Sanctuary

Do you agree when someone tell you that imagination is the same thing as a dream? So if you imagine about stuffs, it means you're a dreamer. Well I like to be dreamer and I like to dream. It could takes me to thousand places, even to places that exist only in our imagination.

I dream about a lot of things and I've been traveled to many places in my mind. But one of the best places I've traveled to is a fields of gold. This imaginative place of mine is different than your imagination if you're trying to imagine my imaginative place right now. Like I said, it's the only me who can tell it exactly like I imagine it and I am the only one who can go there.

My imaginative place is more and less like this: it has a beautiful fields of barley surround the village. I imagine myself standing between the barley and I feel the wind slowly blowing through my hair and body and I close my eyes. It's evening and the sun will be set soon, the red sky is the most prettiest thing there. It make me praise the mighty Lord for His spectacular creation.

I imagine myself having a company and I prefer it's a man. We sit there in the middle of the filed, trying to listen what the wind have to say. I feel loose and I feel freedom. No need fancy outfit, no need shoes, no need to tidy up my hair.

More than that, I imagine myself living in a simple life in a simple house, simple neighborhood, simple job, simple relationship, simple in everything. I imagine that everyday after I finish my work, I go to the fields of gold and just sit there enjoying the life given by Him.

It may sound too much for you, but in my imagination..it's beautiful and I love it there.

I am a women living in a big crowded city. Living in a big city is great but perhaps that's why I choose to create a simple imagination. Because I don't want to lose the balance between where am I right now and what I really want inside.

It's my sanctuary.

Even A Joke Has A Limit

Have you ever joked by someone or a group of people who you never had any thought of doing it? I just did. And it felt horrible until I cried about it. Even worse, it was done by some people and it obviously took me by surprise. I am hurt until right now and I can't believe that situation made me so much uncomfortable and ended up with my tears..even until now.

It about my weight and how people see it as an overweight. I am fatter than when I was in college and yes I admit it. The situation in my office which is always sit behind my desk and almost do nothing make me lose the balance between foods I eat and the calories I actually needed. But for the record, if you imagine what am I look

like, I am DEFINITELY not like this:

or not even close to this:

I mean I am a little bit overweight compared to my actual ideal weight but I am not like them (the pictures).

All I am saying is even a joke has a limit, and if the joke is already over the limit, you'll see it on those people you make a joke of. Or at least you have to be a little bit more sensitive about what you're joking about. Not everyone take a joke as funny as you think it is.

In my case, the reason why I cried when I was joked about my weight is I am trying to lose my weight. And for some people, it's not that easy. I tried and I have the effort to lose my weight. I tried and yet they still joked me about it. How ironic.

This is a silly matter really. For them, maybe it's just a joke and they will probably think that I am over sensitive. Yeah, wait until they got in a position where I am standing right now. Maybe not about they weight. Maybe it's about your economical situation, it's about your skin tone, it's about how skeleton-ly thin you are.

Oh ya, about the thin stuff. I don't understand why people LOVE to make joke about fat people but not the THIN one, like this:

See? For me, that girl is the beautiful version of this:

But then I came out with a thought. I should not care about what the say. In the end, a joke or not a joke, it wasn't funny at all for me. I think about those who acknowledge about my over weight problem but not make joke about it in front of me. Instead, they suggest, they recommend a solution, they try to help me - not make joke about it.

They are my true friends and family and boyfriend. Especially my boyfriend who acknowledge the problem but he still accept me for who I am, not in what weight I am.

Is it too much to appreciate those who treat me well and make a BOLD line between those who make me cry just because of my weight? Is it a sin to be overweight? Because for me, it's okay to be a little bit overweight as long as you're happy and it doesn't take effect on anybody.

I am happy with what I am and what I have right now. Why should some people even think to mess that up?