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But She's Still Love Me Anyway

2011-12-22T08:55:00.008+07:00

Today Dec 22nd is our National Mother's Day. And this day might awakening my sense of writing once again (after a long hibernation) and I'm about to write about my mother as a "priceless" gift for her today.

Everyone have their own reasons why they love their mother. And I have mine. I'm not saying all good and all pretty because there were times when I get stuck with her in an argument or I got mad to her about something. But in the end of the day, my mother is the one who's standing at the very desperate end of my life to support me, help me, rescue me.

I lost my father long time ago so my mother is also my father until today. And having two jobs all in one is not an easy job to do. She's working hard for living but she's still have to struggle with her children. And I know I'm not an easy person to deal with when I was a teenager but now I'm pass through that level and begin to realize what have I done to her is not what I expect my future teenage children to do. I broke her heart many times but she's still love me anyway.

Sometimes she can lose control and I can lose control and we argue. She stick to her thought meanwhile I still want to stick with my own idealism about how am I suppose to handle things. we are two different human being after all and having an argument or two is the most normal thing in the world. But when I down or someone is trying to hurt me, she's the first person standing and defends me anyway.

I am a tough person. I can handle problems by myself and fix it. But no matter how tough I am, I remember when I was a kid, sometimes I cried at night. My mom (and dad at that time) were sleeping in the next room and I cried in silent. I didn't know what's wrong with me but at that time, I cried because I was afraid like I am going to losing them tomorrow. So I guess no matter how tough I think I am, I'm still longing for my parents anyway.

When she was deadly sick few months ago, I was scared to death but I didn't show it. I just keep on praying begged His mercy to give my mother a longer life. A chance for her to raise her children and a chance for me to be a better daughter. She's the only parent I know for such a long time since my father passed away and I will never ever ready to lose another one. Now after my mother is perfectly fine again, I know that God really really heard my prayers and I realize that His love can come through many unlimited ways. One of the ways is through my mother's love to me. And I think He still prefer that particular way to keep loving me until today :)

Even some years I forgot this Mother's Day or maybe I forgot her another important day or she forgot mine, I'm sure I will always love her and I also sure that she will love me anyway.

Happy Mother's Day, Mother.

Here's a song by Richard Marx's Thanks To You for you. I mean every words :)

Thing I Want To Do Before I Die

2011-11-03T13:33:00.004+07:00

Today is the first day of raining after a long time of dry and hot season. And just like the first time of everything, it feels so good, cold, and somehow makes this heart warm. The rainy season in my country always reminds of snowy season in other parts of the world like in Europe or in America. I know for some people and some country like Russia and else, snow can be very dangerous. But I like to think the pretty side of the snow, it gives you a Christmas-y feeling. Beside, for me, snow is the prettiest thing in the world I am dying to see. It's so pure and white and it's very beautiful when it falls down to the ground.

Since I was a little, I always love to see Christmas theme films like the first Home Alone for example. The story of the film is funny, but what I love to see from that movie is the Christmas and the snow that came along with it. I know Christmas is about the spirit of the celebration but Christmas isn't complete without the white snow. In conclusion, for all this time, I always dreaming about white Christmas.

And talking about the thing I want to do before I die, there is one thing that always come up in my head. I want to see the white Christmas. I want to see and feel the snow in bare hands and I want to smell the Christmas tree from near. I also want to shop Christmas gifts for my love ones and most of all.. I want to share the Christmas warmth surrounded by my family, friends, and my love.

That's the beauty of Christmas and snow.. even if you feel cold outside, but somehow you can feel the warmth inside you.

So yes..I am sure. That's the thing I want to do before I die. I want and I have to meet the snow one day. And I am sure one other thing: I am sure if I keep feeling sure that one day I will step on a white land with snowflakes fall in my hair, that faith will do come true...eventually.

Define The Richness

2011-10-07T09:55:00.003+07:00

A month ago, my mom was sick and she was hospitalized for almost 3 weeks. It was one of the darkest time in my life and I pray to God that I never have to pass that time again in the future. She had a serious inflammation called sepsis and I really can't imagine what would if the treatment wasn't right. My dad passed away when I was 13 so it must be very scary to almost lose a mother too when I am now 24. So I prayed hard and harder everyday, I beg to God to put His mercy on me and my mother. He listened to my prayers and my mom is in a total fine now.

Since she was out from the hospital, there are many things change in her, in a good way. Before sick, she forced herself into massive activities so she forgot to eat and even drink water. But now, she is carefully treat her body better. Moreover, the most visible changes in her since she was out from the hospital is the way she value her life and health. From that day on, she prays every night and she avoid anger and any stressful mind. You know what, it doesn't change my mom only. It's change me too.. in a way I see this life.

For my entire life, I thought that the only wealth in this world is money, diamond, gold, and so on. If you have a lot of that stuffs, you are a rich person. Well of course I know some people once said that your health is your best asset, your greatest wealth. But most of the time, I am easily ignore that. Since my mom got sick and she was fine again, it really opened my eyes about how I define richness in this world. I may be don't have that giant amount of money, a sack of diamond, a bar of gold...in the time I leave this world, I won't bring it with me. I was born naked and yes one day I am going to die naked. He doesn't give me that much of wealth but He entrusted me with one irreplaceable treasure, my health.

I observe how rich people will die anyway even if they have all the money in the world the need to bring back the good health. I observe how they die and their coffin is real expensive but it won't change the fact that they are dead anyway. I don't know what will happen after death but I'm sure they won't bring along their money to heaven (or hell, not sure). So your good health is extremely important, irreplaceable, and priceless.

So since it's priceless, I can say that I am one the richest person on earth too, right?

Of course not everyone see this thought in the same way. Some will still think that having money, gold, diamond, and their friends is the important obsession to chase. Well yeah go ahead for that. Maybe one day if your "truly" wealth is taken away, you will reverse your thought yourself. And when that day come, let's just pray that it still not too late.

The Power of Prayer

2011-08-02T11:46:00.002+07:00

Last week was one of the most horrible week for me. My mom got sick and has to be hospitalized for almost two weeks now. She got a heavy infection named sepsis, which is a severe illness in which the bloodstream is overwhelmed by bacteria. And because we were underestimated the fever my mom had two weeks ago, the infection was already spread to her whole organs including the liver, her kidney, her bone marrow which cause her thrombosis was dropped to the very low score, her lab result was very "ugly". and her whole body was suffered from her sepsis illness.

I was shocked and I felt my two legs became weak after I realized how dangerous my mom's illness and how it can cause death if she doesn't hospitalized immediately. Then I started to pray. My mom is Buddhist and I am a Christian. And at first, I had this confusion between praying to whom I believe which is Jesus Christ or should I pray to hr God in Buddhist..you know like Kwan Kong, Dewi Kwan Im, etc. I was in a massive desperation and I didn't know what to do or asking for help to who. But at one moment after that, finally I can literally speak and I pray to my God. I told Him that it crossed my mind once to ask for help to the other gods. But then I realized that I don't recognize them-the other gods. The only god I know is Jesus Christ and to Him I asked for help. My mother is a Buddhist but I'm sure my God loves her too. I prayed to Him once, I don't ask for anything to Him. I only ask for one thing: please bless my mother and please give her a long nice life so she can witness my wedding one day, she can see her grand daughter born, and she can help me to take care of my little baby in the future. I ask to Him for a good health for my mother.

And that time I repeat my prayer to Him.

I lost my father when I was 13 and living an imperfect family is hard enough for me and my family. I honestly don't know what to do if He decide to take away my mother too soon. I almost lost direction and sometimes I feel very much hopeless to see my mother being weak and suffer in the hospital. I have 2 little brother and sister who still need her guidance and her present. I really don't know what to do if the worst thing happen, but thank God my mom is now far more better than a week ago.

I think He listen to my prayer and I can't thank Him enough for just listen to it :)

Sanctuary

2011-07-18T15:22:00.002+07:00

Do you agree when someone tell you that imagination is the same thing as a dream? So if you imagine about stuffs, it means you're a dreamer. Well I like to be dreamer and I like to dream. It could takes me to thousand places, even to places that exist only in our imagination.

I dream about a lot of things and I've been traveled to many places in my mind. But one of the best places I've traveled to is a fields of gold. This imaginative place of mine is different than your imagination if you're trying to imagine my imaginative place right now. Like I said, it's the only me who can tell it exactly like I imagine it and I am the only one who can go there.

My imaginative place is more and less like this: it has a beautiful fields of barley surround the village. I imagine myself standing between the barley and I feel the wind slowly blowing through my hair and body and I close my eyes. It's evening and the sun will be set soon, the red sky is the most prettiest thing there. It make me praise the mighty Lord for His spectacular creation.

I imagine myself having a company and I prefer it's a man. We sit there in the middle of the filed, trying to listen what the wind have to say. I feel loose and I feel freedom. No need fancy outfit, no need shoes, no need to tidy up my hair.

More than that, I imagine myself living in a simple life in a simple house, simple neighborhood, simple job, simple relationship, simple in everything. I imagine that everyday after I finish my work, I go to the fields of gold and just sit there enjoying the life given by Him.

It may sound too much for you, but in my imagination..it's beautiful and I love it there.

I am a women living in a big crowded city. Living in a big city is great but perhaps that's why I choose to create a simple imagination. Because I don't want to lose the balance between where am I right now and what I really want inside.

It's my sanctuary.

Even A Joke Has A Limit

2011-07-02T16:42:00.012+07:00

Have you ever joked by someone or a group of people who you never had any thought of doing it? I just did. And it felt horrible until I cried about it. Even worse, it was done by some people and it obviously took me by surprise. I am hurt until right now and I can't believe that situation made me so much uncomfortable and ended up with my tears..even until now.

It about my weight and how people see it as an overweight. I am fatter than when I was in college and yes I admit it. The situation in my office which is always sit behind my desk and almost do nothing make me lose the balance between foods I eat and the calories I actually needed. But for the record, if you imagine what am I look

like, I am DEFINITELY not like this:

or not even close to this:

I mean I am a little bit overweight compared to my actual ideal weight but I am not like them (the pictures).

All I am saying is even a joke has a limit, and if the joke is already over the limit, you'll see it on those people you make a joke of. Or at least you have to be a little bit more sensitive about what you're joking about. Not everyone take a joke as funny as you think it is.

In my case, the reason why I cried when I was joked about my weight is I am trying to lose my weight. And for some people, it's not that easy. I tried and I have the effort to lose my weight. I tried and yet they still joked me about it. How ironic.

This is a silly matter really. For them, maybe it's just a joke and they will probably think that I am over sensitive. Yeah, wait until they got in a position where I am standing right now. Maybe not about they weight. Maybe it's about your economical situation, it's about your skin tone, it's about how skeleton-ly thin you are.

Oh ya, about the thin stuff. I don't understand why people LOVE to make joke about fat people but not the THIN one, like this:

See? For me, that girl is the beautiful version of this:

But then I came out with a thought. I should not care about what the say. In the end, a joke or not a joke, it wasn't funny at all for me. I think about those who acknowledge about my over weight problem but not make joke about it in front of me. Instead, they suggest, they recommend a solution, they try to help me - not make joke about it.

They are my true friends and family and boyfriend. Especially my boyfriend who acknowledge the problem but he still accept me for who I am, not in what weight I am.

Is it too much to appreciate those who treat me well and make a BOLD line between those who make me cry just because of my weight? Is it a sin to be overweight? Because for me, it's okay to be a little bit overweight as long as you're happy and it doesn't take effect on anybody.

I am happy with what I am and what I have right now. Why should some people even think to mess that up?

Happy Endings

2011-06-22T10:25:00.005+07:00

Weeks ago I had a long nice chat with one of my long lost friend and we ended up chat about those ex who will get married. She heard the news from her friend that her first love and also her ex boyfriend will get married soon. She told me that no matter the situation is and how long you've been break up with him already, she will always feel something weird inside her the time she heard the news.

Does it always apply that way?

If you feel something like my friend felt about her soon-to-be married ex boyfriend, is it the sign that someway and somehow you do still love the person? Is it possible to be okay to heard the news if you completely do not feel anything for the particular person? Or the real question is, is it possible to not feel anything for your ex? People said that once you love someone, you can't get rid of the feeling from your heart. Even if you're breaking up with them and they leave from your life, the feeling is still there somehow and somewhere. You just don't realize it.

That could explain much of the mystery. In my friend's case, it's clear that she somehow still feel something for her ex boyfriend. She said that the ex is her first love and I exactly know how hard to erase the strong feeling you once had for someone.

I can't imagine myself in her position at that time because I haven't experience it yet. But I tell myself if one day it comes along, I would be happy to feel happy for my ex. I might still feel the weird feeling inside me, but that's it. I will feel it, understand it, and let go of it. Then I'll be happy like I said earlier.

Me and him, we tried to work the relationship but it didn't work out anyway. So if we work the relationship out with someone else, so it means that we aren't meant to be together. It also meant that we both deserve to be happy with someone else but each other.

If he found one and he is happy, I'll be happy too.

Because I know someday the vice versa will apply :)

My Own Version of Human Lifespan

2011-05-28T15:52:00.005+07:00

Earlier today, I listened to my mother's complaint about my younger brother who is still 17 year old teenage. And like any other teenage, they are all still searching for their identity and their place in this world. The complaint, though, do give me an insight thought about a new human life stages or human lifespan. All we know about human life stages is more and less like this:

taken from: mortology.org

The picture I attached above is an example of ordinary human lifespan. I have another opinion about this human lifespan. For me and at least this applied for myself as I flash back to my past, a specific human lifespan is like this:

First we are born into this world. We are so fragile and cute and funny. Everyone love us and dying to kiss, cuddle, and carry us.

Then we're growing up become a teenager. This is the phase where we usually intend to choose our own way to solve our teenage problems. In my teenage life years ago, I was quite a rebellion. I intended to choose my own way in almost every problems I had and sometimes it led me to be a selfish person, especially for my family. In that time, my friends and my teenage love life had a higher priority than my family. That's something that I regret these days. But life back then is much more simple than today. All I need to think is my study (and my teenage love life and friendship). Breaking rules were a fun thing to do, so do messing up with the teachers and else. The most extreme consequences you might get is maybe a detention. It's obviously doesn't apply to my life stage these days, I'll get fired haha. But it's funny sometimes when I flash back to my teenage life right now, I kinda miss it. You know what they say, a teenage life is the most memorable time of our life :)

After teenage, we become youth. Well you can compare youth with college time. In this period, we are trying to be more independent and dealing with consequences by ourself. We choose our own subjects, we take care of our own assignments and tests, and we take responsibility for our grade. In this stage, my mother never asked me about my assignments, schedule, tests, and grades. Not because she wasn't care, it was because she handed over all those responsibilities to myself. All she knew was paid for my tuition and saw me graduated.

The next stage is Active Life which is where I am right now. I'm 24 years old and I am a professional in a Financial Consultant. Everything is different right now compared with my previous life stages. I now handle a higher responsibility that I can't mess up with it. But more important is the way I grow up not only physically but also in my mind. Quick and precise example is about my younger brother. I picture myself like him years ago with my mother complaint about me all the time. Sometimes I get mad at him because of his irresponsibility and rebel, but hey that was me back then too. But most of all, in this life stage which is now, my family is having a higher priority than my friends :)

All I'm saying is we are all once a rebel and irresponsible. But over time, I believe that those rebel and irresponsible side of ours won't last forever. I believe if my brother is now suck a pain in the ass to my mother, he'll learn to be a better person years later. I believe in every everyone's life have their own way to learn something to become better. I believe God has a billion ways to shape one person to become what He want them to be.

I don't know what person I become when I move forward to my next life stage, maturity-seniority-death. But I insist to learn to be a better person. Everyone is going to face death sooner or later. So I put this thought in my mind as often as possible that I don't want to regret a thing when I reach my finish line. I want everything beautiful when I get there.

It's not too late to start a fresh start from my today's life stage. I am giving thanks for everything even they are not perfect. My family is not perfect - I lost my father when I was 13 and sometimes I have a fight with my family's members. But I am thankful for them because they are the very persons who will be there when you need help the most. My job is not perfect - sometimes I get boring and not feel the challenge anymore. But I have the funniest, greatest, craziest colleagues and the nicest boss ever. My boyfriend is not perfect. He is not the most handsome boy in high school and he can't give me everything in this world. But he is a guy who want to wait for me and catch me everytime I fall.He loves me for the way I am and that's what I need the most from him. I am not one of the famous and richest person in my society - I'm just an ordinary person. But I am proud to be ordinary as long as I am free. I'm free to do what I want and what I become. I give thanks to God for a good health I have since a good health is the most valuable God ever gave me, beyond money and wealth.

I guess that can make me one of the richest person on earth, right? :)

Writing Is My Talent

2011-05-27T11:43:00.003+07:00

I miss writing. I do miss it very much. But somehow I don't know why, everytime my head is fill up with thoughts and I try to keep it for later at home, it is like evaporating and leave me nothing but blank page. It's maybe because I'm too busy and because I'm busy I might have no time to open my laptop and start typing. Or maybe because I get bored of writing. Could it be? Can you be boring to do something that you do (probably) best?

I remember back then when a Singaporean Indian pastor prayed for me and in his prayer he said that "writing is your talent from God so use it well" even though he never met me before, and ti was actually right. I love writing and in my opinion, writing is what I do best among almost all. I love to play with words and I love to explore and describe one thing, so those who read my writing understand what I'm trying to say. So in the time he said that sentence, all I know is one thing. God recognize me and He really really know me so well.

And as a thank you, I want to use this talent He given me for goodness, especially for the glory of His name. That is why, as you can see, in my previous blog entries I sometimes speak about how amazing He is in my life and how He works in my life over and over again. I can't be thankful enough to Him.

I lost my passionate to write until last night I prayed to Him to give me answer. I said if this talent is your gift for me and if this true is my talent, please use me, give me something so I can make it a powerful weapon to influence people about You. Make this talent of mine useful.

I want my passionate back, I want to write a lot. I want to convert my mind into words and I want that words become something worth reading. Should I stop writing for a while and take some break or something? *(almost) hopeless*

I Miss You

2011-05-06T16:06:00.006+07:00

Just listen to Darren Hayes' I Miss You song and this is one of my favorite songs. The lyric is just super romantic. I think gay people can make more romantic song than the normal one :p

Anyway, this song is about a guy who miss a girl so much and at the end of the song, he said that he think that he maybe fall in love with the girl. This song make me flash back to the time when I was younger than I am today, especially when I was in high school when love (or puppy love, whatever) was more simple than love is today. In high school, when you have a crush with someone, and when you miss someone, the feeling is more and less like Darren Hayes' I Miss You song. "Because I miss you, and this all I wanna say. I guess I miss you beautiful, these three words have said it all. You know I miss you, I think about you when you're gone. I guess I miss you nothing's wrong. I don't mean to carry on."

Everything is different now that I am in "grown up" relationship. In a "grown up" relationship, all you want is a steady strong relationship, not just the feeling you feel or about the butterfly on your stomach. What I mean about the butterfly in your stomach is the feeling you feel when you nervous because you're near with someone you long for or you have feeling with and all you feel is transform to some reaction in your stomach because of that nervous feeling. I used to have that back then, but it's all gone now. I know I can't turn back the time, so this Darren Hayes' song is really helping me to rendezvous my old sweet yet stupid memories about missing someone so bad until you want to sing it to them. This song is good and most of Darren Hayes' Spin album are good, at least for me. The lyrics are deep.

And one of my favorite quoted lyric of him from this song is this:

" It's such a hard life and most of the time I;m just surviving. That's why I want you to know, in a world where sincerity has lost its meaning, you fill my world with so much hope"

Love has a powerful impact, you know, if you're using it right. Vice versa, it can be damaging to some people. So take a good care of it and appreciate its presence. Because sometimes, once it's gone, it won't be back for good :)

Logic And Feeling

2011-04-19T14:31:00.004+07:00

Let me ask you a question, when it comes to love..what do you prefer: feeling or logic? The answers may be vary but allow me to break down my answer of that question.

Love, for me, is a condition when two people care too much about each other and they are willing to alternately give and take from each other. It means love is more than just a feeling. You need action to complete it. When your heart is being hurt by someone you love or when your heart doesn't sure about what you want and what you feel, that's the time your head start to work its function: to think what's right for you, objectively.

I am a logic person, no matter what I do and what I feel, my head goes up first. But there was a time when my head overly lost its power and it got me really down...almost in hell.

I was loved someone I knew for a long time. I didn't plan to love him and I didn't plan to be in a relationship with him at the first place. All I felt for him was care as a good friend, as a brother. But it turned out that the feeling was grew up unexpectedly.

We've been in a long distance relationship for a little while and it didn't turned out good. We broke up and for almost four years, we were silent to each other.

After that, things changed..sometimes we were good again and all I know the next day we were in silent again. It happened several times until at one point I realized.. we weren't meant to be together.

I realized that no matter how hard I try to hold on to him and no matter how long I wait for him , he never fought enough for me. That's the time my head speak louder than my heart. That's the time to move on. I let my head take the decision and take over everything.

