My Own Version of Human Lifespan

Earlier today, I listened to my mother's complaint about my younger brother who is still 17 year old teenage. And like any other teenage, they are all still searching for their identity and their place in this world. The complaint, though, do give me an insight thought about a new human life stages or human lifespan. All we know about human life stages is more and less like this:

taken from: mortology.org

The picture I attached above is an example of ordinary human lifespan. I have another opinion about this human lifespan. For me and at least this applied for myself as I flash back to my past, a specific human lifespan is like this:

First we are born into this world. We are so fragile and cute and funny. Everyone love us and dying to kiss, cuddle, and carry us.

Then we're growing up become a teenager. This is the phase where we usually intend to choose our own way to solve our teenage problems. In my teenage life years ago, I was quite a rebellion. I intended to choose my own way in almost every problems I had and sometimes it led me to be a selfish person, especially for my family. In that time, my friends and my teenage love life had a higher priority than my family. That's something that I regret these days. But life back then is much more simple than today. All I need to think is my study (and my teenage love life and friendship). Breaking rules were a fun thing to do, so do messing up with the teachers and else. The most extreme consequences you might get is maybe a detention. It's obviously doesn't apply to my life stage these days, I'll get fired haha. But it's funny sometimes when I flash back to my teenage life right now, I kinda miss it. You know what they say, a teenage life is the most memorable time of our life :)

After teenage, we become youth. Well you can compare youth with college time. In this period, we are trying to be more independent and dealing with consequences by ourself. We choose our own subjects, we take care of our own assignments and tests, and we take responsibility for our grade. In this stage, my mother never asked me about my assignments, schedule, tests, and grades. Not because she wasn't care, it was because she handed over all those responsibilities to myself. All she knew was paid for my tuition and saw me graduated.

The next stage is Active Life which is where I am right now. I'm 24 years old and I am a professional in a Financial Consultant. Everything is different right now compared with my previous life stages. I now handle a higher responsibility that I can't mess up with it. But more important is the way I grow up not only physically but also in my mind. Quick and precise example is about my younger brother. I picture myself like him years ago with my mother complaint about me all the time. Sometimes I get mad at him because of his irresponsibility and rebel, but hey that was me back then too. But most of all, in this life stage which is now, my family is having a higher priority than my friends :)

All I'm saying is we are all once a rebel and irresponsible. But over time, I believe that those rebel and irresponsible side of ours won't last forever. I believe if my brother is now suck a pain in the ass to my mother, he'll learn to be a better person years later. I believe in every everyone's life have their own way to learn something to become better. I believe God has a billion ways to shape one person to become what He want them to be.

I don't know what person I become when I move forward to my next life stage, maturity-seniority-death. But I insist to learn to be a better person. Everyone is going to face death sooner or later. So I put this thought in my mind as often as possible that I don't want to regret a thing when I reach my finish line. I want everything beautiful when I get there.

It's not too late to start a fresh start from my today's life stage. I am giving thanks for everything even they are not perfect. My family is not perfect - I lost my father when I was 13 and sometimes I have a fight with my family's members. But I am thankful for them because they are the very persons who will be there when you need help the most. My job is not perfect - sometimes I get boring and not feel the challenge anymore. But I have the funniest, greatest, craziest colleagues and the nicest boss ever. My boyfriend is not perfect. He is not the most handsome boy in high school and he can't give me everything in this world. But he is a guy who want to wait for me and catch me everytime I fall.He loves me for the way I am and that's what I need the most from him. I am not one of the famous and richest person in my society - I'm just an ordinary person. But I am proud to be ordinary as long as I am free. I'm free to do what I want and what I become. I give thanks to God for a good health I have since a good health is the most valuable God ever gave me, beyond money and wealth.

I guess that can make me one of the richest person on earth, right? :)

Writing Is My Talent

I miss writing. I do miss it very much. But somehow I don't know why, everytime my head is fill up with thoughts and I try to keep it for later at home, it is like evaporating and leave me nothing but blank page. It's maybe because I'm too busy and because I'm busy I might have no time to open my laptop and start typing. Or maybe because I get bored of writing. Could it be? Can you be boring to do something that you do (probably) best?

I remember back then when a Singaporean Indian pastor prayed for me and in his prayer he said that "writing is your talent from God so use it well" even though he never met me before, and ti was actually right. I love writing and in my opinion, writing is what I do best among almost all. I love to play with words and I love to explore and describe one thing, so those who read my writing understand what I'm trying to say. So in the time he said that sentence, all I know is one thing. God recognize me and He really really know me so well.

And as a thank you, I want to use this talent He given me for goodness, especially for the glory of His name. That is why, as you can see, in my previous blog entries I sometimes speak about how amazing He is in my life and how He works in my life over and over again. I can't be thankful enough to Him.

I lost my passionate to write until last night I prayed to Him to give me answer. I said if this talent is your gift for me and if this true is my talent, please use me, give me something so I can make it a powerful weapon to influence people about You. Make this talent of mine useful.

I want my passionate back, I want to write a lot. I want to convert my mind into words and I want that words become something worth reading. Should I stop writing for a while and take some break or something? *(almost) hopeless*

I Miss You

Just listen to Darren Hayes' I Miss You song and this is one of my favorite songs. The lyric is just super romantic. I think gay people can make more romantic song than the normal one :p

Anyway, this song is about a guy who miss a girl so much and at the end of the song, he said that he think that he maybe fall in love with the girl. This song make me flash back to the time when I was younger than I am today, especially when I was in high school when love (or puppy love, whatever) was more simple than love is today. In high school, when you have a crush with someone, and when you miss someone, the feeling is more and less like Darren Hayes' I Miss You song. "Because I miss you, and this all I wanna say. I guess I miss you beautiful, these three words have said it all. You know I miss you, I think about you when you're gone. I guess I miss you nothing's wrong. I don't mean to carry on."

Everything is different now that I am in "grown up" relationship. In a "grown up" relationship, all you want is a steady strong relationship, not just the feeling you feel or about the butterfly on your stomach. What I mean about the butterfly in your stomach is the feeling you feel when you nervous because you're near with someone you long for or you have feeling with and all you feel is transform to some reaction in your stomach because of that nervous feeling. I used to have that back then, but it's all gone now. I know I can't turn back the time, so this Darren Hayes' song is really helping me to rendezvous my old sweet yet stupid memories about missing someone so bad until you want to sing it to them. This song is good and most of Darren Hayes' Spin album are good, at least for me. The lyrics are deep.

And one of my favorite quoted lyric of him from this song is this:

" It's such a hard life and most of the time I;m just surviving. That's why I want you to know, in a world where sincerity has lost its meaning, you fill my world with so much hope"

Love has a powerful impact, you know, if you're using it right. Vice versa, it can be damaging to some people. So take a good care of it and appreciate its presence. Because sometimes, once it's gone, it won't be back for good :)