Some random thoughts just crossed my mind and I don't like it. Well I think I'm being a temporarily melancholic person. I am going to tell a story about myself and what me and my family have been through all this time and I am going to tell why I'm telling you this stuff. You may not like it, but I believe some people may take this as a life lesson, to be more grateful and learn to not asking more than you already had. Somehow, I think I owe God this.
I am talking about my mother and how brave she is to be a single mother for almost 10 years now. My dad died because of heart attack when I was 13 and my youngest brother was just in the first grade of elementary school. It was a horrible shock time for me and my entire family. My mom especially was the one who shocked the most. I was a pre-teenager who didn't know nothing but the fact that I am no longer have a dad. My mother had to shut down my dad's store at Banyuwangi because she thought it would be imposibble to go Surabaya-Banyuwangi back and forth all the time, it takes 7 hours to go one way. My mother had to find another way to make a life for her family. With a broken heart and full of confusion, she had to figured up what do for living. Thanks God my mother has a great talent at cooking. So she started to offer her fresh frozen dumpling products to some supermarket in my city and she did it herself. She inovated another products but like life which is like a roller coaster, sometimes the supermarkets shut down my mother's products. I must say, I wasn't easy.
On the other side, I grew up and as a teenager at that time, I realized now that I've been such an ass for my mother. Sometimes I made my mother sad, I made her angry. And as a teenager, I was looking and exploring myself and my identity and I didn't realize that I hurt someone who really already sacrificed a lot for me.
I believe that every girl in this world have their own hero and many of them say that their mother is their hero. Nothing's wrong with it, only for me, I have billion reasons to make my mother as my hero.
People said, if you want to see the clearer view, just try to walk in front and the look back. You'll see everything more precise rather than see it at that moment. You won't realize what you did was bad today. But maybe tomorrow you'll flashback to today and realize that you were wrong.
I was bad for years to my mother as a stupid teenager, and I see it right now. I see how hard she fought to get up and to keep on walking even your heart was broken and your mental condition was down. I see how strong she become until today, how all the obstacles she's been through make her today. She did it all..cooking, working money, raising her children, teaching them, loving them, fixing things. She is a real single mother.
Then I wonder, she won't be here by my side forever. One day, God will take her and I will left alone. What would I do if the day come? Am I prepared? Am I strong enough to walk this life alone without her? Whether I realize or not, I always run back to her for almost everything. She is the first person I run to if I need help. But if she isn't here anymore, what would I do?
I try to place myself into her position as a single mother with 3 little children. I don't have a husband to count on anymore, I just have to fight and do everything by myself. Then I tell myself that I am pretty sure I can't do it easily.
These long thought lead me to one thing. It's all because of God's grace upon me and my family. He took my father to make everything better. He took my father to teach us how to be strong and solid as a family time after time. Most of all, He took my father to show me that He's the Almighty..the one and only. He teach me how to fully surrender because everything happened and everything not happened in my life is because of His permission.
He knows me, He knows what happen to me and He let it happen because He himself teach me, train me to be a better and better person everyday.
It may be sound too much for some people but don't worry, one day God will come into someone's life from a different door. He may be straight knock to my door, but He may be go silently through your ceilings. You never know.
Another one thing for sure, if your time come and God want to involved to your life, you can not escape. Just invite Him in, share your problems with Him, and let Him guide you.
Be thankful for everything you have, it was there only because of His grace.
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