So I move on and walk on forward, not backward. It may feel hard at the first steps, but it gets better in the end.

Don't get me wrong, I still care for him. I still care for him as a friend and even now we are in silent again, I still wish and I always wish that he is happy with his life and he someday find the love of his life.

That's how you know when you have to use your feeling or your logic: when you don't feel happiness in your heart, that must be a good reason to start using your head :)

2011-04-17T13:07:00.001+07:00

Yesterday morning I went to the cemetary for an annual ritual for most chinese people in Indonesia called "cingbing-an". We usually do this on april month but this year, my family was a little bit late. We went there to visit my great grandparents, my grandparents, and my father who died almost 10 years ago. I never knew or met my great grandparents (I wasn't born yet at that time) and I never had a chance to know my grandmother from my mom.. She died when I was a little. My grandpa died when I was about 10. Both my grandparents died when I was young and still didn't know how to appreciate well.

Just like I said on the previous previous post, I don't fear death. When you're gone, you won't feel anything and you won't bring anything at all with you. You just leave to somewhere and I hope that's a better place to go. The most tragic part from death is the feeling of losing that felt by
the people who still lives.

And when I visit my grandparents' graveyard and my dad's, I missed them. When my grandfather still alive years ago, me and my family went to his house at Lawang every sunday. I played with my cousins and of course my mom visited his father. But I was very little back then so I kinda "ignored" my grandpa. All I thought at that time and what I thought everytime we went there was just like a daily routine and nothing special. I rarely talked to my grandpa and that's what I regret the most today.

What I'm trying to say is I wish I could turn back the time. I wish God gave him a little more time to live, wait until I realize what and how to appreciate things I have before it's too late. And now I miss those who loved and already left me. I miss having a grandpa and grandma. I miss having a dad.

I wish I have a chance to show how much I love them too.

Appreciate what remains in your life. Appreciate and give thanks for every little tiny things. Appreciate your good boyfriend even he's boring, for example. Appreciate your loving husband even he has a lot of weaknesses. Appreciate your parents because they are the only ones and irreplacable. Appreciate your family because they're your home. Appreciate your good friends becauae they might become a place your share your akward jokes and they're still going to laugh about it. Appreciate your income or salary, that's a share God want to give you. Most of all, appreciate yourself becauae by doibg it so, you're actuakly appreciate Him who created you from the very beginning :)

That's how you defeat the sad feeling you felt from death: by appreciating what you have remains.

- Posted from my iPhone

Fairly Fair

2011-04-13T12:46:00.006+07:00

I recently watched this new american tv series called Fairly Legal. I knew this series from a friend and then I downloaded the first pilot episode. The story is good, the actresses and actor are pretty and handsome (I like those who played Lauren Reed and Justin :$), but what catch my attention the most is Kate Reed's job as a mediator. And being a mediator is different than being a lawyer. Being a lawyer, you have to take side. Being a mediator, you take no side but make sure both sides being the winner in some way. You can't say it's an easy task, everyone have their own story, ego and need to be win. And as a mediator, you have to break them all and start over.

As I watched this show, I started to think that the job Kate Reed have is a fun job to do. It sort of describe me in the way I control a problem between two parties. In facing a problem and find a solution, first and above all, seek for the truth. What happened back then, ask from all the parties and ask them to tell their version. After you get the clearer view of what really happened, start asking them what each party want from this case, what they expect to have or to get from this. It will help you to 'read' their mind to see where their mind leads to.

After that, you can make a conclusion of what really happened here then offer them the solution that you think is the best and fit and proper for everyone. Like a win-win solution..

I believe in the power of negotiating. If you have talent in negotiating or if you like to negotiating (simple example: you like to bargain when you buy something :p), you should give it to practice. Negotiation skill is practicable, it's have to be practicable...not just a theory based on the book. Sometimes you have to bluff, yes. But in order to do the bluffing, remember that you have to know something they don't, see what they don't, predict what they don't.

I had a negotiation class back in university but I already forgot it right now. I'm not an expert too but I like to negotiate for goodness. I like to be a mediator even just for simple case.

Remember this: before and during the negotiation process, setup your highest expectation and your lowest level of standard. Your highest expectation means your ultimate goal to be achieved and your lowest level of standard means the the ugly result you will probably get and you won't go deeper on a negotiation if you already reached that level. Simple example: the seller offer you something for 10 dollars. You set your highest expectation to 4 dollars and your lowest level of standard to 8 dollars. It means you actually want to buy that thing from the seller in 4 dollars. But if the seller give you the thing for 9 dollars, you won't buy it because it's more that your lowest standard which is 8 dollars.

Well that's what I learnt from my negotiation class.

Negotiation is kinda fun, if you know the rules and how to play the game.

But negotiation is more fun if everyone in the room is go out happy..just like in Fairly Legal.

Boss' Birthday

2011-04-05T13:21:00.002+07:00

Yesterday is my boss' birthday and we celebrated it with a simple birthday lunch at La Rucola along with his wife and my colleagues. And since its the second birthday of my boss since I worked here, all the brilliant surprise ideas we used to have just..gone. So we planned a simple surprise this time: we bring over the birthday cake to the restaurant and we simply celebrate it there.

The birthday cake is probably the most "wow" thing yesterday because we brought an ipad cake with sudoku and finance application icons. A cake like this is pretty and cute, too bad we can't eat the icing since it's too sweet and can cause you diabetic.

The food I ordered at La Rucola is the other "wow" thing. One of my friend told me that La Rucola has the best black squid ink pasta. So I ordered and tried it. The taste is not bad, but it cost me all my lips. My lips are instantly black. For the complete review of this dish and the restaurant, visit myfoodism.blog

Job 5:17-27

2011-03-30T11:49:00.006+07:00

Everybody need their own way of comfort when they sad or feel burden. Some will do it with having so much fun with their friends, some will cry to take out what's heavy inside. But some people will looking comfort by praying, reading verses, and try to apply it.

I would like to share a section from the Holy Bible (since I am a proud Christian) which makes me feel safe and feel the comfort from our Mighty Creator. It was His ultimate promises for Job (Ayub in Indonesian version), and I believe it's His ultimate promises for everyone of us too. It's taken from Job 5:17-27, and if you read the section very carefully, all He want from us is only one single but important thing: do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. And you certainly going to receive the rest of the verses. May you feel blessed too, just like I do :)

"Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. For He wounds, but He also binds up, He injures, but His hands also heal. From six calamities He will rescue you; in seven no harm will befall you. In famine He will ransom you from death, and in battle from the stroke of the sword. You will be protected from the lash of the tongue, and need not fear when destruction comes. You will laugh at destruction and famine, and need not fear the beasts of the earth. For you will have a covenant with the stones of the field, and the wild animals will be at peace with you. You will know that your tent is secure, you wll take stock of your property and find nothing is missing. You will know that your children will be many, and you descendants like the grass of the earth. You will come to the grave in full vigor, like sheaves gathered in season. We have examined this, and it is true. So hear it and apply it to yourself"

Dream Wedding

2011-03-10T10:22:00.007+07:00

When it comes to wedding, I always think about the basic..the essence of wedding itself. In country and especially for Chinese people in Surabaya, it's very common to have a big celebration of love. It means there are hundred or even thousand of invitations, decoration that cost as expensive as the hall, lots of entertainment, and else. They hold a big wedding party and most of the times, the bride and the groom don't know all their guests. Mostly they only know some, and the rest are their parent's guests. And the biggest pain when you hold a wedding like is become an object of interest. The groom and especially the bride is going to be very exhausted since she has to wake up around 3 in the morning to do the make up and hair do, then they have to do the Chinese ceremony with the tea and cinciu (you know, give drink to the elders to show respects and blessings) and else, then go the church, then the photo shoots, the cinciu again, then the party. I don't know with them, but I certainly not going to enjoy it.

And I don't know why, I don't like that kind of wedding celebration. For me, a wedding celebration doesn't have to be extravagant. Sometimes, less are more. The essence of the wedding actually is the celebration of love, which actually can be celebrated in a very simple but sacred way. It's the promise you made at the altar is the most important thing above all.

Me myself, I love to have a simple but sacred wedding. I don't need thousand of people in my wedding, I just need those people I love and care and that include the families and close friends. I also don't need lots of entertainment, celebrating my wedding with my loved ones is the pleasure I love to have. All I say is, sharing one of your biggest day with few people you love is the biggest happiness you can experienced.

Well that's my dream but of course in a wedding we don't consider our own opinion and desire, but our couple too. But I still wish one day, I will experience my simple but gorgeous wedding.

It's going to be the most wonderful time in my life :)

FYI, these are e list of alternative love songs you can play on your wedding celebration ( I have checked the the lyrics and they are really fit for wedding):

Your Love - Jim Brickman & Michelle Wright
Be My Only - FM Radio
It's Not a Dream - Sharon Corr
They Bring Me To You - Joshua Radin

Because It's Not Ready Yet

2011-02-27T12:21:00.004+07:00

One of my friend has this one prayer, to meet the one who destined to be her soulmate. She ask for it so bad, until she didn't realize that the way she asked for it was very.....kinda pity. I once experienced the same thing. I was single back then for 4 years and I have to admit that being single for that period of time is not comfortable. Somehow, no matter how strong you are as a person, you need someone to share something with, to share feeling with. I asked for a person who can understand me, someone I can be comfort and safe with. Unfortunately, that kind of person I was looked for is not easily found. I believe there are few people in this world who can fit our criteria, who has the spark as we have, who has the same amount and formula of "chemistry" as we have.

Of course, I prayed a lot...asked God to answer tons of my prayers. But He stood still and didn't answer. He let me be alone and met bunch of wrong people. I didn't know why He did this and why he didn't answer what I was asked for. Even if He had a reason not to answer my prayers, I didn't get it.

Four years went by and He made me coupled up with my present time boyfriend. It's funny how it happened because I never expected it all at the first place. But it happened anyway in His will. And that's how my four years "loneliness' ends.

As I take a look my life backward, I can see something that probably my friend I told earlier didn't realized yet. I think was ready to meet my "someone" back then. Four years I've been waiting and I think I was ready. Well maybe I was ready...but my "someone" wasn't. Maybe God already answered everytime I prayed, but I didn't even try to listen to it. Maybe God was trying to answered me, "You just need to wait for a while, because your someone didn't ready yet..I need to prepare him so he'll become the best he can be when he meet you."

If you believe there is a time for everything, there is a time for death and born...

why can't you just believe there is a time He willl become your Mighty matchmaker?

Chris Medina: His True Love Story

2011-02-21T13:02:00.008+07:00

I recently just watched one of the American Idol's episode and my tears fell down. It was because of the contestant, Chris Medina his name is, had the most beautiful but tragic love story. He has a fiancée and they've been together for 8 years and engaged for the last 2 years. But two months before their big day, something bad happened. His fiancée got an accident which caused her a traumatic brain injury. That made her in a coma for a month or so and after she woke up, she was half paralyzed.

Instead of run away from her, Chris chose to stay and take care of her fiancée along with her mother. He came to the audition and he sang The Script's Break Even beautifully and unique. I was impressed by his story, his braveness, his gentle and responsibility senses. He said at the end, " What kind of man I be if I leave her in the time she need me the most?".

That's my fellas, is a prove of true love.

If you are in a good condition, good health, and you're in good wealth, love is just perfect and sweet. But the best test of love is this: Will you still be there for him/her if the troubles come like Chris Medina did? He could run away from his fiancée if he want to, but he chose to stay. That's make him a hero, that's make his the most beautiful man in the world.

"To have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part."

Watch Chris Medina's audition and story here

Impulse of Thought

2011-02-17T15:04:00.002+07:00

I don't know why some people, in an absence of knowledge, choose to keep the absence instead of to fill it. Like one of my experience..in September this year, I am planning to go to Malaysia with 3 friends of mine. I've never been to Malaysia before so I'm kinda afraid I will lost there. And it's not funny if I lost there because it's not your home country. So in my absence of knowledge about Malaysia, I've decided to browse on the internet, didn't know what will I get. Amazingly, I found a lot of great websites which can show me the shopping centers, how to travel via coach and fast train, and else. I know what hotel that suits me, what food I should eat there, and else. Now even if I've never been to Malaysia, when one of my friend tell me something about Malaysia like Sungai Weh or Purduraya Station or Sentral KL station....I know what they're talking about! If you ask me about the price of the bus ticket, I can answer you!

This is prove that even if you don't know anything at all about one thing, but if you have a will to seek and learn that one thing, you'll find it.

I don't believe there are some people who were born stupid (well unless they were born with physical and mental disabilities), they are lazy to move their ass or too lazy to, at least, trying to find out about something.

If you are willing to look for an answer, you'll find it somehow.

All you need is a little impulse of thought actually.

Happy 24th Birthday, Me!

2011-02-08T16:10:00.004+07:00

Today is my birthday. And as usual, it's still not my favorite day of the year. Well you should be thankful for the day you were born, and I am thankful for everything in my life. It isn't perfect but it's enough to make me appreciate it. And this time of the year, my colleagues make a surprise for me in the way I never expected at all! One thing for sure, I am glad :)

This is the VERY creative crown my colleagues made me. And unexpectedly, there is a picture of me with an ugly pose and my boyfriend yet with an ugly pose in front. Also there are two chopsticks glued to the crown and they glued a Sushi Tei and Suteki logo to it. I don't know why they doing that, but that's very...very unexpected.

This is the whole surprise from them. First there is a very cute birthday cake for me. There is a female patissier surrounded by cakes and donuts and else all made from icing sugar. There is mini lily flowers near my name which is very lovely. If you're happen to spot an apple itouch or iphone near the cake, well it's fake made from cardbox or corrugated box or something. Very funny.

Last but not least, my boyfriend gave me (the real) Apple itouch as my birthday present this year!!!! I am really excited and I can;t wait to play it all day long :D

Anyway, this whole birthday stuffs make me realize one thing. It's not the surprise or the gift that I expect on my birth day. Above all, I want to be near with my beloved ones. My family, my best friends, my boyfriend, my colleagues...those who remember my birthday not because there's a reminder from facebook or you read someone's birthday greeting for me then RT it.

But the surprise and all others makes me know how much I am loved and remembered.

That's more than enough :)

One of Life's Serendipities

2011-02-01T11:42:00.005+07:00

Having lots of friends is cool. It maybe because you're famous or maybe you're an easygoing one. And with me spent times with many different people that I didn't hang much before lately, it makes me realize that maybe I am not that easygoing person and I am fine with it.

Don't get me wrong, I can make friends with someone new. I can be nice to them, but I am not certain to be along with them. Like few days ago, I was asked by one of my hang out friend to hang out with her high school friends. I was in the same high school actually with her friends, but I wasn't at the same class; I took social class while they were in science class, so I felt like an outsider at that time. I had dinner with them at the mall, and yes I was tried to be nice and easygoing as possible. They were my friends and I enjoyed it. It's just...different compared with me hang out my friends.

From there, I am taking a conclusion. I don't need to be famous or easygoing or whatever. All I need is having a few true friends who always there to talk to, share something with, gossiping with. Friends whom I know I can count on anytime and the most important, friends who's going to be there in your darkest day.

I rather have them instead of having tons of friends.

And I thank God that my present boyfriend is happen to be one of my bestest friend. I feel safe with him, I can gossip with him (even it is just a one way gossiping due to he is not quite a gossiper like me (and please do not interpret the word 'gossip' with gossip, my way to gossip is by sharing stories about other people. Period.)), most of all I can count on him to be there for me. I really thank God for this precious invaluable gift :)

I thank God also for few persons who happen to be my best friends on earth. It happened because at some point and some way, they choose you and you choose them through a long time process. It happened because it's one of life's serendipities.

Sadly, you have to be carefully pick and appraise someone before you claim them to be your best friend.

I'm just saying, sometimes and at some point, they are not.

Oei Hui Lan

2011-01-26T10:11:00.007+07:00

I remembered that one sentence from Oei Hui Lan's biography book "Kisah Tragis Oei Hui Lan Putri Raja Gula Asia Tenggara dari Semarang" or in english it will be "Tragic Story of Oei Hui Lan: Daughter of South East Asia's King of Sugar from Semarang". The Biography is about Oei Hui Lan, who had everything women in this world ask for. His father is the richest man on South East Asia and she was lived as a princess almost her entire life.

But at the end of the story she said as she quoted Chinese old saying that "no feast last forever", and so did her extravagant life. At the ending of her book, there's one sentence that catch my attention. Well, almost all of her story catch my attention by the way. But this is what catch me the most to the very deep. She said, " Now I finally understand why my father (after he married his favorite mistress Lucy Ho, he changed his lifestyle from glamorous as a king into a way more simple. It is because the more we aged, the more we ask for a simple life and what it is. "

As she grew up and became older, she chose to move into an apartment instead of a big house in the time she was 50s. And as she grew up she realized, that money itself can't buy happiness. It can buy anything that make you happy, but it won't last. In fact, she stated that her loyal dogs were the ones that made her happy.

So I'm thinking and I truly understand one thing. Money does important but it won't make you happy at the end. Being with people you love and doing what you truly enjoy are the things that makes you happy. If you die one day, you won't bring your diamonds, golds, deposit accounts to your grave. It will stay here while you're gone to only God knows where.

I saw this one man when I queue-ing at the bank this morning. And suddenly I was comparing myself to this man. He is around 40-50s years old and his shirt is too big for him. He seems like wearing it randomly. He doesn't think about being stylish and modern or maybe being neat. Wearing a shirt just to cover his body is his only purpose. Meanwhile me on his other side, I woke up this morning and think what to wear to work today. I mixed and match my shirt and pants, I have to decide what shoes I want to wear and else. Being stylish and look neat is important to me and still I want buy another stuffs like bags, shoes, gadgets.

I thank God the moment I am contemplating this kind of thoughts. I thank God for being so good to me. I have a home even if it's not like a palace. I have the greatest and bravest mother even there is no father on my side anymore. I have my brother and sister even if they're so annoying sometimes, they're the one you always make up with no matter how often you're fighting with each other. I have a nice job I ever know, even if I'm not a director or manager, but I enjoy my job and my boss and my work environment. I got a nice amount of monthly salary, even it's not in billion rupiahs, but it's enough to support me all this time.

I don't have everything like Oei Hui Lan. But like she said herself, "I wrote this book for the world to learn from my experiences." She married to a man she never loved, her husband left her at the end, she had to watch one by one her son, father, mother, sister dead and she was left all alone with her dogs. His father gave her everything she want, she had uncounted money, diamonds, golds, and properties, she traveled the entire world, but all of that can't buy her happiness at the very end.

What make you think your money can do the opposite?

another source: Oei Tiong Ham: Raja Gula Asia Tenggara dari Semarang

C'est La Vie

2011-01-13T13:50:00.003+07:00

Some random thoughts just crossed my mind and I don't like it. Well I think I'm being a temporarily melancholic person. I am going to tell a story about myself and what me and my family have been through all this time and I am going to tell why I'm telling you this stuff. You may not like it, but I believe some people may take this as a life lesson, to be more grateful and learn to not asking more than you already had. Somehow, I think I owe God this.

I am talking about my mother and how brave she is to be a single mother for almost 10 years now. My dad died because of heart attack when I was 13 and my youngest brother was just in the first grade of elementary school. It was a horrible shock time for me and my entire family. My mom especially was the one who shocked the most. I was a pre-teenager who didn't know nothing but the fact that I am no longer have a dad. My mother had to shut down my dad's store at Banyuwangi because she thought it would be imposibble to go Surabaya-Banyuwangi back and forth all the time, it takes 7 hours to go one way. My mother had to find another way to make a life for her family. With a broken heart and full of confusion, she had to figured up what do for living. Thanks God my mother has a great talent at cooking. So she started to offer her fresh frozen dumpling products to some supermarket in my city and she did it herself. She inovated another products but like life which is like a roller coaster, sometimes the supermarkets shut down my mother's products. I must say, I wasn't easy.

On the other side, I grew up and as a teenager at that time, I realized now that I've been such an ass for my mother. Sometimes I made my mother sad, I made her angry. And as a teenager, I was looking and exploring myself and my identity and I didn't realize that I hurt someone who really already sacrificed a lot for me.

I believe that every girl in this world have their own hero and many of them say that their mother is their hero. Nothing's wrong with it, only for me, I have billion reasons to make my mother as my hero.

People said, if you want to see the clearer view, just try to walk in front and the look back. You'll see everything more precise rather than see it at that moment. You won't realize what you did was bad today. But maybe tomorrow you'll flashback to today and realize that you were wrong.

I was bad for years to my mother as a stupid teenager, and I see it right now. I see how hard she fought to get up and to keep on walking even your heart was broken and your mental condition was down. I see how strong she become until today, how all the obstacles she's been through make her today. She did it all..cooking, working money, raising her children, teaching them, loving them, fixing things. She is a real single mother.

