By Bye Past. I Am Sure I Don't Want To See You Again Forever!!!

Dear Lord,

First of all, thank you for making me realize that for allllll this time, I've been so stupid and blind. Second of all, thanks to you for opening my eyes so I am no longer blind. And stupid.

_______________________________________________________

The first time I fell in love with this guy, I really gave my best to him. It means my heart, my love, my trust, my everything, until I realize that I have nothing left in me. For me he was everything and I loved him that much. I loved him just the way he is. Until I broke up with him years ago, somehow I still believe that the condition and the situation was something that is wrong, not us. And even this last week, I still believe that it was not us to be blamed.

But then I realize, that the situation blaming activity is just another cover for my heart, for my thought, so it won't hurt too much. The fact is, the us factor is something that is wrong.

I believe that there is no coincidence in this life. God has special purposes for every problem we are facing right now. And He obviously has a point for me. The pain and sorrow that I faced months ago is a sign. I feel like God is slapping my face, tell me to wake up for my own imagination and fake hope and stupidipity. So this is the reality and facts that God told me (by "slapping" my thought), whether I like it or not, I have to admit it's true:

No matter how hard I try to have faith in him, he never fight enough for me.

For all this time, I've been throwed so many good men who loved me, just for him. or at least in my mind I still hope that someday me and him will get back again so I close my eyes from good men around me. This is a part when I supposely say, I am damn stupid. Geez

He is not that good, he is not that nice, he is not that worth it.

Soooo thank you, for slapping me right in the spot God, it really awaken me. Now I am super ready to let go everything. No longer have that special feeling I was once confessed to him, no longer have special memories with him in my head, no longer have him in my life.

I wish someday he will read this entry, because I really love to tell him in person but I am too not in the mood to do that. I wish that in the time he read this, he will understand that I mean every word I said and I don't want him in my life again - forever. But I still wish him a good life and good lovelife. I hope he can find another love that actually work better than with me and I hope he can fight if he find the right love of his life.

Let me have my life, which in fact, will be happier without him. I thank him though for changing me into a better person inside and out, through the pain that he made me to have. Really, I learn a lot. But I hurt a lot too. Well, I guess there is always a price tag in every good stuff huh?

So goodbye you, please...please...do not come and mess up with my life again. :))))))))