. I thought I will through the same pattern which you know; you will need time to escape for a moment, you learn to accept all those problems, and the move on slowly but sure. But something really bad happened after I wrote my last entry and I feel like betrayed.

Some people that I recognize them as some of my favorite people on earth, push me down and put me in the condition which I can' stand it anymore. I don't understand until this time why they chose to did that to me instead of try to cheer me up. Really, I don't understand the reason, their way of thinking. But the main point is what they did made me cry. I cried so hard and loud untiI feel my eyes hurt and I kind of hardly breathe. I felt like a panda at that night. Gee..

Then I remember I talked to God while I am crying and said,

"Is this what You want? I prayed everyday to You asking for a power to hold on and I am hold on. But this time, what they did to me right now is out of my power. To see me cry like this, is this what You want?"

I am not a cry baby, I am not a type of person who always cry everytime I have a problem but this is really really out of my power to hold the tears. I really-really can't stop myself cry at that time. So I cry anyway.

After I can stop myself from crying, something happened. Before and during I cried, all I felt is like full, hard, heavy feeling. But after I cried, after I talked to God that way, all I can feel is relieve, free, light feeling. Suddenly I am no longer feel sad or depress. It's just like someone or something take away my burden. And if it's not God who did that, I don't know who else.

Maybe I need to cry aloud some time, to clean up to wash away every burden I have.

And He clean me up.

Now, I really don't care what they said about me.

I will live my own life and not anyone can bother me.

You can call me sensitive. That alright.

You can call me talking like rubbish here. Oh..that's really alright.

All I can say is you don't know what I've been through all this time.

Even if you know (in fact one of those people who did this to me know what I've been through), you still did that to me.

It is all wrong. But it's still alright.

In the other side, I know this is some kind of test from above. I've been reading a bible every night and it's useless to read it everyday if I can't practice it in the real life. It is hard to not hate them who did that to me. But I try to obey someone who has a bigger power in everything.

He said I have to love them like I love myself.

He said I have to forgive them who hurt me, even if they hurt me a thousand times and ask me for forgiveness for a thousand times too.

He said I have to seek peace and try to get it.

He said I have to obey everything He said because what He said is good for me.

So I obey. =)

Back to the real life, this next semester is going to hard for me. I need to work as a part of my internship program for approx. 2 1/2 month and I am going to get through the hardest part in my Communication Science program which is....KOLOKIUM. Good and beautiful name in front but really deadly if you put your head into it.

Kolokium like I said before is the first part of my final assignment which is called Skripsi. yeah.

In this Deadly Kolokium, I need to prepare my topic for my communication research which is details here is a very important thing. I have to have perfect reasons why I choose that topic, and they - the judges or whatever you can call them- are going to ask me why I choose my topic. And they will ask the details. They will ask like: why I choose to choose that topic, why you are going to do that reasearch in this area or this place, why you pick this research object, why do you want to research this, and the other whys. All based on data, not my opinion.

I start hating why.

I have 7 books in my room right now and I think it's going to be a lot more.

I have to read them, pick the theories carefully, and start to write my kolokium proposal.

So have a blessed day everyone!

I am really fine right now. I am ready to write again this time. Fight!!! (^.')o

Oh yes, I am cheery merry person once again.

hauhauahuhauahuahauhauhau.=D

p.s: It is my blog! I can write anything about everything here. Get used to it please.

Thanks to Vipe for her loving entry and her loving Aerosmith's Dream On lyric. That's really sweet babe.

I do thank you.

Sing it with me, sing for the year

Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear

Sing it with me, if it's just for today

Maybe tomorrow, the good lord will take you away