Then I wonder, she won't be here by my side forever. One day, God will take her and I will left alone. What would I do if the day come? Am I prepared? Am I strong enough to walk this life alone without her? Whether I realize or not, I always run back to her for almost everything. She is the first person I run to if I need help. But if she isn't here anymore, what would I do?

I try to place myself into her position as a single mother with 3 little children. I don't have a husband to count on anymore, I just have to fight and do everything by myself. Then I tell myself that I am pretty sure I can't do it easily.

These long thought lead me to one thing. It's all because of God's grace upon me and my family. He took my father to make everything better. He took my father to teach us how to be strong and solid as a family time after time. Most of all, He took my father to show me that He's the Almighty..the one and only. He teach me how to fully surrender because everything happened and everything not happened in my life is because of His permission.

He knows me, He knows what happen to me and He let it happen because He himself teach me, train me to be a better and better person everyday.

It may be sound too much for some people but don't worry, one day God will come into someone's life from a different door. He may be straight knock to my door, but He may be go silently through your ceilings. You never know.

Another one thing for sure, if your time come and God want to involved to your life, you can not escape. Just invite Him in, share your problems with Him, and let Him guide you.

Be thankful for everything you have, it was there only because of His grace.

NYE

2011-01-05T13:44:00.009+07:00

Greetings everyone, happy new year to you =D

How's your new year's eve? I hope it was AWESOME!

Mine was a little bit simple this time, just had dinner with some of friends at Boncafe and went to Hare and Hatter, sipped a cup of Twinning tea which was very relaxing btw.

Come near New Year, the waitress at Hare and Hatter distributed trumpet for all of us and they invited us to go outside because there will be fireworks. And the fireworks was super pretty! I always seen fireworks from distance and I usually just said, "well okay it's pretty". But that time, the fireworks was lit up right in front of us so the fireworks was actually above us. And it was very pretty, I must say.

I took some pictures! =)

This is the source of the fireworks

Me and my bf :P

one of my friend asked to be pictured with the fireworks LOL

Happy New Year from Hare and Hatter, everyone! :D

I wish that this year 2011 brings you better in everything. Still do your best, be better with yourself and other people, and let God do the rest :)

Shine on!

Mother's Day

2010-12-22T15:14:00.002+07:00

Speaking of December, there's this one special day we usually celebrate in Indonesia beside Christmas. We celebrate Mother's day every December 22 and today is December 22! I usually don't know how to celebrate this particular celebration since every human being which is female and ever have children are celebrating this day. So it's a mass-celebration not personal celebration like birthday or anniversary.

So, the ultimate question is what should I do on this day to make her know that I am notice about the day but still not too much. So as a part of my dedication, I would like to share something or several things about my mother. Not because my mom is the best among other moms, I believe that every mom is the best for their children. It's just more like a recall for myself about the sacrifices she made for me and her children. Because sometimes we can easily forget the little but massive things she did for us.

My mother is a talk active person. She likes to share stories about other people, especially life lessons we can take from that other people experiences. She likes it so much until she doesn't realize if she already repeated it for like a thousand times! Sometimes I get bored, and when I was a teenager, I think my mom's kinda boring. But as I grow up, I realize that she was tried to make me understand that I should learn from other people mistakes and experiences. My mom still repeating stories all over again but this time I know that I have to listen and keep that in my head wherever and whenever.

I fight with my mom sometimes. You know, a perfect relationship is bullshit and even you claimed that you have one, it doesn't mean that you're fight-free. In any kind of relationship, you fight sometimes so that's okay for you to fight. But you need to solve the fight with peace and more understanding about each other later. Sometimes I think that she's stubborn, I think she only loves to speak and listen less, and maybe she is! But if that's true, that would be okay. She's not perfect and she is still human. I just want to accept that she's my mom and she already done a lot rather than just thinking that she's stubborn and else. She is my imperfect perfect mother.

She is a very strong women. I lost my father when I was 13 and it was 10+ years ago. And for 10 years, she fights to be a single mother and I have to admit that it's not that easy. She have to work meanwhile she still have to be a mother. Not every women are gifted with that kind of ability. But she did it well until today. She raised well (I hope) and she still have to raise my little baby brother now.

So I figure out what's the best thing I can give for her not only on this very day but for the rest of her and my life. I have to make her happy and proud. I should not make burden for her. I think that it's time for her to enjoy the life to the fullest. Well, not to the fullest, I still have a teenage baby brother to deal with. Haha.

So thank you mother and to all mothers for doing such an amazing the greatest hard working unpaid job in the whole world.

p.s: I know thank you ain't just enough :)

Crossed Path

2010-12-09T12:53:00.000+07:00

A thought crossed my mind last night and I had a chance last night to tweet that thought shortly. I said like this, " It's better to wait for the right time rather than push the time to be right. Everything has its own time. If it's your time, it won't happen". I've been thinking about this time topic related and how our path is crossed with other people's.

Have you ever thought how amazing life can be, when in one day we are destined to meet someone we never expect to come before, and the other day we say goodbye to them? I always draw this kind of thing like this with lines. I draw our each life path with a line (usually I colored it black :p) and every time we meet someone, that path will crossed with other people's line. And like a blank white paper, every time someone come into our life, our blank white paper will be filled with things, whether it's pretty or it's a mess. That's what we usually called, memories.

We may don't know when our path will cross someone's we desire to meet (like for example: our soulmate), but I believe one thing: that if you are not keep on walking to make those line, I can bet yours won't be crossed with anyone's line.

If you're now suffer a broken heart, I really know how hurt that can be. the world seems to stop rotating and your heart is empty, your path stop making line. So keep on walking and don't stop. Keep making line of life! Because then you are making a double chance to meet someone again in the future rather than just stop and grieving. It takes time, nothing instant will come to last. So you need to be patient and keep walking and keep praying. God will hear you and He was listening to your prayer all this time, even if you think He didn't. He just wait for the time to cross your path with your soulmate. He makes all things beautiful in its own time.

Well, something you need to have is just a little faith. :)

"Every experiences God gives us, every person He puts into our lives, is the perfect preparation for a future only He can see."
Corrie ten Boom

There's Always Something About December

2010-12-03T09:37:00.003+07:00

December is coming and it's my favorite month of the year. Not because it's one of holiday seasons, but it has Christmas, my favorite celebration on earth! I always envy those people in other parts of the world where they can celebrate Christmas with snow and bigger celebration than where I live.

In Indonesia, Christmas isn't the biggest celebration, Idul Fitri is. Meanwhile in America for example, Christmas time perhaps is the biggest celebration there. And I don't know it's only me or not, but Christmas would be not perfect yet if there is no little snowy snowy thing fall down from the sky and makes the land aaaalllll white :D

And since it's Christmas, it's time to make a Xmas Wish List. Well, I'm not writing this down to ask someone to buy me the things I want. I just make this wish for fun, but still I wish a little to my dear God, that one day my wish will be fulfilled :p

Apple Itouch 4th gen :))
Canon Ixus

Oh dear God, please make this come true :)))))))))))))))

Bali part 2

2010-11-19T09:25:00.007+07:00

The third day after Messy Bounty and Tweety's cage, we planned to do watersports at Benoa, somewhere Nusa Dua. I personally never planned this kind of activity therefore I didn't bring my swimsuit or any backup clothes with me. All I brought was a t-shirt and no pants, no towel, nothing. But then I thought, I'm at Bali and I will never find this beach, this water sports in Surabaya. So why not do it now? So there, I ride a banana boat which had very common sensation. The second water sports I tried was called sandwich. It's a giant tire filled up with maximum 4 persons laying down pulled by a speed boat around the sea. It was a SUPER sensation plus I felt hurt at the back of my neck after that. But it was fun-fun-fun.Some of my friends tried what so called the flying fish. You ride on the same giant tire, dragged into the sea, but instead of just flowing away, they made you FLY! Like this:

the flying fish

the giant sandwich

the team

Playing water sports, in fact, doesn't make your clothes all wet., it's just splashes. But my friends insisted me to jump out to the water so yes I was all wet. But remembering that I didn't bring any kind of pants with me, it means I have to buy the new one. And I don't know what was I thinking at that time, but instead of bargain the pants, I just gave away Rp. 50.000,- for a pants like this (crap!):

my 50K Rupiah Bali pants

After doing the water sports, we were heading to almost nowhere. It was because we didn't book the hotel for the third night and so on. So practically, we almost stay-less. First we went to Swiss Bell hotel to rent a villa, but then it got cancelled because we can't reached the owner. We tried every hotels possible, but it was all full booked for the standard room. Felt tired enough, we decided topick up our luggages (yes, we left it in Tune Hotel for Rp. 7000,-/luggage/day) then heading to Warung Italia at Seminyak. I've been almost there years ago but it was closed. We ordered the buffet menu (seriously, you can get a cut of lasagna for Rp. 18.000,-, fried squid for Rp. 16.000,-, french bread for Rp. 3000,- and else) and some pastas and a pan of pizza.

I love the fettuccine carbonara and aglio olio pasta and the pizza was okay. To adding a plus value of Warung Italia, the price of fettuccine carbonara for only Rp. 30.000,- and aglio olio for Rp 20.000,- only! The pizza cost us Rp. 50.000,-. It was the best price with great taste of Italian food. I have to come back there someday

50K pizza

fettucine carbonara

the buffet menu

We spent the last night at Bali at Singaraja, North Bali. My friend has a hotel there, called Melka Excelsior Hotel, Dolphin and wildlife resort. I've been there years ago and now here I am came back there. Melka Hotel has cute dolphins and you can swim with them. If they like you, they'll try to swim around you and above you. They also have horses and a pony named princess! I've never been seen a pony before, so the first time I saw Princess, I fell in love. She is so tiny and cute!

Meet Princess, the pony

I had a great time in Melka. The hotel is great, the dolphins are cute and lovely. the people are nice.

My suggestion, you should stay at Melka at least once to experience something different.

Well, that's my short trip to Bali. Anyway, I found this new kind of thing while in the fery back to Surabaya. There are a lot of kids offered themselves to jump out from the fery and catch coins, if you throw them coins.

I tried, and they really catched it! They are good and fast swimmers though.

Don't forget to visit Bali, fellas. It's one of the heavens on earth! :)

Bali part 1

2010-11-18T13:53:00.019+07:00

Hola! I’m back from Bali and I know I promised you lotsa photos from my short trip to Bali. And since tumblr and blogspot have different templates and else, so I’ve decided to make different post with the same topic. So make sure to check both of my blog for total report :D

This wasn’t my first trip to Bali but still Bali is impress me with its beauty and fun. I stayed at the Tune Hotel Kuta, Bali for the first two nights. I booked for two single rooms, each room will be filled with two persons. I already did measured the length and the wide of the bed and in my prediction, it’ll fit for two persons. But after we got there, all I can say was this room is too small. It’s very simple and almost like a boarding room (it even smaller than a boarding room actually) but very very clean. Honestly, I don’t really mind small room as long as the room is clean and proper to stay in. So I am giving 8 as the evaluation.

I stayed at the Harris Hotel Tuban Bali for the third night after had a “don’t know where to stay” crisis and it’s one of the best deal hotel!

I went to many beautiful places and ate a lot of delicious foods during in Bali. The first thing we did after we landed in Bali was off to Jimbaran. We enjoyed seafood with sea view there and surprisingly it wasn't that good anymore compared to years ago. After Jimbaran, we jumped up to Discovery Mall at Kuta Bali. We met few

friends there and then off to the beach behind the Discovery. It was dark and one of my friends, who sell fireworks, fired up lots of fireworks in the beach. It was beautiful fireworks :)

We sat down on the sand and talk. There, I met one of the friends of my friend who has a gifted talent. He can read hand line and he can tell you about your life, you love life and else. He also can read someone's face and he can tell you his/her character. I actually don't believe those kind of things but I'm curious enough to ask..just for fun. And surprisingly, he read my someone's face right just by looking at the photo I showed him. I believe he has a gift and I believe he has it for a reason. But whatever he told about me, I'll just want to see the positive side of it. Just like he said it himself, " I'm not God. I just tell you what I know. Just keep on walking and live your life but still be cautious."

After Discovery, we went to this small small restaurant we usually called "warung/depot", we ate Nasi Pedas Bu Andika. Before I went to Bali, my friend Inijie told me about this food and he said it's a must eat food in Bali. I said to him at that time that I don't like spicy food. But then I ate it and it was superrbbb! Of course I didn't eat the sambal pedas, but still taste super scrumptious for me. Here's Jie's review about Nasi Pedas Bu Andika.

Nasi pedas Bu Andika

The next day, we went to Ubud to eat the famous Nuri's Spare ribs. I never ate this food before so I expect more about the taste. People said that Nuri's has big portion of spare ribs so first I decided to share it with a friend. But then I eat it and I fell in love so much with this ribs. I started to ask for more from my friends. You definitely HAVE to make a stop at this restaurant and eat the ribs if you go to Bali someday.

the best pork ribs EVER!

After ribs, we went to Antonio Blanco Museum. I never been to Ubud before so certainly don't know about this museum at all. All I ever heard is Antonio Blanco is an artist and he painted paints. And I'm not an art person so in

the time came in to the museum, I felt lost, and for me it

was just an abstract naked painting (no offense Antonio). I met his only son, Mario Blanco who grew up to become an artist like his father. We took a picture of him:

Mr. Mario Blanco

Next, we went back to Kuta and decided to eat Flapjacks. I heard this place a thousand time and super curious to eat the crepes. One of my colleagues suggested me to have ham and cheese crepes but I decided to have dessert and save ham and cheese crepes for the next day as my breakfast. The dessert was too sweet and I felt so much guilty after that. I ordered ham and cheese crepes the next day and I love it! My other friends ordered American breakfast with pancakes, bacon, eggs, and french fries, and I love them both. Flapjacks is heaven, or maybe it's because me who loves American breakfast instead of Indonesian.

I can't get enough of it!

1. Flapjack's American Breakfast

2. Flapjack's Hot dog

3. Flapjack's Ham and Cheese Crepes

At night we decided to hang out at Ku De Ta, one of my favorite place with beautiful sea view. I've been there years ago and it doesn't change a bit, in a good way. I ordered the same drink, hot chocolate, and they have the best hot chocolate I ever tasted. My friends ordered a pan of pizza and sushi and it cost us Rp.800.000,- in total (%$#@$%%#). It was the most expensive pizza and sushi I ever tasted. But it was worthed :)

The most expensive but delicious pizza ever purchased.

The night was still young, according to my friends so we decided to go to this one club called Bounty. I'm not a fan of clubbing at all so I wasn't excited at all. The time I stepped up to the club, my face was like this =S. The music was too loud but thank God the music was good. Foreign people were everywhere, dancing and drinking, Strangely they drank the alcohol not in a normal glass but in a fishbowl. Or at least, it did look a like a fish bowl.

The trash was everywhere, the place was dirty and hot, sweats and smoke were everywhere. I could die because of passive smoker there. My friend said that, that was the most disgusting and ugly club here in Bali. You can't even found it in Jakarta. OMG.

The most interesting part of the club is there are two giant cages filled up with some people dance inside of it. My other friend said the cages are like Tweety's cage. LOL

Here I give you a clue:

This is Bounty Club. Please take a look at the right side of the picture.

Then compare to this cage. Look similar, right?

Bounty has more tweeties in the cage than this one :p

To Be Continued.. :)

Bali Bali Bali

2010-11-11T10:10:00.001+07:00

November 13th this year is going to be huge!

I planned a trip, an accidental trip to Bali with 3 my friends of mine. So in the next two days, I take a couple days off then I'm going to fly to Bali, enjoy my every second in there and just seize it!

Last week, I've got an offer from one of friend and she asked me to go to Bali. The first thing on my mind was....well, I'm not sure of it all. But really, if you're really meant to go somewhere or do something or be with someone, there will be a way or two.

I always tried to plan a trip somewhere before this. But I always ended up with failing. The reasons were various: I had no companion, had no perfect timing, but when I found a perfect timing - it's not matching with the budget. But this time, I have companions (which recently some of them have a broken heart issue), I found the best deal flight and hotel :D

Sure I'm going to post some photos I take, the place, the people, the foods, the scenery right after I get back.

So, until I get back, here's an appetizer for you :)

Family

2010-11-09T14:30:00.002+07:00

Meet the Walker Family, one of my favorite "fiction" family on Brothers and Sisters TV series. The first time I followed this TV series, I knew it was not just an ordinary family drama. It enlighten me about what family suppose to mean and suppose to be.

Who inspire me the most is Nora Walker, the matriarch of the Walker Family and a widow of her deceased husband. She is a strong women, I have to admit and she always try to help her grown up children with their problems, even sometimes her children think that Nora is trying to intervene. And even their children think of her that way and even sometimes they argue and fight and stop talking to each other, Nora is the only person her children come to - she is there always for her children.

Nora is the perfect representation of how a mother should be pictured. Being a mother, it doesn't always to be perfect. But she always know what's the best for her children, even sometimes her children think that she just ruin it all or she just trying to intervene problems. Take Nora as example. I observed that she was the one her children came to every time they have reached their tip of problems. When they broke down and need a shoulder to cry on, they ALWAYS came to Nora and cry. And Nora just held them and said "It's okay, everything is going to be okay."

I am not a mother yet, but I surely learn a lot from her character. All you have to do is fight for your family and be there for them all the time and no matter how ruined the condition is.

Family, as well, it doesn't have to be perfect. It's okay if you have to argue and fight. But you have to make up to each other after that. You have to be brave to say sorry if you're wrong and you have to mean it. You have to be brave enough to say thank you, you have to be brave enough to hug them to tell them that you love them. Above all, you have to be proud of them.

There is such thing like perfect family. But sure you can love your imperfect family, perfectly :)

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them.
~Desmond Tutu

November Disaster

2010-11-03T16:53:00.000+07:00

Month November is kind of my “special” month for me from a long time ago. Unfortunately, it’s not in a good meaning. In November, three members of my family having their birthday in this month. It means I have to give them presents. So it means I have to buy presents for them. And start from this year, I am going to celebrate my first anniversary with my boyfriend. I have this obligation to give something to him, as a anniversary present or something. It also because he’s been too kind to me for the last one year, so I think he deserves to get something he like to have from someone he like to receive present from :p

So in total, I have to buy four different kind of presents, in A MONTH! I’m so broke :(

But the good thing is, November is the last month before December, my favorite month of the year. December’s weather tends to be cold, it’s going to be a long holiday at the end of the month, and Christmas is near!! Let’s be merry everyone, I felt the Christmas spirit already :D

So, December is my favorite month of the year. What about you? :)

Zooey Deschanel

2010-11-03T15:13:00.002+07:00

Meet Zooey Deschanel, the girl who played Summer on 500 days of Summer and also my new fashion inspiration. 500 days of Summer is a good sweet movie, it’s a story about a relationship someone could have and that’s could happen to anyone of us. One thing I love from the movie is Summer with her quirky persoality and great vintage style. She always wear vintage dresses with simple hairdos with that front fringe so even she’s quirky and stupid to reject the sweetest guy ever, Tom, she still astonished me with her fashion style :)

French Diet

2010-10-22T15:48:00.002+07:00

I can't let go myself from one thing: diet. And I love to eat, especially foods I love, so it's kinda hard thing to do for me to do a diet. You know, some people willing to do a strict diet, no meat, no rice, no bread, no fat, just veggies and other plain foods. Some others willing to eat only one time a day. For me, it's like very hell of the hell.

I've tried before to do that kind of strict diet, and I only end up with eat more than I suppose to consume. O dear God, if only I can't get fat even if I eat a lot of foods T____T

I've tried another option of how to losing weight: do yoga. With yoga, you don't move your body too much compared to aerobic for example. You just slightly move your body to one position then hold still for about 30 seconds, then you repeat the position. It will make you all sweat and I am happy that I'm sweat. It means that so and so much amount of fat are burned! But then, I forget about the diet. I consider the yoga will burn my fat so I don't have to do more diet food to lose my fat. I end up fail again.

I've tried another method, it's called banana diet plan. I've read the article somewhere about this diet plan, basically you eat more bananas and less carbo. So I started to eat bananas in the morning, eat normal for lunch, eat bananas again for dinner. But then, I ran out of bananas so I stop did the banana diet plan.

Another method I took was water diet. You drink 2 full-glasses of water before you have dinner or lunch. You will feel full before you start eating your meal. So automatically you'll eat less than usual. But again, later I forget to drink the water and just go straight eat my meal.

So the conclusion is I can't do diet, I always fail the plan. I talk to myself, why am I forcing myself to do a diet if obviously I can't have a full commitment to do so? But on the other side, I can't just continue to eat without gaining weight. In dilemma I am.

But then, TING.. it's light bulb moment. I read somewhere about how French people eat their meal. They will eat slowly and in a tiny portion. The diet method won't give you an extra weight loss, but at least you can TASTE whatever you want without torturing yourself but still not gain your weight! voila! And by saying taste instead of eat, I mean you still can taste the taste of chocolate croissant or ice cream, or maybe junk food, BUT you have to eat it in a small portion and not the whole piece of it. i suggest you share the food with someone else or order the smallest portion of it.

