Logic And Feeling

Let me ask you a question, when it comes to love..what do you prefer: feeling or logic? The answers may be vary but allow me to break down my answer of that question.

Love, for me, is a condition when two people care too much about each other and they are willing to alternately give and take from each other. It means love is more than just a feeling. You need action to complete it. When your heart is being hurt by someone you love or when your heart doesn't sure about what you want and what you feel, that's the time your head start to work its function: to think what's right for you, objectively.

I am a logic person, no matter what I do and what I feel, my head goes up first. But there was a time when my head overly lost its power and it got me really down...almost in hell.

I was loved someone I knew for a long time. I didn't plan to love him and I didn't plan to be in a relationship with him at the first place. All I felt for him was care as a good friend, as a brother. But it turned out that the feeling was grew up unexpectedly.

We've been in a long distance relationship for a little while and it didn't turned out good. We broke up and for almost four years, we were silent to each other.

After that, things changed..sometimes we were good again and all I know the next day we were in silent again. It happened several times until at one point I realized.. we weren't meant to be together.

I realized that no matter how hard I try to hold on to him and no matter how long I wait for him , he never fought enough for me. That's the time my head speak louder than my heart. That's the time to move on. I let my head take the decision and take over everything.

So I move on and walk on forward, not backward. It may feel hard at the first steps, but it gets better in the end.

Don't get me wrong, I still care for him. I still care for him as a friend and even now we are in silent again, I still wish and I always wish that he is happy with his life and he someday find the love of his life.

That's how you know when you have to use your feeling or your logic: when you don't feel happiness in your heart, that must be a good reason to start using your head :)

Yesterday morning I went to the cemetary for an annual ritual for most chinese people in Indonesia called "cingbing-an". We usually do this on april month but this year, my family was a little bit late. We went there to visit my great grandparents, my grandparents, and my father who died almost 10 years ago. I never knew or met my great grandparents (I wasn't born yet at that time) and I never had a chance to know my grandmother from my mom.. She died when I was a little. My grandpa died when I was about 10. Both my grandparents died when I was young and still didn't know how to appreciate well.

Just like I said on the previous previous post, I don't fear death. When you're gone, you won't feel anything and you won't bring anything at all with you. You just leave to somewhere and I hope that's a better place to go. The most tragic part from death is the feeling of losing that felt by
the people who still lives.

And when I visit my grandparents' graveyard and my dad's, I missed them. When my grandfather still alive years ago, me and my family went to his house at Lawang every sunday. I played with my cousins and of course my mom visited his father. But I was very little back then so I kinda "ignored" my grandpa. All I thought at that time and what I thought everytime we went there was just like a daily routine and nothing special. I rarely talked to my grandpa and that's what I regret the most today.

What I'm trying to say is I wish I could turn back the time. I wish God gave him a little more time to live, wait until I realize what and how to appreciate things I have before it's too late. And now I miss those who loved and already left me. I miss having a grandpa and grandma. I miss having a dad.

I wish I have a chance to show how much I love them too.

Appreciate what remains in your life. Appreciate and give thanks for every little tiny things. Appreciate your good boyfriend even he's boring, for example. Appreciate your loving husband even he has a lot of weaknesses. Appreciate your parents because they are the only ones and irreplacable. Appreciate your family because they're your home. Appreciate your good friends becauae they might become a place your share your akward jokes and they're still going to laugh about it. Appreciate your income or salary, that's a share God want to give you. Most of all, appreciate yourself becauae by doibg it so, you're actuakly appreciate Him who created you from the very beginning :)

That's how you defeat the sad feeling you felt from death: by appreciating what you have remains.



- Posted from my iPhone

Fairly Fair

I recently watched this new american tv series called Fairly Legal. I knew this series from a friend and then I downloaded the first pilot episode. The story is good, the actresses and actor are pretty and handsome (I like those who played Lauren Reed and Justin :$), but what catch my attention the most is Kate Reed's job as a mediator. And being a mediator is different than being a lawyer. Being a lawyer, you have to take side. Being a mediator, you take no side but make sure both sides being the winner in some way. You can't say it's an easy task, everyone have their own story, ego and need to be win. And as a mediator, you have to break them all and start over.

As I watched this show, I started to think that the job Kate Reed have is a fun job to do. It sort of describe me in the way I control a problem between two parties. In facing a problem and find a solution, first and above all, seek for the truth. What happened back then, ask from all the parties and ask them to tell their version. After you get the clearer view of what really happened, start asking them what each party want from this case, what they expect to have or to get from this. It will help you to 'read' their mind to see where their mind leads to.

After that, you can make a conclusion of what really happened here then offer them the solution that you think is the best and fit and proper for everyone. Like a win-win solution..

I believe in the power of negotiating. If you have talent in negotiating or if you like to negotiating (simple example: you like to bargain when you buy something :p), you should give it to practice. Negotiation skill is practicable, it's have to be practicable...not just a theory based on the book. Sometimes you have to bluff, yes. But in order to do the bluffing, remember that you have to know something they don't, see what they don't, predict what they don't.

I had a negotiation class back in university but I already forgot it right now. I'm not an expert too but I like to negotiate for goodness. I like to be a mediator even just for simple case.

Remember this: before and during the negotiation process, setup your highest expectation and your lowest level of standard. Your highest expectation means your ultimate goal to be achieved and your lowest level of standard means the the ugly result you will probably get and you won't go deeper on a negotiation if you already reached that level. Simple example: the seller offer you something for 10 dollars. You set your highest expectation to 4 dollars and your lowest level of standard to 8 dollars. It means you actually want to buy that thing from the seller in 4 dollars. But if the seller give you the thing for 9 dollars, you won't buy it because it's more that your lowest standard which is 8 dollars.

Well that's what I learnt from my negotiation class.

Negotiation is kinda fun, if you know the rules and how to play the game.

But negotiation is more fun if everyone in the room is go out happy..just like in Fairly Legal.

Boss' Birthday

Yesterday is my boss' birthday and we celebrated it with a simple birthday lunch at La Rucola along with his wife and my colleagues. And since its the second birthday of my boss since I worked here, all the brilliant surprise ideas we used to have just..gone. So we planned a simple surprise this time: we bring over the birthday cake to the restaurant and we simply celebrate it there.

The birthday cake is probably the most "wow" thing yesterday because we brought an ipad cake with sudoku and finance application icons. A cake like this is pretty and cute, too bad we can't eat the icing since it's too sweet and can cause you diabetic.

The food I ordered at La Rucola is the other "wow" thing. One of my friend told me that La Rucola has the best black squid ink pasta. So I ordered and tried it. The taste is not bad, but it cost me all my lips. My lips are instantly black. For the complete review of this dish and the restaurant, visit myfoodism.blog