Somewhere in my BrokenHeart

Gw baru aja ngebaca salah satu blog punya Ise -JembatanHati sebelum gw nulis ini entry. Di salah satu entry-nya dia, (which is Ise, it's hard to read it. The color of the text is too....dark. Please have it checked) ada satu entry yang 'catch my attention'. ini dia:

280607 Kepada Steve, yang baru kusadari keberadaan dan harganya.

Aku tau siapa Steve, dan aku feel amaze aja dia bisa nulis sebuah nama seberani itu. Well, paling nggak aku ga seberani itu. Setelah gw lanjutin baca, mulut gw jadi semakin terbuka lebar. Bukan karena tulisan-tulisannya dia, tapi keberaniannya dia buat nulis itu.
For me, it too open. I know the risk of being open. Everyone can read your stories, everyone can see, everyone can judge, everyone can share.
But then I think for one more time in silence. I realize I need to be honest with myself. Include in this blog. That's the point in writing a blog. You can't tell lies... Well, I am not lying. I just 'selected' my thoughts. yea...

Maybe this is my turn, to be honest with everyone I should be honest with, especially myself.
Am I right Ise?

I am going to (try to) tell you some of my deepest thoughts. Thoughts that maybe some of my best buddies know, and some of you not.

I am glad I finally make friend again with my ex which is also one of my 'gank' member, which is also one of my ex-partner in OSIS. I am really glad about it. Yes, I need almost three years to finally be his friend again. Hah, I know it's a long time one, but if you read my previous blog on Friendster:description about me, it will help you to understand why.
Butuh satu tahun penuh buat gw untuk pulih dari segala 'brokenheartstuff' dan kawan-kawannya.
And it took two year after the one year for me to make peace with myself.
Dan akhirnya ini dia the third round of my history I finally be his friend again.
Mau ga mau, aku harus bisa jadi temen dia. I can't stay in this cold war forever.
Karena teman saya adalah teman dia, teman dia adalah teman saya jadi itu sebabnya mau nggak mau, idup ato mati kita harus bisa jadi temen..act like one. So no other option.
Ada sih other option:
Cari teman lain!
ahauhauahaua..nggak lah, no other place better than to be with them, my buddies.

If anyone ask:
Is my heart still jumpin' out from the box like Ise's?
Haha..my heart is still in it place. Nggak seperti Ise yang ketemu dia secara accidentally, gw mau ngak mau ketemu dia tiap 6 bulan sekali pas dia balik liburan ke Indo. Dan sekali lagi karena temannya dia adalah teman saya, yah..guess what happen. Ketemu, ketemu deh.

Do I still love him?
You can't totally forget someone that has been closed to you, someone you ever gave your heart to *sorry for grammar mistake. I hate grammar*
And so do I. Whether I want it or not, there will be a corner here in my heart for him, a place I keep all the memories and all the love. (Karena itu muncul istilah CLBK, rite)
If I can't love him in the way a lover does, then I'm going to love him as a friend. Told ya, it's not easy being in my situation sometimes.

Then why you still single anyway?
Pertanyaan klasik yang kadang di belokkan oleh Edric menjadi 'tidak laku' *sigh*
The easiest answer of that silly question is I don't find another love yet. Kadang temen-temen gw emang bilang gw rewel. terlalu milih-milih lah..whatever.
But to be honest, I am waiting for the right one.

It's not easy to find someone right, a person you can give all your entire heart and life to him.
To trust your life and your future to him.
To love him, adore him, be with him
for the rest of your life.
And I want to find that person.
Gw tau kadang realita nggak seindah harapan dan impian.
But I still want to trust what I believe in.

Yes sometimes I feel lonely. Sementara semua orang udah punya pacar dan hanya saya yang sendirian, itu jadi problem tersendiri. But I don't mind. Because I believe my time will come someday. I don't know with who or when or where I will fall in love with, but sure time will tell.

Call me picky
Call me StoneHeart
Call me anything
I know what I'm doing.
Still I know it worth something.


Hah! akhirnya, aku bisa juga ngelepas semua ke dalam kata-kata. *relieve*

Well once again thanks Ise.