So here's the french diet method based on how french people's perspective about foods and drinks:

The French hold food sacred. They enjoy the food so they munch their meal slowly but sure. They feel the taste of the food in their tongue.
The French as a culture set aside a time and place for food. Don't rush!
The French have their meal in a smaller portion compared to American or even Indonesia. They eat slowly, so they are able to realize they are full after eating far less.
etc. etc.

That's the top three and the most important of French Diet Method. You can read the rest of the article here: How French People Do Diet

Now I can eat anything I want, I just need to keep it in balance between what I eat and in what size I eat that food. It looks simple, but yeah let's not take it too easy on that because who know you'll slip a little :p

Anyway goodluck everyone and anyone of you who already planned and failed on so many diet methods but still not giving up. May this French method help you and me. Amen! :D

People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.
~Author Unknown

Righteous

2010-10-11T16:04:00.003+07:00

People can be so suck sometimes, you have to admit it. Some of them, even the one who close and related to us can be in that category. They can accuse us for something we' didn't do, but if we done something..they just easily judging us. I was very upset every time I heard people talk about me, about what I've done, about my decisions, about the way I acted. But then I realize that it won't give one single positive impact to myself. It will just destroy you and your happiness. So instead of upset, I will do this: you probably hear something you don't like, but don't let your heart hear it too.

You know, sometimes people get angry because they heard something unpleasant, then the brain and the heart make a respond...bang! that's your anger. You probably will nag, punch something or people, and do another something negative. So if you heard something unpleasant again next time, try to make a positive or at least neutral barrier around your heart and head.

And the first reaction you should have is: smile. Whatever people say, just smile , keep telling yourself "those people, they just don't know what they're talking about", then leave. Try to make peace to yourself by preventing it.

Try also to keep telling yourself that we all are basically them. Sometimes you and me can be like those people who hurt us right now. Sometimes, we hurt other people too.

You're not fighting back against something negative people said, it's not wise and wrong. we keep sin silent so there's no anger or any negative aura is wise and right.

Remember, at all times, doing what is right is the righteous thing to do in God's eyes :)

+

2010-10-06T14:52:00.001+07:00

I have lot of problems lately and I don't why, they just came up to my very door and knocked at the same time. Problems from my side job as an online shop owner who have to deal with this carping customer, and problems from surround me. I heard too many negative thoughts and opinions and stories, so I become like this freakin' afraid about the world I live in.

I believe that if you keep telling a person something negative and ugly and bad, that person will become negative minded even if the world around that person is in the positive aura. It's like you've been brain washed or something.

And I also believe the vice versa. If keep telling a person everything positive, s/he will get used to think a positive side of a thing or problem. And it will affect everything in your life: your health, your emotion, your happiness, everything!

This is what I just realized and I am about to learn. It's not easy sometimes to keep on balance, stay positive everyday and everytime. But I was in a position of being a victim who heard so many negative aura and I didn't enjoy it. I just don't want that thing happened to other person I bump into in the future. I must stay positive, speak positive words, act positively. ++++ :)

So stay positive everyone! If you don't get used to it yet, well..start to get used to it. You'll never go wrong with that, believe me :)

Brave & Wise

2010-10-03T00:38:00.001+07:00

What will you do if you get bored? You probably will try something new,something challenging,something risky. And now I am in that situation. I have a good job,but sometimes good isn't that good anymore to me. I have a great boyfriend but the same routine every weekend bored me. Then I want something new, something challenging, something risky. Now the question is, how dare you are to take the risk of something new?

For example, I've been trying to run a small business of my own beside my main job as a secretary. I owned an online shop in facebook and most of my products are Pre Order system. It means that I have to collect a down payment from my customer in one period of time,then I ship the order from cina and HK. In conclusion,I do not have to cash any money in advance. I pay the products to my supplier after the customers pay the rest of the DP.

Now I have another challenge and risk all in one. I know this store who sell accesories for girls such as fashion earrings,bracelets, necklaces, phone straps, etc. I've got great price and I want to make it my new online business. But the problem is I have to pay in advance. I have to ready stock it. It means there is a risk (and I don't how big is the risk) that the accesories aren't sell well. I honestly afraid of that. But I keep telling myself that that's a business! There are risks and you should take it. Suck it up!

Well yeah, it's not that easy to suck it up. I also have a plan to take cooking and baking courses. Maybe someday I will open my own bakery or something.

Gosh, making money is hard. It's way so much easier to spend it. I guess I should be wiser to spend my money on something. Or maybe I should be more brave to take the risks.

Well, I should be more brave and wiser in the same time. You know it's hard -.-"

P.s: I have this new addiction,suteki's take away sushi. They have great taste of sushi with great great price! Love it ♥ !
Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

A Sweet Birthday Song

2010-10-01T10:26:00.002+07:00

Years ago, I heard this audiophile version of birthday song sang by anonymous aka I don't know who's the singer and the title. But the lyric is magical so I listened to the song carefully then wrote down the lyric and of course it's not 100% correct. But few days ago, like I forgot all this time the magic Google can do, I browsed the lyric by typing one line I'm sure it's correct. Then voila! it's The Birthday Song by Corrinne May. It's a wonderful birthday song with great lyric. I would love to sing that song to my particular birthday who really really deserves it :p

I have a massive headache and sleepiness so I'm gonna sign out. Will write something later! Ciao!

p.s: today is the first of October. time fliess :D A good good friend of mine is going to come home to Indonesia this early Oct. I'm soooo excited! Long time no see this dude :D

What's The Best

2010-09-24T11:18:00.001+07:00

You won't realize that someone loves you that much until you experienced one. And I just realized it yesterday and it's about my recent boyfriend. He came to my life years ago as a friend, and years later he came to my very life as a boyfriend. And I feel safe with him, he knows me well in and out and you rarely can found someone like that in your life. And the most amazing thing he keep telling me is " I accept you the way you are". It sounds cliche, I know, but I know he meant it too. He keep telling me to eat a lot of food so I get fat until there's no man flirting on me or me flirting on them. Well..

I had a bad experience of love years ago, when love wasn't for me and him but I kept the faith (read:stubborn) that someday eventually God will give us a chance.But believe me, when God said no, then it's a no. If you keep your stubbornness, you'll block God's best way for yourself. The words "everything has a reason" is true, even though I know it's hard to understand what's the reason is. All you need is keep on walking until God tell you to stop (read: real and true faith), and He will ask you to look behind your back. You want to know what I saw when God told me to do it? I saw that I've been very stubborn not to let go and it didn't help me to get through my trouble. I finally I knew there's someone better waiting for me allllll the time. He just waiting for the right time to come to my life and ask me if I let him to love me. It's like God is trying to say "Here's someone best for you. Not him in the past". The past is exist so you can learn from it so you'll do better in the future. So if the right person come along, you won't do the stupid mistake again.

And this man who come to my life and ask me if I let him to love me,....he doesn't give me the whole world like the lyric in the love songs. He just give me his world to me. And I know it's somehow bigger than the whole world itself :)

I could not ask for more. This is perfect.

Inspired to be Inspiring

2010-09-16T14:36:00.002+07:00

This picture was displayed in one of friend's blackberry messenger contact. And his name is Edric Chandra. And I asked him, what is it? Is a magazine article or something? And he said yes, it is a profile article of Popular Magazine. I didn't know what's Popular, well it doesn't sound like popular to me. He said it's a grown up men magazine. Oh..well.

Anyway, I asked for the softcopy to him and he sent me to my email. I read them and I was like astonished by it. For those who don't know this guy might be astonished at the first time they read about he become a cigar manager at Wismilak. I knew that a long time ago. And it's still make me astonished though.

But what make me astonished more is his vision, they way he sees things. I don't know how he doing it, but he always see a different way, a different path, and out of ordinary, out of everyone else. I always know what he want, and he always find a thousand ways how to reach what he want. He always take the quirky weird extraordinary way to live his life.

In that article he said that he was inspired by his tukang becak the most. And I inspired by him the most. I knew this guy from junior high school and I surely learn a lot from him. I have this principle that in every troubles and every obstacles, there are ways to get through it. He tought me to not easily give up, to fight what's worth fighting for, no matter hard it is. He tought me to pierce the impossibility. And believe it or not, it's become a part of me now. So yes, if he was influenced by tukang becak, then I was influenced by him.

You guys should read this article about him in Popular Magazine September issue. This guy, is beyond amazing. And Edric, I am so much proud of you!

Check his facebook page: Edric Chandra and follow him on twitter: @EdricChandra

Getting Onboard

2010-09-13T04:59:00.002+07:00

I just drove my sister on her way to New Zealand at 3.30 in the morning and I found myself hard to sleep.So I decided to write an entry,since I have this thought in mind.

I had a conversation with my boyfriend about marriage and engagement thing (it's a light and short conv.) and it make me thinking about several things.

How do you know when you're ready to get married?What is the sign?Well,except the financial factor and personality of course. What I'm trying to say is getting married is not that simple as getting married. It means (at least for me), that you're about to leave your "present" home and family and about to live in a "brand new" home,and maybe with other family.Now what it may seems to be a problem is..you're not that easy to leave one home to another home right?When it comes to home,it means that you found a place where you can be safe,relax,peaceful,a sactuary. Remember the phrase,there is no place like home.You just don't call a place:home,easily.It takes time.This is the sign maybe..are you ready to leave your home for over than 20 years and move in to a new home for the rest of your life?

It's not only a house that you will leave,it's family.Your family.You live with your family for over than 20 years but the next day you move out and never see them again as much as you did.

See?Move out from your "present" home and "leaving" your family to creating a new family isn't easy.You have to be ready.

And you know what, I'm not ready.Maybe it takes 1 or 2 years more for me to be ready. I'm sure time will tell :)

Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

I Smell Holiday

2010-09-08T00:40:00.001+07:00

Finally I can have my holiday starting tomorrow!I'm going nowhere which is suck because I usually can't stand boredom.I need something to do and I might end up watching dvds or read books or sleeping or just sightseeing at the mall.
The funny thing is,I kinda miss my work.I just started my long holiday but I missed my office already.I miss my boss (in a normal way of course),my colleagues,my desk,my high speed wireless internet connection,my notebook,and else.I think I'm too attach with my work so once I have my long holiday like this,I will feel there's something missing.
I've just realized too that I love my job.It's not challenging as I expect but I love it.I imagine myself if someday I must quit from my job,what would I feel?It already become my daily routine,and it's kinda hard to leave it.

I hate goodbyes,really.they suck.
But every ending has a new beginning,that's what people say.so every goodbye has a new hello.and every hello means a new chapter,a new day,a new challenge to be tamed.

Right? :)
Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

In Law

2010-09-03T16:47:00.003+07:00

I helped my boyfriend's mother to make a baked macaroni with bacon and cornet last night. I was quite surprised the first time because she was not only made that baked macaroni my herself, but also with her older sister and close friend IN her sister house. So I met the big family of my boyfriend which for me is kinda frightened. I never met my ex-boyfriend's family before so I felt a little bit uncomfortable last night, in a normal level.

I had an experience which made me learnt a lot about how to be polite but still be yourself to other person/group especially boyfriend related. I made a big mistake years ago where I didn't give my fully respect to my ex-boyfriend's family. I didn't realize it I was wrong at the first time. And it left me a big regret also. But I try to learn from the past so I can be better in the future.

So this is it, I face yesterday quite successful. I said hi to everyone, I offered my help cut the bacon, to slush the cheese, to crack the eggs. But the most important is I start the small talk. You can't keep in silent forever. People will think you're a loner. By start a small talk, you try to blend with them. Well, at least they know you try.

I have a secret how ease the uncomfortable part when you meet your mother in law to be: it's the power of your mind. Keep remind yourself and keep this in your head that s/he (the parents in law to be) is just human. Don't think that they're your parents in law. Just think that they're persons, your close friend's parents/family member who need to be respected. I mean, you have to respect everyone right? Make no different in your mind.

If you respect everyone no matter who they are, then you have no difficulties to respect your parents in law to be. :)

In a short words: Be casual with them. You'll never go wrong with that.

Anyway, my mother in law to be made me two baked macaronis.I love her selfmade baked macaroni. But since I saw it myself the ingredients, I think I better think twice before I consume it.

It contains: a pack of long macaronis (high carbohydrate), 2 pack of cheddar cheese (high calories (and calcium of course)), approx. 10 eggs (cholesterol! cholesterol!), 2 carts of milk (thank God it's low fat high calcium), a large pack of beef bacon (there're too much preservatives in it), and cans of beef cornet.

And this is i: 2 BAKED MACARONIS WITH BACON AND BEEF CORNET made by my boyfriend's mommy for me

Look delicious right? ;p

Till Death Do Us Part

2010-08-30T14:55:00.002+07:00

I had this nightmare few nights ago. It was a blur but the feeling was real. I felt scared, I felt losing something. Something scary so that I can't even say it right now. And it leads me to one statement, that you don't know how it hurt to lose someone you love, until they're gone. I heard this statement million times, but I never truly understand the meaning. But now I understand, and it changed me since then.

I remember when I was 11 or 12, I cried in silent in my bed one night, pretending what if my mother and father is gone? Who am I gonna be with? What if I am left all alone just with sister and brother? And that thought made me very much frightened and all I can do was crying and crying.

And few days ago, I had the same fear. I had a bad dream and it led me to feel the same fear all over again. But this time, I am afraid I'm going to lose my mother since my father passed away when I was 13. I fully realize that everyone is going to die someday somehow. And I'm just afraid that someday it happen and I feel like not ready to face it. First I'm afraid I'm not ready to be alone without her, and then I'm afraid I haven't good enough to her. I owe her millions and for me the best way to pay it back is now, before she go back there, if you know what I mean.

And that thought, unconsciously, leads to how I treat her. I treat way much better. I keep remind myself that that's the only and best way to pay someone who really deserves it from the beginning. She's been fighting for me, defend me, love me, take care of me, educate me, and protect me. Like I said, I owe her millions.

I don't want to feel regret, I avoid that. So I try to appreciate what I have and try to keep it well. I believe the best way to made it up to someone is by treating them right. I won't complain if I have to drive my mother somewhere. I won't complain if she ask me to do something boring. I won't complain if I have to pay something I don't buy but for her. I won't complain as I start remember how much I am going to miss her when she gone someday.

And it make me to change the way I pray. I prayed a lot before this. I ask for an answer for my personal matter. I ask for many things, but for myself. But now, I only pray for one thing. I ask God to bless my family, my mother, my brother, and sister, and the home we live in. I don't ask God to bless me at all. I just ask Him to bless my family. I do this because I have my eyes opened that my family is the only certain thing I have, the only real thing I can hold on to when my world is dissapear. Besides, I know God will bless me even when I don't ask him to.

All I'm saying is if you realize how much the time worth especially when you are with someone you love. Not only parents, but your lover, husband or wife maybe, your brother, your sister, your children. Time flies so fast and sometimes we don't realize it.

We think we still have so much time. But I tell you, we don't.

There's nothing certain in a man's life except this: That he must lose it. ~Aeschylus, Agamemnon

500 Days Of Summer

2010-08-24T15:30:00.001+07:00

Have you watched this movie?You have to watch it, especially for girls! This is a sweet, touching, yet it is light movie :)

When I watched this movie for the first time, I felt light. This movie is almost like a fairytale about reality. This is a story that could happen to all of us. You met a person, you fell for them, but it didn't worked out well. You have tried again, but it failed anyway. After your heart-broken period is over, suddenly you're bump into someone that you know, s/he is the one (again).

Personally I love the main actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt (love love him so much), he has this charisma thing with him so everytime I see his smile in the movie, I just melt away :p

But I love Zooey Dechanel too. She is super sweet, weird (in the movie),and so vintage! OMG, her outfits on that movie is so 80's but she fits it!

In the movie, Summer chose the other man to be married with, instead with Tom. When Tom asked why, Summer said that she finally knew about her husband what she never was sure about Tom. That leads me to a question, WHAT IS IT? What made you said that "you sure about your husband, but not with Tom"? Tom is sweet, he is kind, he is sweet and kind and everything!

So if Tom claimed that he already found the one on Summer, but Summer didn't felt the same way, meaning they're not the one for each other?

If it's a yes, then it's clear that someday soon we'll find the other right person, just like Tom found Autumn, right? :)

To Kill A Mockingbird (is a sin)

2010-08-20T13:15:00.000+07:00

This is my all time favorite novel created by Harper Lee, To Kill A Mocking Bird.

It is a pretty story told from innocence side of a six year kid, Scott Finch (it’s a girl btw). The story itself is about a lawyer, who happen to be Scott’s father Atticus, was appointed to defend a black man slave. The black man was accused of raping a you white women and then later was proved to be innocence.

This is a story about racial justice and how Harper Lee want to say through Atticus’ words on the book that even we’re black or even we are white, we are born to be equal. No one can treat the other person with different skin color badly. This story is also tells us about prejudice and love. That we are not suppose to accuse a person if there is no proof s/he did that.

I browsed about To Kill A Mocking Bird on wikipedia and found this truly meaning of the book title:

Songbirds and their associated symbolism appear throughout the novel. The family’s last name of Finch also shares Lee’s mother’s maiden name. The titular mockingbird is a key motif of this theme, which first appears when Atticus, having given his children air-rifles for Christmas, allows their Uncle Jack to teach them to shoot. Atticus warns them that, although they can “shoot all the bluejays they want”, they must remember that “it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird”. Confused, Scout approaches her neighbor Miss Maudie, who explains that mockingbirds never harm other living creatures. She points out that mockingbirds simply provide pleasure with their songs, saying, “They don’t do one thing but sing their hearts out for us.Writer Edwin Bruell summarized the symbolism when he wrote in 1964, “’To kill a mockingbird’ is to kill that which is innocent and harmless—like Tom Robinson (the black man).

I learnt a lot of moral stuffs from this book, especially about prejudice thing. I admit that sometimes I can grow a bad prejudice about someone in my head, and when I do that, I already making a bad accuse to that person. I feel guilty when I do that :(

But I try to not accuse someone in my mind. There’s gotta be a reason and there must be a story why s/he did that particular thing. For me, bad prejudice is the cruelest silent thing human being can do. It will lead to something more ugly.

Beside the moral story, what I like about To Kill A Mocking Bird is the quotes. What Jem, Scott, and Dill’s had in mind, how the do the conversation and spill out what they think, and especially, Atticus’ words. I like his character the most, and that’s because he is a wise and nice man. His words is really astounding in some way:

I think I’ll be a clown when I get grown,” said Dill. “Yes, sir, a clown…. There ain’t one thing in this world I can do about folks except laugh, so I’m gonna join the circus and laugh my head off.” “You got it backwards, Dill,” said Jem. “Clowns are sad, it’s folks that laugh at them.” “Well, I’m gonna be a new kind of clown. I’m gonna stand in the middle of the ring and laugh at the folks.” ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 22
The one place where a man ought to get a square deal is in a courtroom, be he any color of the rainbow, but people have a way of carrying their resentments right into a jury box. As you grow older, you’ll see white men cheat black men every day of your life, but let me tell you something and don’t you forget it - whenever a white man does that to a black man, no matter who he is, how rich he is, or how fine a family he comes from, that white man is trash. ~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 23, spoken by the character Atticus

And this the best part that always makes me smile, everytime I read it:

I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It’s when you know you’re licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do.
~Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chapter 11, spoken by the character Atticus

Film Marathon and Foodism

2010-08-19T14:34:00.001+07:00

I am going to have a long Lebaran holiday on Sept 8th - 13th. And since I don’t go anywhere this holiday season (and I kinda hate it) so I have to plan what am I going to do during the holiday. First thing in my mind is movie marathon. And the second thought is food hunting. So this is my overview plan for my holiday:

Movie marathon #1: Monk Season 5

I know this movie is an old tv series so it’s kinda hard to find the old seasons. I have to book to get it, but until today, i still can’t get the exact season I want. I pray so I can get it before the hols.

Movie Marathon #2: Sex and The City the movie

I didn’t watched the movie on its premiere because my boyfriend didn’t want to watch it, so I have to watch it alone..in dvd. All I want to see from that movie is the style, the fashion, the absolute high-end lifestyle.

Movie Marathon #3: Scrubs season 1 and 2

I bought the dvds months ago, but I’m a big fan of it. So I stop watch it, and buy another title. But since it’s a long holiday and I’ve got nothing much to do, so I guess it’s the best time to suck it up into your eyes and try to enjoy the movie.

Movie Marathon #4: Merlin

I am a huge fan of Historia Brittonum, I love King Arthur, Merlin, the knights of the round table, Queen Anne, and else. Usually, I really do not into magic thing. But this Magic Merlin really really caught my attention to watch the movie.

Movie Marathon Wish List: Chuck Season 4 and grey’s Anatomy season 7

I really wish the newest season of these two tv series will be coming out soon! AMEN!! :D

This is for the food:

Food Fiesta #1: Mie Ujung Pandang/ Makassar

Food Fiesta #2: Steak Hut (I am really really curious about its steak)

Food Fiesta #3: Taiwan’s Shihlin Street Snack

Food Fiesta #4: Golden Rama’s Dim Sum

Food Fiesta #5: Golden Jade

Food Fiesta #6: Hachi Hachi Bistro or Bentoya

Food Fiesta #7: Roti Canai + curry

Food Fiesta #8: Layar Seafood

Food Fiesta #9: Bubur Ayam Jakarta

I knooooow it’s a lot, but I list it as a backup in case they are close during the Lebaran holiday.

Only one wish dear God, please don’t make me gain weight pleaseee :D

High School Reunion

2010-08-18T14:14:00.002+07:00

Just had a great reunion with my 10th grade high school friends yesterday at Bon Ami Restaurant. To be honest, it always good to see your old pals, nothing can change the craziness, the silly things we did back then - things that only once we did it, in high school.

And look where we are right now. Standing in the middle of year 2010, almost 8 years since we were in high school. And look again where those 8 years brought us to. 8 years ago, I sat in that classroom wore those white and dark grey uniform, with my "culun" face. I remember I never passed physic, chemistry, and math. I did good on biology and history. I remember we were undisciplined, we escaped, and we were much unrespected the teachers.

But what I remember the most in the 10th grade is how we create a gank and we used the character names in Meteor Garden-a famous Taiwanese television show. We named it Bul-Bul Gank and it consisted 'Sanchai, 4 cowok jagoan dan 5 penghibur".

After the 10th grade, life brought us to our own path of life. After we were graduated, some of us left Indonesia for studied abroad and we didn't much chance to meet up and gather. So this kind of thing we did yesterday, is always a nice and worth thing to do.

Organize more than 5 people to meet up at some exact time and date and place is a hardcore.Everyone have their own agenda and it's kinda tiring sometimes to organize them. But like what I said, it's worthed. Even, we discovered one or two things we didn't noticed before! David brought his Macbook and showed us our pictures back in 10th grade. I was full ashamed with my own in those pictures, but hey..I guess that was one of many things that make me who I am right now, right?

Everyone evolves, and as much as I can see, me and them, we evolve better year by year.

8 years ago, I was just a "tawdry" teenage with those geeky face. And today, I become a person. I am proud of it :)

It is hard to convince a high-school student that s/he will encounter a lot of problems more difficult than those of algebra and geometry.
Edward W. Howe

Near Death Experience

2010-08-16T14:43:00.001+07:00

I just watched the re-run of Kick Andy Show on Metro TV,they discussed about near death experiences.They have 4 resource persons who had this kind of experience before.They shared good and inspiring stories but one story catch my attention is this first resource person. She is a middle age person and was dying until she was pronounced dead by the doctors.Then she said that once she felt like died,there was 2 angels pulled her spirit out from her body.She said she can see her own body while she was pulled out from it.Then the angel who she claimed to have the exact same face,asked her..who is your God?
She is an islam so she answered according to her religion.The angel asked her again,who's your father and mother?Then she answered again.
After that,she was seated by the angel and the right side of her there was a women.The women is like the personal guardian angel if I can say it in my own terms.
She's been shown a lot of things,a lot of people down there received horrible and eternal punishment because of their sins during their life in this world.

Well,I know the almost same story like this years ago from my pastor Philip Mantofa from Mawar Sharon Church.He was once experienced a trip to hell, he was shown the same horrible things like the women in kIck Andy Show.So I do believe that a place like that is exist!

At the end of the show,the host asked an expert and also a researcher about the near death experience,and he answered like this-more or less:
That after we come to a death experience,we're going to see our record of life.What we did during our lifetime,good and bad.What we did to other people-good and bad.How's our habit-good or bad.We're going to be judged of how we live this life.The expert said that everything we do and everything we say is recorded,and it will be played back in our judgement day.
He also said that if we do good things in life,we're going to experience a "nice and easy" death experience,and vice versa.

I do believe on those such things.I believe in karma.What we give is what you get in return.I have to appreciate the time I have to do a lot of good things for other people.
And I believe this is also true:

That sometimes God will visiting you in a unpredictable way :)

Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

Serendipity

2010-08-13T15:06:00.001+07:00

One of my friend once asked me, do you believe in coincidence? I said no, I think everything is well planned. i believe God is exist and He is the one who rules. Our life is not a coincidence, our life was designed from the time we were existed in our mother’s womb. Every obstacles I’ve been through, every problems I’ve been faced, every tears and laughters, it’s all designed to make us better somehow. if our life is consist of one coincidence to another coincidence, how great that coincidence must be!

But there is one kind of coincidence that I love, it is calledserendipity. I heard the word the first time from a movie played by Kate Beckingsale and John Cusack with the same word as the title. This movie has its own charm to me. It’s funny and super romantic. I love the film’s setting which in Rockefeller Center, NYC - my first priority place to go if I have any chance to go anywhere I like. But what I love the most from this film is how the universe conspired to meet two person from different continents in one significant place and make them feel something and then dare to chase something they believe. As you see, Jonathan dare to break up with his fiancée, Sara on the other side do the same thing. Sara fly back from London to New York to find her “one night romance”, and so do Jonathan. But it’s all about timing. They finally meet in Rockefeller Center, in the time they almost feel like giving up.

Well, I know some ppl think it’s cliche, but for me it’s the way the whole universe tells you that you’re meant to be together..at least at that very moment.

And here are my favorite lines from the movie:

Jonathan: So are you gonna meet your boyfriend now or what?

Sara: No, I think he’s out probably doing what you’re doing.

Jonathan: Getting a crush on somebody else’s girlfriend? No, I’m sorry, I just meant I had a really nice time. You know, maybe you should give me your phone number. Just in case.
Sara: In case of what?
Jonathan: In case of life. I just had a really great time and for all we know I wouldn’t be able to find you again.
Sara: Well, if we’re meant to meet again, we’ll meet again. it’s just not the right time now.
Jonathan: Maybe we’re supposed to meet on British time and we’re five hours too early.

Dean: Jonathan Trager, prominent television producer for ESPN, died last night from complications of losing his soul mate and his fiancee. He was 35 years old. Soft-spoken and obsessive, Trager never looked the part of a hopeless romantic. But, in the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche. This hidden quasi-Jungian persona surfaced during the Agatha Christie-like pursuit of his long reputed soul mate, a woman whom he only spent a few precious hours with. Sadly, the protracted search ended late Saturday night in complete and utter failure. Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous Trager secretly clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Uh-uh. But rather, its a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan. Asked about the loss of his dear friend, Dean Kansky, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author and executive editor of the New York Times, described Jonathan as a changed man in the last days of his life. “Things were clearer for him,” Kansky noted. Ultimately Jonathan concluded that if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call “fatum”, what we currently refer to as destiny.

Jonathan: Let’s go do something.
Sara: Alright, what d’ya wanna do?
Jonathan: I don’t care.
Sara: Alright, come on.

Jonathan: This is the ultimate blend to drink. Howd you find thisplace?

Sara: I first came in because of the name: Serendipity. Its one ofmy favorite words

Jonathan: It is? Why?

Sara: Its such a nice sounding word for what it means: a fortunateaccident.

And this is its soundtrack you must check out (especially the lyric):

When You Know - Shawn Colvin

I believe in destiny. It will lead us to meet the exact right person, in the right time, in the right place, in the right moment,….serendipity.

What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked out together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.

G-Day

2010-08-06T15:15:00.004+07:00

Happy Graduation for some of my friends who go to Petra Christian University! You guys must be feeling awesome today! Well enjoy! because real world is suck. hahaha

The last few days, I was preparing something for one of my friend who will be graduated tomorrow. The common gift to give for graduation is a flower bouquet. I received a beautiful flower bouquet for my grad myself. The first day, the flowers was still fresh and beautiful and smell good.the second day, the small part of the flowers was withered. And within a week, it was a dried flowers.

So I have an idea, how if I give this friend of mine something unsual. Something out of ordinary? I come up with an idea to give her a doll with a graduation hat (I don’t know what it’s called)! So I choose a doll (I choose a lion,please don’t ask me why because I don’t know T.T) and ask the store staff to customize the doll with a graduation hat and an artificial flower (to indicate that the lion is a female.hahahaha). I pick up the doll tonight. Hopefully it will be exactly like I imagine.
The next thing is the card. It will be an apologize card and a congratulations card. An apologize card because I can’t go to her graduation. I really want to go but I have this problem with transportation and stuffs. And like I said earlier about writing a greeting card, I customize it a little bit. And since I don’t know how to use a photoshop, and since this notebook doesn’t have a photoshop program, so I use Paint and Microsoft Office Picture Manager. And the template is from Canon Creative Park (thank God for this!).And this is my Graduation Card for her (please don’t laugh):

Not bad right?hahahaa…

Last but not least,

You have brains in you head. You have feet in yor shoes. You can steer yourself
in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
You’re a girl who’ll decide where to go. -Dr. Seuss

Happy Graduation Kosi, Eo, and others! Rock and Roll!

The Gift To Give

2010-08-05T16:22:00.004+07:00

One of my friend asked her followers, what’s the best gift that she possibly give for her parents on their 25th anniversary? I said to her, throw them a surprse party! Then she said, they will be in Korea or Japan on that spesific date. I replied, make a reservation in the best romantic restaurant, let they have a special moment - just the two of them. Then, you can give a tiny little suprise for them at the end. It could be a rose with a note on it :” Happy Anniversary dear mom and dad. We Love You. From your children.”

Sweet isn’t it?

For me, the best gift you can give to someone isn’t a thing. Well, a birthday gift is important. I love birthday gift. All I’m saying here is stuff is just stuff. Sometimes they useful, sometimes they just become a display. For example: On my 17th birthday, I received a giant bear doll from my friend. And guess where is it now? No offense, but it’s in my unused room where I usually put my unused stuffs. I received wallet from my boyfriend for my 23rd birthday. And I still use it until today (beside it was from my boyfriend, of course).

See? It’s either useful or just as a display. But if you create a moment (you rarely experience a great moment right?), you’ll remember it for the rest of your life. I’m not saying that giving a gift isn’t worthed. You still allowed to give someone a gift. You in order to give the gift, you need to create the moment first.

The next thing not less important is the card! What you write inside the card will determine your wishes, your hope, and the most important is how well you prepare the gift/moment/the card itself.

I less like if someone give me a birthday card and they only write ” Happy Birthday. Wish you all the best. From X”. Like you mass-write it to someone else’s card too. I really respect originality :)

Tips from me when you write a birthday card or anniversary card, or any kind of card: Fill it as what your heart telling you :)

The most wonderful of all things in life, I believe, is the discovery of another human being with whom one's relationship has a growing depth, beauty, and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing; it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of divine accident, and the most wonderful of all things in life - Sir Hugh Walpole

Urgently Needed:Holiday!

2010-08-04T21:02:00.000+07:00

I just realized that the last time I have a holiday is when I went to Bali years ago.And I really need one now!I mean I love this city,I love my job,I love my home,but I kinda need an escape time from my routine.People get bored and so do I.Imagine that you go to your office,you pass the same street everyday,you enter the same building everyday,you meet the same people everyday,you deal with everyday tasks and it all the same thing over and over again.
I don't say that I don't like it.I just need a refreshing moment,which I can rarely get.

My boss said to me and my other colleagues earlier that he's going to take us to singapore for holiday!there was two possible times,which is idul fitri holiday and christmas holiday.Idul Fitri holiday is near so it's kinda impossible.So it might be happened in christmas holiday *5 finger crossed*
So what am I suppose to do in idul fitri holiday?I really need to make a plan or two.

I still want to visit Bali and Jakarta.I have this plan to visit Jakarta in February 2011,hopefully everything is just going well *10 finger crossed include my feet!*
Anywhere will be good for me,at least I can go out from this town for a while.

Take mee pleaseee whoever you are,please take mee for a short holiday.. :(((((((
Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

Cash The Damn Cheque

2010-08-02T15:50:00.001+07:00

This morning, my bos told me to cash a check in the bank. I confidently brought the cheque and the cheque only. I never cashing a cheque before since the only way to get money is from ATM. So I went downstairs in Ground Level and entering the door. The security asked me "What can I do for you?". Instead of saying I want to go to the teller, I said "I want to cashing a cheque.", so he instantly know where he suppose to direct me to.

So I take the queque number and sit. Then my number was called. I, again, confidently give the cheque to the bank officer and said that I want to cash the cheque.
She asked me my ID card. I said I don't bring it down with me. She said to me while she returning my cheque back that I have to fill some blanks in the BACK side of the cheque. Wodehel, why I didn't see it at the first place??? The bank officer look very confused either. I bet she confuse because I am confuse. I can tell by her face.
So I took back the cheque,go to my office then come back down again with a copy of my ID.

I never cash a cheque before. This kind of thing is new to me (since the way I know to get cash is through ATM machine). And I feel like a little bit embarrassed when I was in the bank, because I don't know how to cash a cheque.

But hey, there is always the first time for everything. I bet the bank officer didn't know the fastest method how to counting a pile of money in the first place.
All I tell here is, if you don't know how to do something or you're in the lack of one particular information about something, DO NOT hesitate to ask and do.You ask once, but you're like a lightbulb for the rest of your life (except you have alzhemir or amnesia of course). You did something and it was wrong once. But you'll be riht forever.
Do not feel ashame if you do something wrong. People do it everytime.

So the next time I cashing a cheque, I am going to write the information and data needed, then come to the teller and never going to be wrong again :)

Unoo Stackooo Attackoooo!!

2010-08-01T01:21:00.000+07:00

Just had a great weekend with my best friends today!It was traffic all over the street in surabaya,we got stuck everywhere but it was quite fun :)We - me,nyek,lucy,fenny,dewi went to PTC to visit Kosi's maket at petra interior exhibition.But we were too hungry so decided to go eat and forget the maket and whatsoever.After PTC,we went to win's pancake at G walk (+ Reagan,he's kinda busy right now so seeing him at this unplanned timing like this is always worthed)).we played othello (dewi was the one who brought it upstair but she was the one who didn't played) and UNO stacko.I always love playing UNO stacko.It always fun,you can play it with a lot of ppl,no brain needed, just a tense that there might be a possibility that the stacks is going to fall in your turn.And that tense is fun :)

I'll post the picture of our crazy UNO later.I don't why but I can't post a photo through my tumblr for blackberry.

It was a fun night.I had fun.I had my old friends with me.I had my wonderful boyfriend with me (I wish you see the way he know how to play othello and UNO,you'll be amazed!).

I just wish Lydia is still in surabaya. I kinda miss that Sydney girl :)
Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

Salt vs Salt

2010-07-30T13:19:00.001+07:00

Just watched SALT the movie yesterday and I must say that Angeline Jolie is very much cool! She is sexy, very sexually appealling even when she had a gun in her hand. The storyline is good too, they successfully made me confused which side Evelyn Salt is on? First she is a CIA agent, then she turned out into a Russian spy (which is reminds me of Anna Chapman, the real-life Russian spy), then she killed the head of Russian Brainwasher and Terrorist Orkov or something, then sneaked out into White House Bunker for what? Save the world or kill the US President at the first place before she knew about the other traitor spy? Very much confusing, but not as confusing as Inception which btw is a very brilliant movie!

But it's still a goo movie to catch, only one curiousity here in my mind:

Why on earth they have to use the name Salt, instead of any other names in the world? I never have a thought that Salt could be a family name. If there is an Indonesian movie and they have a character named like Evelyn Salt, that become Evelyn Garam. Salt (like in salt and pepper) is garam in Indonesian. And the title of the movie would be GARAM. Scary.

8th monthlyversary

2010-07-26T11:59:00.000+07:00

It’s July 26th 2010 and today is my eight-monthlyversary for me and my boyfriend. So happy anniversary for us, I guess! :D

For me, personally, 8 months is just a short time. I mean if you still go on together with the same person, you’ll spend your LIFETIME with him/her! So 8 months is nothing. But this past 8 months is really really tought me to appreciate what I have. I’ve been through hurricanes in my love life, I loved someone but I never got happiness - something everyone deserves when they fall in love to each other. But then here come this man. I never knew where the love came from, but it happened! We are formerly best friends who used to hang out together but ended up with being a lover. It’s kinda weird at the beginning, you know, changing your setting from best friend to lover.

But from time to time, all I realize is this: that in a grown up relationship, you must found not only someone you really love, but also someone you comfort with, someone you really trust, and someone who can be you best friend and partner for a lifetime. I am lucky enough to found a man with those criterias :)

And this man of mine, he is not perfect. He sometimes can make mistakes, make me upset and else. But in the other side, I know he loves me in the way I never imagine. He knows my favorite foods, he knows my favorite snacks, he knows my favorite drinks, he knows every details about me! It really took me by surprise :)

When I am mad to him or sad or in a bad mood, he try to hug me. By the time he did it, I knew I couldn’t be mad at him anymore. When I am hopeless and I need someone I can count on and NO ONE is there for me, he is the one who show up and become my personal hero.
What I love the most from him is when he said to me that he loves me the way I am. So I don’t have to pretend to be somebody else. Well, I can’t pretend to be somebody else though - he already knew me for years as best friend!

I realize that love can change anytime, people do change everytime. But I do really wish that this particular love, this particular man I know may never be changed. I really wish he is going to grow up better in everything, but still I can recognize him as my best friend, my great boyfriend, someone I can count on and trust, and as someone I am sure I’m going to spend the rest of my life with :)

Listening

2010-04-30T14:45:00.003+07:00

Hola fellas, I'm back! I know it's been a long time, but time seem not enough here. I've been busy with my job and my side job.hahaha. Life's also been good to me, although know sometimes I'm feeling not grateful enough with what I have and what I got.

What am I suppose to say here? I usually come up with some topic in mind, but this time is blank.Oh there a topic just crossed my mind.

Few days ago, I realized something. As you know, I'm not a perfect person. I am not some kind of someone's favorite. But I try to be better. I know and I realize that in order to be mature and wise, we have to make few or maybe lots of mistake in our life then we realize that's wrong and we fix it. Or we can learn it from other people experiences. The point is we have to learn from mistakes. And one mistake people often do and one mistake people don't realize is they don't listen to each other.

For me, to have a good listening ability is great. Few people have that. By listening more and talk less, you'll learn a lot, you study a lot about the person, about life, and else. It will helps you wiser somehow.

And I want to have that ability. I want to listen more and talk less, because I want to learn more.

But please make a difference between listening and hearing. In hearing, you just hear the voice, but in listening, you pay attention to whom you listen to. And guess what, listening is a hard work.Yes, it will drain your energy, it will make you tred and boring. But hang in there, because if you do that, that'll train level of patient too.

All I say here is, few people are willing to listen. They like to talk rather than listen. But if the world want the same thing, it must be pretty noisy, huh? :)

Journey To The Past

2010-03-12T14:37:00.003+07:00

Have you ever haunt by your own past? Wherever you go, it follows you. You can't escape, you just can close your eyes and pretend you're not see it. But it there. It always there, in front your very eyes.

I try to forget it. And I thought I was. Until lately it bothers me again. I keep thinking why it has to be happened?Why You let it happened? You just can erase the feelings, and it didn't have to be happened and hurt both of us for the second time. But it happened. It hurt both of us, and left me with a big scar, something anybody can't heal. Even God. It only gets better, but not dissapear.

But once or twice these days, I've taken to the past for a while. It's still painful, and I know I don't want to go to that time anymore. But one thing I can't ignore, I still care about the subject related. I want him to have a great life, move along, and be happy. I do wish he has that, I do wish he know that I want that. In fact, I know something sweet between us that once or twice happened in our life can never be ours. I have to let go, I have to give up, because I have no choice.

I have to move on myself. I am now being with someone that cares a lot and I love him. He is my lover and also my best friend. I am thank-ing God for that. I just wish that this time, I have my luck to go onboard with him until forever. So I don't have to sink again, for the second time.

Letting go is really a hard work. But if you have no choice, well maybe you just have to pass it anyway. Eventhough it means that you have to get out from it, half alive.

Qs

2010-02-17T15:43:00.004+07:00

What do you want the most in life?

That's my ultimate question for me these days.

I've been thinking a lot about a lot of things. About my relationship, my future, and mostly about where do I go from here. I mean, if you still in school, you know exactly where do you go from there, to the university. A little bit wider, after go to the university-mostly you have three big choices: get married if you already found the right guy or go to get your master degree or get yourself a job.

Now this is something that bothering me a lot: if the choice number one is no longer my option since I haven't ready (or he hasn't ready yet), and I have no interest to get my master degree, then my last option will be get myself a job right?

I have a job. I have a great job here. I am thankful for that. While I'm working my great job, I am preparing a long term plan: get married with my future husband.

The questions are bubbling in the air now. Who's gonna be my husband, the one I stand beside in the aisle? Is my boyfriend, in this present, is the one? How do I know that he's the one?

How's your life after married? How long it take to get there? 3 years? five? ten, by any chance?

How's our life after married? Financially, mentally, physically? Can we get along with the entire big family from both side?

I still have a lot of questions which I can't describe it all here.

I am now in the position of not sure about everything in my life. With my relationship and my future.

I'm a person who have a wish to get married soon. In my own opinion, marriage is about love and about you ready or not. It means you are ready financially, you are ready mentally, you are ready to blend yourself with someone-you love. And it can not be measured by time. It only can be decided by how good your process, luck, and God's will. So I don't mind if I have to get married when I'm 26. It's not like the end of the world.

Too many questions to be asked in once right?But I think as we grow up, we think about the future a lot more. Life is no longer a playground, where we know that everything is still settle and safe. I am now in the real world. I am a grown up women. Have to be ready, have to take risks, have to face everything by myself.

Isn't it a hard work?

Happy 23, Me!

2010-02-10T15:04:00.012+07:00

Hello, it's good to be back again. It's been a long time since my last entry and I'm kinda miss to write here.

Life's been good to me these days. I have a great fantasic super (what else?) job, the kindest boss alive, friendly and crazy colleagues, great office, and else.

Last Monday was my 23rd birthday. I was very happy that day, because I've got an-almost-surprise from my colleagues, which, was way beyond my expectation. The surprise wasn't stop there. My two bestfriends came to my office and brought me this self-made cake:

Is it cute? :D

The last but not least, my boy gave me a wallet as a gift with funny wrapping. He glued the post it paper one-by-one until it wrap the wallet. He wrote his wish there. It's kinda cute. And funny. And silly. hahahahaharr

Well, what can I say? I'm not a huge fan of birthday. It's not that I'm not feeling grateful, it's just I don't want to be the central of attention. You know, if today is your birthday, everyone keep saying that "Happy Birthday yaaa" to me. I'm just not that person who enjoy attention.

So I keep thinking, what is wrong with me? Everyone loves birthday. Everyone enjoys birthday. And then I simplified the definition and meaning behind birthday:

Birthday for me is a special day to celebrate your birth day. And it going to be very much special if you are surrounded by the people you care and love and the people who loves you. I don't need the whole world to know it's my birthday. I just need the people I love.

Like I had two days ago. I had my best friends brought me a self-made birthday cake, they came to my office and that took me by surprise! I had my colleagues arranged a surprise for me, they gave me a little gift (a gift voucher, yay!), and I had my boy and also my best friend to be with for the rest of the night.

I'm officially 23 now. Nothing much different between before and after my birthday, but one thing I know should be different: is myself. I have to be more grateful and more thankful for what I have. My life isn't perfect. My family isn't perfect. My friends aren't perfect. But they are all I have. And I simply couldn't ask for more :)

Happy 23, me!

ps: you guys should watch 500 days of summer. It's a good movie, really.

That's two of my colleagues. love them!

A present from them! :D

That's my best friends!!! :D

Just In A Relationship

2009-11-28T17:13:00.003+07:00

Hola everyone! Today is a foggy day and it is a perfect weather to get lazy at home. Anyway, enough about the weather chit chatting, I have a news to break. I am finally in a relationship with someone after almost five years I guess, being alone. And it's not easy to adapt to something that you rarely do or you did it a quite looong time ago. But unexpectingly, that thing happened two last night. he is one of my best-best friend and I've been closed to him for years as a friend. But maybe the timing was right or maybe the feeling was right, I don't know. All I know is we get close very easy, we knew each other for a very long time, and circumstances was right, and that led us to where we are right now.

For all this time, I always believe that God has a beautiful plan for me and my life. I always believe that whatever happened and whatever not allow to be happened in my life is in His hand. I always believe that He is the total control of this universe. And so I believe that the reason why He allowed me to be alone for almost five years is that He want me to see and learn from another person surround me, about how complicated human being are when they relate with another human being, how selfish they are, and how one human being fake themself to another human being just to show how good human being they are.

It's funny sometimes when I come up with this kind of reason...you know.."blaming" God for my aloneliness. But I always bring my feelings and desire of something I want to my prayers. He is the only one I'm not lying about my feelings to. And He really do answers my prayers, even if the answer is the answer I never expected.But really, no matter how hard I tried to have a

relationship with someone I like, I always successfully failed to have one.

So funny how this time, when I brought my feelings to my prayers, and I asked Him to open the way if He also want me to be with him, He really did it. Everyone look happy for us, and the most important is I already learnt a lot about how a relationship suppose to be -- give them wings to fly. It means that you have to let your couple being themself in front of you, not faking or being someone else they don't.

I believe this too: that at the end - at the very very end, it is very important and relieving if you know that someone you are with, is the one who can hold your hands and stay beside you no matter what happen, and they still love you for who you are, even if your world is crashing down.

All I'm saying is you better not in hurry to find someone. It is much more better for you to live alone, than you spend your time with a guy or a girl who doesn't fit you or you're in pain when you're wth them. It is good if you already found someone great and you get married ASAP. Then you're the lucky one. But for me, it's better if I wait a little longer to find someone I really fit with, then build my life together with him. The point is I don't want to regret anything in the future.

I remember one sentence my friend once told me. If you want to know your "jodoh" or whatsoever, find someone who can balance you out. Or in Indonesian you can say it: mengimbangi. And I think that's true. Not everyone can balance us out. So if you feel like you already found that person, what else do you looking for?

A Long and Winding Road To Start My First Job

2009-10-26T13:11:00.005+07:00

Next week from now, is going to be one of my biggest day on earth. And that's because I am going to start my first day at work as a secretary for director in this one financial advisor company. I got this job a loonggg time ago (well, not that long. I got this job since early August), and even before my graduation day! And the funny and silly part is I haven't work yet until this very moment. That's because, according to my future boss, the new office at Graha Bukopin isn't ready yet. So I have to wait for almost two months now. But the problem that's killing me the most is I can't stand boringness. I can't stand doing nothing all day! I feel boring, I feel useless, I can't sleep at nights!!! (the I can't sleep at night part is because if I do almost nothing at mid day, I almost can't sleep at night) In order to avoid that "insomnia", I have to think and do all the possible activities, which are watch DVD series until midnight, browsing the internet searching for anything to fill my head (and I turn out learning about stock market, interest rate, inflation, and other economic stuffs. How cool is that huh? ;P), hang out somewhere with my friends, cleaning up my room and the entire house, re=order my stuffs. I do this back and forth. Geez.

Surprisingly, the browsing and learning part is my favorite activity beside watching DVDs. I love to read because it can give you more knowledge no matter how small or useless the information is. If you read something new, you know something new and that's good. It will enlarge your knowledge so you do not just freeze out if one time people surround talk about some complicated subject. So I push myself not only read the fictions, but also the heavy one like the economic subject or else. I pick the easy-to= understand website like howstuffworks.com to help me. Well, if you didn't took the major, it doesn't mean you can't learn about it from the non-academic way rite?

Anyway this next Monday is my first day at work and i hope I can get along with the job, the boss, the partners, and the work environment. So far the boss is great and nice, the partners mostly are my high school friends and one of them is one of my best friend, the office is new, the office location is in the downtown, and the salary is more than great. For me this is one in a lifetime opportunity to have a job with a lot of advantages like this. It sure will enlarge my knowledge especially in financial subject and of course will enlarge my networks. I'm so excited!!!

Wish me luck everyone, I hope everything is going to be more than just fine :D :D

My Car Is A Supermassive Black Hole

2009-10-02T19:47:00.006+07:00

I wonder.....WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY CAR?????Why I always lose something when the thing is in my car???????? aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh >,<

I don't know what is wrong with my car, but really, I think that there is something wrong with it. It is like my car has a black hole or something which can make a stuff of mine.....disappear!

It start to happened months ago, when I borrowed a novel book from my University's library. I can not wait to read it because it's a book of my one favorite writer, Meg Cabot. I put it in the left seat next to me. Then I had to pick up one of my friend, so I put my stuffs AND the book into the back seat. I just throw it away to the back seat with the thought that it still gonna be somewhere in the car anyway. BUT!!! after I got home, I look up for that book...and voila! it's gone. IT'S GOOONNEEE....!!!OMG. My friend, apparently, also open the back door and put his stuff too. So I predict my novel was fell off from my car...by accident.

I had to pay for Rp. 60.000 in return, because if not, I can not be graduated. Of course I chose to be graduated and I paid those stupid 60.000. What a waste --!

Now the second black hole incident happened just now. Tonight. I rent two movies I love to see (because Matthew Rhys plays the movies) and as usual, I put it in the left seat. Then I had to pick up my mom. As usual, I put off all my stuffs to the back seat. As usual, I throw it all without any notice that my DVDs can be very slipped. I thought I throw away the DVDs with the other of my stuffs. But AS USUAL......I lose it again. And this time, I predict, my DVDs was slipped somewhere in the outer corner of my left seat without me notice it, and I didn't threw it away with the other of my stuffs, and when my mother opened that stupid door, that stupid DVDs just fell off from the car.

I don't even know what to say. It's way to impossible for me. --!

I have this plan to go home and then watch my Matthew Rhys in this two movies with this warm heart, but now it's all gone. My Matthew Rhys is gooooneeee T,T

For the completion of my stupidipity, I don't even know how to connect the email account my boss gave me into Microsoft Outlook Express. I don't know what to fill in the email server internet connection wizard or what the hell. My life is pathetic...at least for tonight.

But really, I am curious, is it possible to a car to be a black hole?*wandering*

For those who doesn't know who the hell is Matthew Rhys, here it is:

He is cute, isn't he? He is also smart and damn funny. I love smart kind of funny guy ;)

By Bye Past. I Am Sure I Don't Want To See You Again Forever!!!

2009-09-27T22:10:00.006+07:00

Dear Lord,

First of all, thank you for making me realize that for allllll this time, I've been so stupid and blind. Second of all, thanks to you for opening my eyes so I am no longer blind. And stupid.

_______________________________________________________

The first time I fell in love with this guy, I really gave my best to him. It means my heart, my love, my trust, my everything, until I realize that I have nothing left in me. For me he was everything and I loved him that much. I loved him just the way he is. Until I broke up with him years ago, somehow I still believe that the condition and the situation was something that is wrong, not us. And even this last week, I still believe that it was not us to be blamed.

But then I realize, that the situation blaming activity is just another cover for my heart, for my thought, so it won't hurt too much. The fact is, the us factor is something that is wrong.

I believe that there is no coincidence in this life. God has special purposes for every problem we are facing right now. And He obviously has a point for me. The pain and sorrow that I faced months ago is a sign. I feel like God is slapping my face, tell me to wake up for my own imagination and fake hope and stupidipity. So this is the reality and facts that God told me (by "slapping" my thought), whether I like it or not, I have to admit it's true:

No matter how hard I try to have faith in him, he never fight enough for me.

For all this time, I've been throwed so many good men who loved me, just for him. or at least in my mind I still hope that someday me and him will get back again so I close my eyes from good men around me. This is a part when I supposely say, I am damn stupid. Geez

He is not that good, he is not that nice, he is not that worth it.

Soooo thank you, for slapping me right in the spot God, it really awaken me. Now I am super ready to let go everything. No longer have that special feeling I was once confessed to him, no longer have special memories with him in my head, no longer have him in my life.

I wish someday he will read this entry, because I really love to tell him in person but I am too not in the mood to do that. I wish that in the time he read this, he will understand that I mean every word I said and I don't want him in my life again - forever. But I still wish him a good life and good lovelife. I hope he can find another love that actually work better than with me and I hope he can fight if he find the right love of his life.

Let me have my life, which in fact, will be happier without him. I thank him though for changing me into a better person inside and out, through the pain that he made me to have. Really, I learn a lot. But I hurt a lot too. Well, I guess there is always a price tag in every good stuff huh?

So goodbye you, please...please...do not come and mess up with my life again. :))))))))

God Changes You

2009-09-13T19:49:00.003+07:00

One thing I adore from western people is how they solve their problems, by talking over it. They talk about the problem, what each other think, they speak their mind out loud. Well at least that’s what I see in Brothers and Sisters tv series. That is why I love that film. It gives me a blast in my head how by talking, expressing what you think, what you feel, and what you want is really the best way to solve the relationship problem. No offense, but most Indonesian people never used to democratically do something like that. They keep their feeling or thought hidden, hoping that the other party will be able to read it somehow. For heaven sake, they are not God.

I used to do that in the past until I realize that I become childish and selfish. So I start to be open with other people, let them know what I am thinking or feeling, or talk over what I want. But the most important thing is I just want to learn to be honest with myself. I learn that there is no reason to hide what you really feel inside. If you feel disappointed, you tell them you disappointed. If you love someone very much, you tell them the truth. Of course there are risks along with that kind of open confession. But we only grow but taking risks. And the most difficult risk of all is to be honest with ourselves and to others. I won’t regret anything. I won’t be a person who has a lot of things to say in mind, but can’t say even one single word. I won’t be a person who has a lot of things to say in mind but can’t say even one single word and one day s/he is ready to say something, s/he realize that everything is way too late. For me, it will be what hurt the most.

I once spoke about what I feel and what I have in mind to this long-story-someone. I tell him that he is the only person (at this planet earth. hahaha. no I’m kidding) that I loved just the way he is and for all this time, he is still irreplaceable in my heart. I confessed to him what I truly feel inside, because first he deserve to know. And second, I just learn to be honest with myself. I don’t regret a thing today, because that’s the truth. And even the end was horrible, at least I know that I already gave my heart a chance to speak out.

And yet he is still irreplaceable in my heart, and maybe until forever. It is like there is a hole in my heart along with I’m losing everything with him. There are too much pain and too much drama in this little story of mine so I won’t dare to go back to that time again. So even there is still a hole in my heart which is empty and sometimes make me hurt, but I rather keep on walking with what left on me, to the future. I am going to leave the past behind me, bury them deep down, and never dare to open it again. Like I said, it’s too much drama and tears.

I take a few steps back from him, hiding from everything related to him, just to make a room for me. I realize then that first, I really need to make peace with myself. I have to cure myself first before I face others. And it is hard for me because it is like stuck in between. If I have to give myself some time to recover with the way I think will help, so it’s also means that I am losing a best friend. He is my best friend which I found to be the most comfortable friend to talk to, to share something to. So yes, it’s a difficult time for me and a difficult choice to make. But I have to choose, because I believe this is what the best.

I just hope I am right.

Among all the things that happened between me and him, I realize one significant thing. That God changed me the most in the time I got stuck with him. The problem is a lot, and it is cause so much pain and tears for me. But God turned me better into someone I hardly recognize before. He want to me to learn something or many things from this pain and suffering. And now I’m become stronger, and I am become way too much better in everything.

But above all, I believe that there is a God who absolutely has a greatest power. He is the one who decides what’s happen and what’s not happen. I also learn that if God doesn’t allow something to be happened with His own best reason, it won’t happen! Even if you crying out loud ask for it. This kind of thought helps me to surrender t Him easily. This kind of thought helps me to, slowly but sure, heal myself.

So I believe that the complicated problem I had with him is allowed to shape my heart, so into His likeness I grow. And sure I will grow beautifully :)

I fell down but I get up again. I feel down for the second time, but I am still be able to get up again.

There I said it honestly again. :)))

The Pursuit of Happyness

2009-08-26T22:50:00.002+07:00

“I want to be happy. Not just to be happy, I want to feel the happiness inside and out of me. I want to smile a lot, I want to jingle in all my way. I want to feel it start from inside of my heart and I want it to affect all of me…..”

There were times in my life when I felt that life is suck, life is full of disappointment, and life isn’t that beautiful like people keep saying all the time. And at some point, I realize that the world is forever complicated. So it’s me who needs to be simplified. If the world is disappointing, so then it’s me who has to be not-disappointing for others. If life isn’t that beautiful, then it’s me who has to make it beautiful in my own way.

So start with this thought, that I have to make myself happy first. How to make myself happy? is being thankful for whatever we receive and what God already gave us. I can grumble about my imperfect family, my imperfect friends I have, and imperfect me. Or I can be thankful for my imperfect but forever supporting family, my imperfect friends but always-be-there-for-you that I have, and imperfect me but forever thankful for everything. And I choose to be thankful, for this life belongs to someone bigger than any human being and He has control over everything in this and my life. He knows what the best is.

If I have a problem or tons of it, I will try to make it simpler as I can be. I learn a lot from my past experience (which is painful and hurt) that if you put overload thoughts in your head, that might explode your head and you end up with killing yourself slowly. So now I try to make it as simple as I can. Not make a deal become a big deal, not generating a single clue into something and make it a prejudice.

If someone tell something that might hurt you, be deaf.

If someone tell you something that might hurt you and you still can not be deaf, mute

If someone do something you don’t want to see, be blind

If someone do something that might hurt your feeling, be cold

If someone treat you as you don’t expect, be stupid

And you know what, sometimes it’s good to pretending to be deaf, pretending to mute, pretending to be blind, pretending to be stupid. Sometimes you just need to stop listening, stop talking, stop feeling, stop thinking too much and enjoying this life with your own way. Sometimes it’s good to not care about what other people say about you or what you should do. Sometimes you just need to go and do it in your own way.

I will put my iPod in my ears, sing along with the songs, and move my body and dance along. I will let myself free, hoping that in the time she come back – she will find herself become new and better ~~~

You can pursuit your own happiness. Surprisingly, you are the one who can create them into your own life :)))

So this is true: “the past hurt you, but it will make you stronger even more”. It’s just they, who create those sentence, forget to mention that that past will still haunt you down as a payback.

We-Just-Do-Not-Fit-Anymore?

2009-07-23T20:44:00.000+07:00

Have you ever heard some people tell you the reason why they broke up is because they do not fit with each other. Or in Indonesian, some people translate it into “tidak cocok lagi”. I wonder, what if, in the first place a couple is really really fall in love with each other so everything looks perfect and match with each other too. They have the spark, the have the “click” feeling, they complete each other. But then they get married. As we all know, marriage isn’t that easy and cheerful as the wedding party. Marriage is a hard work (I’m not married yet, but at least I know slightly from this Fireproof film). There will be a lot of misunderstanding, there will be a lot of new adaptation with the habits, there will be a lot of expect more give less things along the way.
If you already married, and then you finally realize that there’s one or maybe two things you can not accept anymore from your couple, are you going to say that we don’t fit anymore and then get a divorce paper or something? Or will you rather continue the marriage life, your whole life, accepting those do-not-fit-anymore things?

So the question is, is the term “tidak cocok lagi” means you fit with each other at the first place but after that you realize that you do’t fit anymore? The next big question is, are you already try with the whole you which means that you try to change everything necessary to fit each other again? Or are you just see the fact that you don’t fit anymore then leave it?
So the next bigger question would be, what if you found out the do-not-fit-anymore things AFTER the marriage? Will you easily say that I don’t fit anymore and then you get divorce?
I learn a lot of things about marriage life from Fireproof film. I learn that people are change over time. So it will take a lifetime learning to learn someone, especially the one we committed to live with. You are not allowed to give up to learn them and it takes the whole you to do that. You give more and expect less, you change yourself more and still expect less, you try more and expect less.

Like in my religion, in your marriage you have to reflect the love that Jesus has for you. He gave everything and even his life to show how much He loves us. He never asked for something in return.
That’s what you do, when you really love someone. You give love that proven by doing everything you can and expect nothing in return.

Could it be work too on a relationship?

Passion

2009-06-28T13:07:00.007+07:00

Greetings everyone!!! It’s been months since I opened this blog and it feel sooo nice to come back after a long break. I’ve been busy working on my final paper these months and it felt like hell. The seventh level of hell. But that was the yesterday and yesterday is just the past. I finally pass the final examination, I finally finish revising that final paper, and I think it is the time for me to throw away those books, handouts, copy papers, and all final paper-related. I’m sure I don’t want to see them for a quite long time. Freedom is finally mine!!! yay!! :D
So let me say goodbye to these photos, the ones I’ve taken in the middle of my “hell” time:

Lemme introduce you to Mr. Yudha,

the one who already helped me and my friends to do the statistic.

Muchas Gracias!

Just like I said before, sure there is happiness and proud and maybe also relieve in the time we wear our graduation gown. But that left us with one big question ahead us, where do we go from here. Where do I go from here? At first, it really drives me crazy, knowing that I don’t exactly know where to go and what to do next. Well, there is a “safe” road, you apply to some random jobs, you accepted, you do an office job as your own daily routine. But I realize that’s not what I really want. I want something more, something bigger, and something more free than just sitting behind the desk and do some repeat tasks everyday. And I know, in order to have that something more, first I have to have a dream, a vision, a mission – something I want to accomplish, something to reach. In conclusion, I have to have a purpose. Sadly, at first..I have none of them.
But days ago changed my life today. And I believe if I take that seriously, it will do change my whole entire life. It just crossed my mind that easy, gave me inspirations, gave me vision, mission, and the most importantly, gave me the answer of my “where do I go from here” question. I have a purpose now, and that is the one who going to drives my life. I know I will face a lot of things in front of me, mostly it is not easy. But I will keep fighting, I will dare to my dreams, and nothing or no one can stand in my way, except of course God in heaven above. hahahahaha.
I feel and I found my passion inside of me. Well, I guess that’s the most important thing in life: to have passion and reach your dreams and be completely happy. :D

Happy Sunday all!! I hope you do live your everyday life like if it’s your last days on earth. Make the best of your life!! Just forget your past, don’t feel attach to it, and moving on. I will quote Nickelback’s If Today Was Your Last Day lyric, I really do hope you inspired by it, just like me :)

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the prize is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you'll never live it twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin' stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your side

Yes dear, because you can't rewind a moment in this life :)

The Alchemist

2009-04-22T19:05:00.002+07:00

Weeks ago, when I was at Gunung Agung Bookstore Galaxy Mall, I saw a book that catch my attention. Well, the title of the book caught my attention. It is Like the Flowing River by Paulo Coelho. And since it’s an english edition, then the book must be out of the rational price. So I turned to search Paulo Coelho’s other books and I found this book. The Alchemist. I don’t know what exactly the alchemist is, but the translation in the book says that the alchemist is “ahli kimia”. But after I read until the end of the book, I still don’t know what is the relation.

The Alchemist is a story about a kid name Santiago and he is from Spain. He had this one exact dream twice, told him to go to the pyramid in Egypt to find his treasure. In the middle of his journey to find the treasure, he met the alchemist. And the alchemist and also the people he meet during his journey taught him a lot of things he need, to help him find the treasure. Even I don’t completely understand about the whole story (There are some words I never heard before like “Jiwa Buana”? I mean, what is it???), there are great quotations along with the story. And I’m going to quote it for you (Oh, and since I am not a great translator, I’m going to quote it just the way it is.hehe):

“Bila seseorang bertemu dengan orang yang sama setiap hari, seperti yang terjadi padanya di seminari, mereka berubah menjadi bagian dari kehidupan orang tadi. Kemudian mereka ingin oran itu berubah. Jika seseorang tidak seperti yang dikehendaki, yang lainnya marah. Setiap orang rupa-rupanya punya ide yang jelas tentang bagaimana orang lain seharusnya menjalani hidup mereka, tapi tak satu pun mengenai kehidupannya sendiri.”

“Peramal itu adalah ahli membaca ranting; dia melemparkan ranting-ranting ke tanah, dan menafsirnya berdasar cara jatuhnya. “Aku ini hidup dari meramal masa depan orang,” katanya. “ Aku tahu ilmu ranting, dan aku tahu bagaimana menggunakannya untuk menembus tempat dimana semua sudah tertulis. Di sana, aku dapat membaca masa lalu, mengungkap apa yang telah dilupakan, dan memahami pertanda-pertanda yang ada disini saat ini. Ketika orang-orang meminta nasihatku, aku bukannya membaca masa depan; aku menebak masa depan. Masa depan itu milik Tuhan, dan hanya Dia yang dapat mengungkapkannya, dalam kondisi yang luar biasa. Bagaimana caraku menebak masa depan? Berdasarkan pertanda-pertanda masa kini, Rahasiannya terletak di masa kini, Kalau kamu memperhatikan masa kini, kamu dapat memperbaikinya. Dan bila kamu memperbaiki masa kini, apa yang akan datang kemudian juga akan menjadi lebih baik. Lupakanlah amsa depan, dan jalanilah setiap hari menururt ajaran, percayalah bahwa Tuhan mencintai hamba-hambaNya. Tiap-tiap hari, pada dirinya, membawakan suatu keabadian.” ”

“Benda-benda apa ini?” tanya warga suku itu,
“Itu Batu Filsuf dan Obat Hidup. Itu adalah Karya Agung para alkemis. Siapa saja yang menelan obat itu tak akan pernah sakit lagi, dan sepotng pecahan dari batu itu bias mengubah segala macam logam menjadi emas.”
Orang-orang Arab itu menertawai dia, dan sang alkemis pun ikut tertawa. Mereka menganggap jawaban itu lucu.
“Apa engkau sudah gila? Buat apa berbuat begitu?” tanya si bocah pada sang alkemis
“Untuk menunjukkan padamu satu pelajaran sederhana dalam hidup,” jawab sang alkemis. “ Bila kau memiliki harta yang sangat bernilai di dalam dirimu, dan mencoba untuk memberitahu orang lain tentang hal itu, jarang ada yang percaya.”

And this is the best part; this is not a quotation, it is the prolog:
Alkemis itu mengambil buku yang dibawa seseorang dalam karavan. Membukabuka halamannya, dia menemukan sebuah kisah tentang Narcissus.
Alkemis itu sudah tahu legenda Narcissus, seorang muda yang setiap hari berlutu di dekat sebuha dananu untuk mengagumi keindahannya sendiri. Ia begitu terpesona oleh dirinya hingg, suatu pagi, ia jatuh ke dalam danau itu dan tenggelam. Di titik tempat jatuhnya itu, tumbuh sekuntum bunga yang dinamakan Narcissus.
Tapi bukan dengan itu pengarang mengakhiri ceritanya.
Dia menyatakan bahwa ketika Narcissus mati, dewi-dewi hutan muncul dan mendapati danau tadi, yang semula berupa air segar telah berubah menjadi danau air mata yang asin.
“Mengapa engkau menangis?” tanya dewi-dewi itu,.
“Aku menangisi Narcissus,” jawab danau.
“Oh, tak heranlah jika kau menangisi Narcissus,” kata mereka, “sebab walalu kami selalu mencari dia di hutan, hanya kau saja yang dapat mengagumi keindahannya dar dekat.”
“Tapi…indahkah Narcissus?” tanya danau.
“Siapa yang lebih mengetahuinya dari engkau?” dewi-dewi bertanya heran. “ Didekatmulah ia tiap hari berlutut mengagumi dirinya!:
Danau terdiam beberapa saat. Akhirnya ia berkata:
“Aku menangisi Narcissus, tapi tak pernah kuperhatikan bahwa Narcissus itu indah. Aku menangis karena, setiap ia berlutut di dekat tepianku, aku bias melihat, di kedalaman matanya, pantulan keindahanku sendiri.”
“Kisah yang sungguh memikat,” piker sang alkemis.

Become a Christian

2009-04-10T16:03:00.002+07:00

Everybody knows that this life is an upside down process. Sometimes we are at above, but at some other times we are at the very below. And I think that is the nature of life. Or to be exact, that is life. C’est la vie. When the life is changing over time, I am changing over time too. And of course, I hope I change to be someone better, time to time. But at this very moment, I just realize one thing about one thing that actually-for all these times- shaping me. Without trying to be a fanatic and a bible talker, the thing that actually changes me is the bible and how I build my relationship with God.

I just realize and I admit that in 22 years of my life, I become a “good person” only in the time I build an intimate relationship with God. It means that I read the bible everyday like it is my daily bread, communicate with Him through prayers, and the important thing: do what He says through His bible. And usually when I do that, I am shaped into someone I never knew before. It is like the new me was born. It influence how I act, how I say, how I think, and the most important part is it do influence my attitude toward something. It helps me to accept the things I can not change and encourage me to do something I never thought I can do.

In the time I stay close to my Lord, the river of life is really flowing on me.

In the other hand, I realize that I become someone “bad” in the time I keep a distance with Him. Many reasons make me distracted, make my relationship with God is my last priority. And usually, I become a stubborn person, and I hold on to something too tight which make myself suffer and feel in pain. I can’t let go my past, I can’t let go all the things I know I can’t have, I can’t accept facts I fear I can’t accept.

It feels like I am alone in my own battle of life

I can pronounce myself to be a Christian.
But it won’t give any differences or any meaning if I don’t relate to Him who becomes the essence of the Christianity itself.

Happy Easter everyone of you who celebrate!!! May God be with you always. :)

In The Mood

2009-03-30T16:54:00.001+07:00

Long time no open this blog, and I am kind of miss this little space of mine, where I usually put my thoughts and use it as a trash can or something. Hahaha. I’ve been busy, some people didn’t believe I’ve been busy because usually, I am not busy at all. Hauhauhuahauhaah. But this last week was a busy week for me. I spent everyday did something to another thing, go home late at night, wake up on the next day with another activity to do. I had to meet my lecture (die skripsi die!!), submitted revision, had meeting with reunion crew, attended a friend’s party, anddd of course watched movies which by the way, Dragon Ball The Movie or whatsoever the exact title is – is suck. Suck, suck, and suck. It is absolutely perfectly suck.

I also spent two days from my last week for photography hunting. This is a whole new experience for me and I am kind of loving it. The best part of this photography hunting was the place I and my friends spotted, Kenjeran Beach. I have to wake up 3 o’clock in the subuh and it was still dark outside. I never did something crazy like wake up 3 o’clock just to see the sunrise so I asked myself once, what exactly am I doing here and now? Hahahaha.
But it is worth though. The sun is beautiful, the scenery is over-expectation, and my friends captured that all perfectly. Or at least I can say, molto perfecto. Too perfect. And once again, nothing or no one can compare the creation of God.

My photo hunting experiences with my new friends also lead me to another thought. That all this time, I rarely spent my time with friends outside my friends, maybe I was too scared to jump out the safe-zone circle. But that time, it did change my mind. That I can be somewhere with new friends, make that new friends my friends, and I don’t have to feel scare at all. They fun, they nice, they funny, and they are great people with great talent of photography. And surprisingly, I love spend some time with them (David, if you read this, feel free to smile and feel happy. hyahahahahahha).

Anyway, April is coming soon and it is the time I have to finish my research paper or usually and sadly we call it skripsi. I supposedly feel panic now because the deadline is in front of my very face, but strange --- I don’t feel anything. And that's because I am still in the photography hunting mood.

Chiavanesca

2009-03-04T12:34:00.007+07:00

Greetings,

I would like to introduce my new blog Chiavanesca (kia-va-nes-ka) at http://www.chiavanesca.blogspot.com/

Chiavanesca is a name of an Italian wine called Nebbiolo and locally in Valtellina, Italy they call it Chiavanesca. I heard the word Chiavanesca for the first time was from Dirty Sexy Money TV Series where Tripp Darling sends Nick to the summer place in Italy to meet a spy detective. To meet this detective, Tripp told Nick to order the Chiavanesca, slightly chilled.
Then, I suddenly love the word and the way I say it.

I choose this word Chiavanesca for one another reason. Just as the characteristics of the wine, life -for me- is a complex process which everyone of us have to live in everyday. But the more we walk in this life, the more we will get mature by learn through it. And just like the art of wining, so do the art of living: even after a lifetime of learning, there are still thousands of new things to know.At least we know that there is always something new to enjoy.

This is the place where I am going to put my slightly thoughts that cross up my mind wherever or whenever I am. Maybe the thoughts I might have when I was in the kitchen, my bedroom, car, or even just staring at something. You never know!

Well, I guess I just need to share something for someone. hehehehe. Or maybe anyone!!

XOXO

Where Do We Go From Here?

2009-03-01T13:01:00.005+07:00

Saturday, February 28th, 2009

Fenny and Reagan were graduated. The big day was came, a lot of happiness and congratulations all over the space. Some of them are proud, some of them are feeling glad and some of them choose to celebrate it with flowers even ballons.
Years we spent in university ends here, no more study, no more tests, no more assignments, no more pain in the ass. But it left one significanly important question in our life: where do we go from here?
The more we live, the more we have to choose and the more choices it will be. And after we are out from university, the door to the future is widely-widely open.
Which one do you choose? Where do we go from here?

X.O.X.O

A Night of Reunion

2009-02-22T11:14:00.005+07:00

left-right: edo, fenny, dewi, susan, david, yuliana, ailen, novi, reagan

Friday, February 20, 2009..

It is always good to see friends you haven't see for so long. There is so much laughter, jokes, warmth, and happiness. Things that we had in high school will never be erased. It will alwyas be there everytime we're together, ready to be told, ready to be laughed, ready to be memorized one more time. I had a good time with them, so no other same things can compare.

Because no matter what happen, friends will always be friends....till the end.

x.o.x.o

Rolex vs Casio

2009-01-25T15:03:00.004+07:00

Good sunday everyone!!! This is me again, blogging after a while.

My weekend yesterday consist of two parts. First part, I spent my weekend with Lili, Eunike, and her fiance (yes fiance) at PTC. The second part is, I spent my "after-weekend" at Sutos with Lili, her brother, and her entire cousins related family. To be honest, this last weekend is become my 'off-limit weekend'. I spent my time at PTC until 10 and after that I joined the family until 01.30. In the morning. Yeah.. that's really-really my off limit weekend. :D

For me, there is a difference between when you spend your time hangin' out with your friends and when you spend your time with an older person or people. With friends, most of the time you will have fun and companion. But on the other side - with older people, you are more will get some advice and experiences about life or about the problems we have in life. Like I got yesterday, I spent my day with Eunike and her fiance. As a man above my age, Eunike's fiance draw me a picture about the way most of men think. Well, as you know that man and women are the opposite of each other and sometimes we get stuck in it. They gave me a lot of suggestions, stories, and support and I really appreciate that.

At Sutos, once again I spent my time with some older people. Lili's counsins are married and they told me a looott of things about everything, but especially about a relationship between a man and a women. I conclude most of them here:

In the time you have a relationship with a guy, you have to make sure that you are happy. If you already crying out loud because of him or for him, you better leave him behind. "Pacaran" is the time when you are loved and wanted by him not the opposite.
The maximum age for a women to get married is 28. More than that is a red sign warning. But the perfect number is 24.
If a guy leave you without some assurance, you better ask him straight the face. If he still don't give you a certainty, you better leave him - right away.
There are differences between when you still in relationship and when you already married. The example they gave me is this: if you fall because of something, maybe your boyfriend will say "be careful dear". But if you already married and you still fall anyway, maybe he will say "watch your eyes!!". hahahaha. So yea, lucky you, if you're not experience that.
The last thing is probably the best encouragement suggestion: sebelum janur kuning melengkung, berarti masih ada kesempatan. hahahahaha..:D

After all, I've got this beautiful quote from the book Eunike bought yesterday, more or less has a meaning like this:

What you willing to let go will decide what God can give you in return

Apa yang bersedia kamu lepaskan akan menentukan apa yang Tuhan akan berikan kepadamu

The book said that the good is the enemy of the better. The better is the enemy of the best. So if you hold on to what you have right now even if you know it's not suit you, it mean that you are blocking God's way to give you the better, or even the best one.

Like one of my friend said, if you can have a Rolex quality to be in your partner for life, why you have to satisfy with Casio? :)

Guilty

2009-01-15T13:39:00.009+07:00

I feel guilty. I feel sorry. I feel terrible for everything about this one problem. I have this "good friend" and we met at the hospital when I was working on my internship. I have a good impression on him, he is a very patient man and from some observations and testimonials, I can almost sure that he is really nice. And for me personally, he represents a high quality of man if you are looking for a high quality husband.

On the other side, one thing I barely stand is curiousity. And this "good friend" of mine gave me that for weeks. Well I can't tell everything here since it's online and it means everyone can read everyone will know (hahahahahaha). I have to admit too that the most negatif side in me is that I am a negative thinker. I don't know why, but everytime I know lessabout something, all I can think is negatif negatif negatif. And I know it's killing me, so that is why I need someone to straight it up my mind and the way I think. Thank you to my friends especially Lili, she is the one who helps me the most to straighten' my mind in my darkest moment.

Curiousity + negative thinking = another self-killing factor beside cancer and stuffs like that.

So, I've been tortured for weeks, busy guessing the reason behind my "good friend" unstable act. I was too afraid too ask because I was afraid of the answer. And along with that, I've been tortured by my negative mindset. It's killing me.It's killing me. It's killing me.

Short story, I did finally asked him questions related to what's killing me softly and I was shocked. I felt much guilty and most of all I felt sorry for him. I accused him not right in many terms and meanings without even try to think that maybe he has a reason for his unstable act. And yes he has a reason which make me feel bad until this very moment. He was in a relationship for five years with someone and he said he loved this someone so much. He spent a lot of time with her, never stayed for long at home just to be with her all the time. At one time, the girl left the town to Jakarta and they had a long distance relationship. One year later, the girl called just to break the relationship without any reason and start to ignore him. She even said that she is going to get married.

Right after I heard the story, I can't say anything even to myself. Suddenly I didn't want to be there where I talked to him. Slowly but sure, I finally can see everything more clearer. Maybe he have a trauma or something, I don't know. But sure it hurted him so much. And the most of all, I feel so ashamed to myself. I talked once about the quote in Harper Lee's To Kill a Mocking Bird book, about you can't completely understand someone until you see everything from their point of view, until you slip into their skin and walk the life with their own way. As you can see, I failed to do that. I failed to considering his reason behind everything and I just judged him with my own version. Even the judgement is only in my mind, it's enough to make me ruined myself.

Beside, I don't understand why the women did that to him. With no explanation and with cold hearted, she just dumped him right away. He is a good man - a really good man, and for me, he didn't deserve that. He still don't deserve it at all.

All in all, I finally can see beyond the eyes. To looking for a person to spend your life with, it doesn't always require her/his physical stuff. At the end, what matter the most is his/her heart - how beautiful is he/she inside, not outside.

p.s: I like quotes in the book, it's really inspiring. And the story of the book itself, it's beautiful.

Hepi Niu Yerrr 2009

2009-01-07T12:29:00.005+07:00

Hepi New Yearrrr...Hepi New Yearrrr............!!!! Happy New Year 2009 to you all. We might don't know what is going to happen in this 2009 year, but first we must feel thankful for everything we had in 2008. And I do hope that we will get a better life and will become a better person. :)

It's been a long time since I wrote my last post. And that's because I have a lot of things happened. On December 27th, like I said in the earlier post, I became a bridemaid for Reagan's sister wedding. And if you remember my first impression about become a bridemaid was: excited and can not wait any longer.

So this is my post-impression and comment about became a bridemaid: almost exhausted.

Well, it's not because I wasn't enjoy myself become a bridemaid ; I still love the dress and the hair do, it is just never pass in my mind that if you become a bridemaid, the tiredness, the sleppyness, and the exhausted part is equal to the bride. So if I can take a conclusion here, being a bridemaid = become the bride herself! I slept at 23.30 and have to wake up at 03.00 in the next morning. Next I have to wait approx. 5 1/2 hours only for the make up, and not stop until the wedding reception. I even almost fell asleep at the church!! Geezz..

This is why, I don't like become a party host, especially this kind of party. Wedding I mean.

All I can think about this non-stop one day ritual of wedding is why the bride which supposely have to enjoy herself in the middle of her party, have to torture herself by wake up at 3 o'clock in the morning only fot the make up and hair do and hardly to enjoy herself in her own party at night??

Some said to me that moment like wedding is just come up once in a lifetime. But still, for me it is like torturing myself - once in a lifetime. Can it be simplified or something?

I don't need a big party which you can invite maybe a thousand people there ~ like I will recognize those thousand people. I am dreaming of a simple but nice wedding, which I truly recognize the people I invite (ok, which me and my husband to-be are going to invite). I will pick and wear a simple but nice wedding gown, simple but nice wedding hair do and make up (eww.. I hate make up) , simple and nice wedding party celebration. The conclusion is: I want to enjoy my own wedding moment!! I want to laugh and smile to the people I really know - the people I love, I want to share my special moment - my once in a lifetime moment - with them.

Well, that's my perfect wedding imagination if you ask me. hahahahhaa.

Anyway, have good days and I reaaallly hope this year will be better in everything for us. :D

HAPPY NEEEEWWW YEAAAARRR ALL!!!!!!

Believe

2008-12-25T19:18:00.011+07:00

MERRY CHRISTMASSS TO YOU ALLLL!!!!!!

Wishing you a great moment with your beloved family, friends, and relatives perhaps. :)

Speaking of a word surrender, I remember something Pastor Edwad Supit told us when were at the church last two weeks. He said that (ok, I was distracted by the rain at that time so I don't remember much) sometimes people too much holding the plan, their own plan, so they actually don't know what God's plan for them. They want all the things happens along with their plan without considering maybe the Lord has another plan.

Above all the things in this life, I believe that God or me personally call Him -Lord is the only one who has the power of everything. I believe that something and every little things that happen in this life is allowed by Him. If something or everything not happen in this life, it is also not allowed by Him. He is the power owner, He has control in everything even for the little thing like today is is going to raining or not. But the funny thing is even I know those fact, I can't easily surrender to Him. Most of the time, if I want something to be happened, I keep praying and saying words - asking my plan to be accomplished. I keep asking until I realize that I am tired of it. I am tired of asking. And finally I realize, I am tired controlling my own life and my own agenda. The book I once read, The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren told me that surrender is a hard work. The first time I read those, I said how hard it is? But now I finally realize that yes, surrender is really a hard work. It is not easy to release all your wishes and plans and instead of that you surrender to the Lord who owns my life. But I keep learning to trust Him like this verse in the Bible: (I don't dare to translate it in english so I will write it originally, in Indonesian I mean):

'Percayalah kepada Tuhan dengan segenap hatimu jangan bersandar kepada pengertianmu sendiri. Akuilah Ia dalam segala lakumu, maka Ia akan meluruskan jalanmu.'

That is the verse a pastor from Malaysia once said last sunday. In his preach he said one important thing of all things you need to believe in God is about your soulmate. Well actually he said pasangan hidup but I don't find a proper and fit word to say it. hahaha.

At the very conclusion, the pastor asked us to believe that He will meet you with your soulmate at His right time and His right place. All you have to do is just believe. And to believe, you have to surrender first. And if until today if I am not find my soulmate yet, all I need to have is faith. I believe I have my own soulmate, the one who fits my key, the one who fits my lock. And if the day is come, ......I'm going to tell ya. haohaohaohoahaohoa.=P It is not easy to see that your friends have their couple and you are not. The only problem is I haven't find the best yet. But I keep telling myself that my time will come someday.

I remember I prayed to God once. I said I believe that to find a good man is rare (please do not use your own definition of good here). But please let me have one. I hope it will be come true. :)

And you know what, sometimes when I feel so tired to carry on the problems I have, the best place to cry is in silent, right to Him. That's because He is the one who care a lot. :)

Have a GREAT holiday everyone!!!

I Blame The Rain

2008-12-15T14:32:00.006+07:00

Happy Monday everyone! I am blogging again. I just received this comment from someone in facebook,

"sori ni..koq mirip banget ma foto yang ada d webnya RSHU ?..coba deh liat www.husadautamahospital.com

btw med knal.."

His name is Novralta B. Erlangga, a quite complicated name to spell, eh?

Anyway, from the way he asked me that question, it is pretty clear for me that he isn't believe that the photo in Husada Utama Official website is me. Well I tell you, the photo in that website is truly me. 100% me. It is me who posed like a doctor in that website. Not only in the website, my face is in everywhere. In posters for their Patient Safety Seminar and in their Nov-Dec edition Magazine. I posed as a nurse, as a patient, as a doctor. In that magazine and in that website, I can be anyone. And for the return, I've got a good score for my internship. Quite fair, rite? hahahaha. And oh I tell you, being a model, isn't really comfortable for me. I have to pose here pose there, pose for a couple seconds, pose with different pose for a couple seconds, and so on. I wasn't enjoy it. And I was sleepy at that time. Gee.. But still, having my internship at Husada Utama is really a great experience.

On the other side, yesterday is my first day I am going to the church after weeks since I have to struggling with K (I pass this stuffff!!!!!! hoahoahoahoahoahoahoa). So I went with Fenny and it was raining. It was raining and the flood is everywhere. I got stuck in the car and I can not go out from my car because of the flood for maybe 45 minutes. I blame the rain and the flood for the 45 minutes late. Reagan's car was in front of me at the time when we decided to leave the church and go eat somewhere (I still blame the rain and the flood for this). But a second before we decided to leave, I said to Fenny that maybe we need to listen to some praise and worship songs, hoping a miracle that soon we will get a dry parking space. So I turned my iPod and play Hillsong's With All I am song. It's a joke actually. But a miracle is really happened! I got this dry and new parking space!!! I called Reagan and tell him to park his car next to mine. But the adventure wasn't stop there. Me, Fenny, Reagan, and Eoh had to walk to the church under our own umbrella, try to avoid the rain and the flood. The result? Our shoes are completely wet. Our jeans completely wet, us...completely wet. The pastor who preached yesterday was Pastor Edward Supit. He is me and Jackson's favorite pastor. He preached well actually. But the rain and the flood and the 45 minutes-waiting-in-the-car stuff kind of distracted my concentration. The funny thing about yesterday is: me, Fenny, and Eo..we all in the same color of clothes..yellow.

taken by: Reagan W. Kusuma

At the end, it still good to see them all. :)

Another plan: Watch The Day When The Earth Stood Still with whoever, revise the K and then submit them this Friday, make appointment to hang out with Joel and friends, and go to Dewi's sister 17th Birthday Party this Saturday and find her a present.

Twilight = Cute Vampire

2008-12-11T21:32:00.004+07:00

Twilight is awesome! Well at least for girls. At least for me and Luce. hahaha.

One or two things I like from Twilight are:

The vampire is cute.
The vampire is cool.
The vampire is really really super sweet to this girl Bella.
The whole vampire family is nice and welcoming.
The baseball game a la vampire is nonsense but incredible.

It is actually a classic film about a vampire fall in love in human. The first time I heard about this movie, all I think about is this is kind of Buffy the vampire slayer type of film. Nothing something. Buffy fall in love with Angel (which Angel is really handsome too) but there is nothing special about the movie. I can't spesifically tell what's that something special about this movie but I think me and Luce and some other girls being excited after watched this movie is a proof that this movie is good, for girls. One thing I noticed was this vampire Edward is really care for Bella. He really sweet and he did many of things that make me and Luce feel like melting or something. And then, me and Luce come up with one conclusion: if there is a guy as sweet as Edward in real life, we won't bother the vampire blood that runs through his vein. haohaohoahoahaohaoa. Thank God there is no such like a vampire in this life. Or at least I never heard about that. ehehe. :p

Anyway, I went to the mall today and IDEKO just opened! If you are in Surabaya, you will know that IDEKO is a store that sells interior, decoration, and home equipment just like Floral Home or Vinoti. But what I love the most from it is the store decoration itself. It is very homey, very-very..whatever. They design every corner with different concept. In one corner, they put the kitchen equipment WITH the real kitchen in it. It is like they want to show us and give us ideas about how you are going to decorate your kitchen with their stuffs. And since I loooveeeeee everything about interior and home decoration, I really loooveeeee to stay there as long as possible. Believe me, my favorite store isn't SOGO or Charles and Keith. My favorite stores are supermarkets and stores like IDEKO, Floral Home, ACE Hardware, the places I can find unique home decoration and things like that.

p.s: I can't understand men. I can't understand men especially above my age. I have best friends which are men but I still don't get this one. Gosh.

Time Will Tell

2008-12-09T21:00:00.006+07:00

Gud nite everyone! It is cold and rainy here, which is good because I like rain and I like cold better than hot and kemarau season. :D

Anyway, on of my best friend said to me once recently,

" What am I suppose to do to forget him???"

She said that sentence over and over again to me so I have no clue what am I suppose to do either to make her feel better. The first time she said that, I told her this: "You can't wish that in the moment you want those feeling to be gone, then it is gone. It takes time to be gone. Time will heal, time will tell. Just keep on moving this life. If those pain and those feeling still there, maybe it is suppose to be there somehow. I believe that everything has its own limit. And someday, you will reach that limit when you feel tired to have those hopeless and painful feeling, by then, the feeling will be gone by itself. Pushing it too hard just make everything worse. "

I am not being wise here, but at least that's what believe and that's what did happened to me years ago. I can't push a feeling to be gone. If that happen, I am no longer human. huahauhau. Yes it is true that if you have feeling for someone who don't love you back, it's hurt..it's painful. If you can not be with someone you really love, that's hurt too. But you can't just wish you don't have that feeling and you wish that you will be fine in a blink of an eye. You have to get through it, no matter how hard it is. But the good thing is, I believe that everything including everyone have its own limit. Someday, you will feel tired to keep carry on those feeling in your heart plus if the time is right, the feeling will be gone. You will fall in love again and sure you will be loved in return.

Well once again, that's my theory. We will see if this theory of mine is going to work on her. :)

On the other side, last Wednesday I went to House of Lea, the place where Ce Veronica (Reagan's sister who soon will get married) will do the make up and fitting the wedding gown. I went there because I am going to be the bridemaid for her!! :D I tried several gown and voila I got this one gown. It is yellow sampanye color and it's beautiful! It's perfect. Tres Bien. I love that gown and I can not wait to wear it this December 27th. Plus, this is the first time I will see myself wearing a gown, a reaall one for a reeaalll wedding celebration.

Can not wait! :D

Next plan: Go hang out with old friends, watch Twilight and Bold, submit the hard cover internship report, submit the revision for kolokium, fitting the gown one more time, go hang out with Fritz and Pratama, find out what happen with my DVD ROM, find a birthday gift for him, dye my hair, find the next episode of Brothers and Sisters, go and eat ayam tulang lunak Malioboro - Hachi-hachi - The Duck King - The Rock, and wait for the transporter 3.

I Did It!!! Yay!!!!

2008-12-02T12:20:00.005+07:00

Monday, December 01, 2008 1.30 pm is my most memorable time in this year. Because in that time,

I FINALLY PASS THE KOLOKIUM STUFF!!!!!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHA..

oye.oye.oye.

I am soooo excited, happy, full of joy, full of happiness, and relieve. ahakahakahak. Finally, after a long way road and a long struggle I can pass this whole nightmare. It also means no more paper, no more books, no more stressful, no more pain in the ass. hehe. Yesterday, right after I got home from campus, the first thing I did was collect all my papers and books, put the books in the drawer and throw away the papers into the bin. So pai-pai my tons of books and papers and welcome holiday and fun! Thank you Lord for the chance, thank you my friends for all the supports: Yuni, Lili, Vonny, Vipe, Nita, Long-long, Novita, Delfi, Eunike, Fritz, Fenny, Luce, Jack, and others. I do thank you! :) I also want to say a lot of GOOD LUCK to the rest of you who still have to fight the kolokium thing, all the best for ya!

Meanwhile, let have a lot of good time this holiday. But speaking of holiday, I assume there will be a lot of have fun go mad acivities like go out with your friends. Lucy is here and so the others so it is like a perfect time to do the reunion. Well, not reunion actually.Just meet, greet, and share stories and just simply do a lot of fun together. When I was about putting some photos to my ipod (thanks to luce), I saw that old photos of mine with my friends from elementary schoolmates reunion, high school reunion, New year's eve BBQ party, and a lot more. It really awake me, remind me of every details how I really-really used to be there, used to be in that time, used to be with them in that time and in that place in that very moment. I realize then that each photo is just a part of the memory that we can recall. It already happened, and all we can do is just play it back...in our head, in our memory. But I never forget that I used to have a good time with them, and for me it is enough to keep that in mind. :)

Oh..I miss my friends..huhuhu.

Anyway, I want to say thank you once again to Luce, for the too late or too soon birthday gift: An ipod Nano (red edition it is!! :D) Muchas Gracias Luce!

Again, have a lot of luck for all my kolokium fighters, may God be with you.

HAPPY HOOOOOOLIIIDAAAY ALL!!!!!!!!! Have a lot of fun. Ciao!

Hoooooorrrible Nightmare Ever!

2008-11-20T20:10:00.005+07:00

This week is my most horrible nightmare for this entire year. I have two deadlines, which all the deadlines make me double-dead. My first deadline is the my internship final report. Thank you to Mrs. Priiida, for the horrible schedules and thank you again to the Kolokium Coordinator whoever you are for the hooorible schedule too. Now I am officially have Prida feeeveeerr.....Gee.

The bad part is I am changing my Kolokium topic, which is mean that I need to change alll the entire chapter, from Latar Belakang Masalah (what I should call it in english?), the theories (a lot of theories), and the Research Method. I need to work on it start from the scratch, from piece to piece and gather it into a beautiful but deadly kolokium proposal. Oh Mai God.

The worst part, is that I finally have to face what I hate. The funny thing is I found out this another life law - at least it always works on me , that what you hate will soon come back to you. Like in this kolokium, I convince myself that I won't and I will never want to "play" two variables in my research paper. For the example, you will have two variables if you pick a topic like " pengaruh x terhadap y". There you go, you have two variables. But I want to play safe by only put single variable in my topic like "opini mengenai x". That's one variable and simple. You don't need to analysis it with some complicated formula and else.

BUT...!!! Once again, my life law work well. I change my topic and I really have a heart in this topic. But yes, this topic is two variables and whether I want it or not, I have to make it two instead of one.

So the moral story of this nightmare story is....don't hate anything. The more you hate something or even someone, they will coming back to you. And like I said, at least that works on me. huhu.

As I struggle in this K class, I admit that sometimes I feel like I want to give it up. But I realize that I am allowed to do this crazy procedure with purposes. I also realize that there is no accident in this world and in this life. Everything were set from the beginning, and if we are allowed to feel something, some experiences even the bad one, that's because it has to be that way. I tried to connect the dots from my past and I am still amaze how even those bad experiences that I had made me become who I am today. I was put in Communication Faculty to meet Vipe, Nita, Yuni, Lili, Tansil, Vonny, etc. and I am thankful for that. And the last, believe that I was put in Husada Utama for my second internship for reasons. :) I don't know what are they yet, but as the time goes by, I think I will found out.

Anyway, I just want to say that everything happen for a reason, or maybe reasons!

We will never know what it is.

But just by believing that there is someOne who really have a bigger power in His hand to make everything happen or not happen, I think that's enough to be a life-time guarantee that our life are going just fine. :D

To my dearest and poor Kolokium friends:

WE WILL FIGHT TOGETHER!!! Owww yeaaahh!!!

key words: horibble, nightmare, crazy.

Different

2008-11-05T08:24:00.008+07:00

Haiii good day everyone! It's November 5th and it's Novi and my brother's birthday, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU TWOO!!!!! all the best for you always.

Being different or doing something different or even maybe going through something different is not that easy to get through. I mean, if you going through something that different or not sound like familiar to your society, then you really-really need to have courage in yourself to keep going through what you are going through right now.

What I'm trying to say is I am going through, doing through, walking through something different than my society right now. And really it is not easy to get through it because it is not familiar or you can call it lazim in Indonesia (please don't intepret that I am going through something bad or weird, believe me I am not). I asked so many people about this and they gave me different opinions, each of them. Some of them said they good things even encourage me, which is good. But some of them react negatively at the first time they heard about my story and some of them react still negatively after that anyway. But at some point, I feel tired to hear all their opinions. Not because I don't like to hear what they say about this, it is just tiring.

They say so many things to me and especially to my head, and my thought is like being played by all those different opinions. Sometimes I agree sometimes I don't. Sometimes it make me have courage sometimes it is not. Sometimes I scared sometimes I don't.

And then I realize that I heard too much. I am afraid that if someday I have to make a decision, an important one, and I still heard those different opinions, my decision could be a decision that it's not what I really-really want - what myself really-really want.

So I start to close my ear, just being deaf for a moment. It doesn't mean that I am being stuborn then, but I just really-really want to think about it myself, to figure that this is really-really what I want, because this is me who going through this - not other people. This is my life and I know what the best for me.

People can say anything, opinions differ. But it is my life after all. So it is myself who I need to listen to.

Of course the consequence is that I need to have faith to get through what I already decided. It is not easy, but that the fact of life..you still need to move on. Every decision comes with consequences. If you already decide, then you have to accept the consequences too. That's a life's law. Sometimes it's not easy especially when you stuck in the middle of two or more decisions, which whatever the decision you make will lead you to some bad consequences.

But if you're not decide, your life is not moving on. You are not win or you are not lose. So if you have to face a decision, then decide it. But accept those with the consequences.

Anyway, yesterday was a good day. I went to Tretes with some of my friends and it was really really a one fine escape moment. The weather is good, the scenery is wonderfully beautiful, and the food is awesome. I went to this pondok? gubuk? I don't know what to call but this place has the best seafood in East Java. Well, not all seafood, actually they only have kepiting, udang, and ikan gurame. But those gurame and udang are great. awesome. tasty. Whatever you may call it. My favorite is gurame bakar madu and their udang bakar madu. Awesome.awesome.awesome.

Ooo...I've got an update. The name of the restaurant a la gubuk is Mang engking. Weird name, but wonderful food inside. Worth to try. Yuuuummmm..

Myself and Lili at The Taman Dayu - so damn beautiful (I mean The Taman Dayu.hehe)

Chirstmas is near!!

2008-11-01T11:20:00.004+07:00

November is here!
Finally we reach almost the end of the year again and I always love to be around that time. Many good things are going to happen and many good things I expect to be happened in this month and the next month and the next-next months. Lucy are going to come home after almost a year not see her (I miss her badly), that's the good thing that will happen in the end of this month. Yay! And the other good thing I expect to be happened is of course the one and only long lasting pain and suffer of mine, the K thing. I hope I can pass this periode. If not, I will scream out loud. Well at least if I can not scream out loud for real, I can scream here, if that's OK. hoahoahoa.

The next month we will have a chirstmas celebration. I always love christmas. And I really want to celebrate christmas like those western people celebrate christmas. I've seen enough in the film or in DVD how American people get so excited to ceelbrate chirstmas. They go shopping for a big chirstmas tree, they buy chirstmas presents for the entire family and friends, they decorate their house (and the christmas tree) so beautiful, and the important part is...the warmth because of togetherness. The family gather, they share love and stories, laugh and happiness,hug and sing together, you know...do whatever the family tradition they have. With the snow outside the house and the christmas songs you can hear everyhere, it is just..lovely.
Well, I will never have a christmas like that because I live in Indonesia which this country doesn't familiar with snow and my family isn't a type of family who really have concern about christmas. So, what I can do at least is try to make my own chirstmas tradition, later, when I have my own family.

Speaking of having my own family, I recently watched this DVD series titled Brothers and Sisters. Vipe who introduce this to me. The series is about a family, or basically tell a story of relationship between brothers and sisters. And at the end the series showed how precious a family is. The series told me, personally, that at the end of everything, family is all you have. Family is the place you go home to. You will always find love, care, protection, advocacy, and support. Sometimes you can fight with your family, you can have a thousand different thought and argument with them, but at the end of the day, it is still your family you come home to.

Anyway, I've been addicted to something recently. It is called ayam tulang lunak in Indonesian. I don't want to translate it into english because it will sound creepy isn't it? This is...for me...is the bestest fried chicken in the whole world ever! Plus, you can eat it up until the bone of the chicken. It will make your plate come clean and there will be no bones everywhere.

Like I said, I am addicted to it. If I can, I will come to the restaurant everyday. I don't mind, really. But somehow I know it's silly. hauhauhauhau.

I like to introduce a blog, an all-about-health blog created by Dr. Adhi. So if any of you have any interest and big curiosity about health and stuff or maybe you are a health freak and always feel thirsty about health knowledges just visit his: doctoradhi

Be happy always, happy is a good feeling. Have a blessed month everyone!

Die Kolokium Die!!

2008-10-19T22:17:00.003+07:00

Happy sunday all. I hope that this day is just going well, not like mine, which mine is a disaster weekend because I have to submit again my proposal for my K class. And this time, the second periode give us a little time, so little time to prepare and submit the proposal. I have to change my topic and so on, and I am stuck in the middl because I don't how exactly I can get an idea for my K topic only in 3 days. I's so dead this time. So this sunday, when I suppose to go to the church and have fun, have a day off - I end up sit in front my computer doing nothing but chat, friendstering, and goggling. Well, I try to work on it, but it is look like my brain don't want to cooperate or something plus my whole body is in pain, and I am tired, exausted,and I can't do something about it all. Yesterday, I have to be a bride LO again for Jubilee with Lili and I work from morning until almost 12 midnight. So my legs are hurt, my back is in pain, and my brain is demonstrating me. I feel dead today. And I think I force myself too much.
This whole K thing is almost kill me. One day, I feel tired enough and I feel like I want to give up. I start to say what if I give up and I don't want to continue this damn whole thing anymore? But the I come to a thought which said that what will you do if you stop? And my other thought said..well, get married. hahaooaoahoa.
But then I decide not to give up. All I need is a time out. But my dearest lectures have a problem with that request, I guess.
I see a quite interesting thing from me and my friends who fight with me in K class. We are in the same class, we fight the thing, and we struggle together. We have different topics, but here what catch my attention. We are in the same concentration: Corporate Communication, but each of us have our own interest. I have my interest in marketing communication and corporate communication. No matter how hard I try, I have no heart in Organizational Communication or Cultural Communication. But Vipe has her intereat in cultural communication and Nita has her interst in Organizational. Lili loves Media Relations, and Yuni loves Crisis Communication. We are all have our own interest and maybe specialty. So do human. Every of us has our own talent. And that's perhaps, which make each of us rare and special.
Ah..ebough talking, back to work.
I really-really need a time out right now. Gee..

MovingFoward

2008-10-13T16:50:00.004+07:00

Hola everyone! Hope everything still going well, eventhough the economic situation doesn't say so. But just try to be happy. Happy is a good feeling. Like meee...eventhough my presentation was a nightmare, but I'm quite in a good condition and in a good feeling. hoahaohaoha.. Well, maybe that's because I have the other good news to cover my biiiggg dissapointment about the K thing. ehehehe.. Well, at least I'm fine. After the long-torturing weekends I spent for this K thing, I think I need to relax for a little while. So I start with hangout with my dearest bestest friend Jack, just to forget everything bad and spent a time to share about anything with him. I love hanging around with him. He is a good friend and I value him a lot. Everyone who never know us see that we could be in a more-than-a-friend condition. But I really hope that he could be my best friend forever. I don't want more or less than that, believe me.

The next day I spent my weekend with Yuni and Eunike, which is it's like a reunion after months because Yuni and Eunike went to Jakarta for their internship before.

Then the next next day, I went to the church with my ond friends Dewi, Jackson, Reagan, and Eo. Ahhh...I always love to see them.

So that's how I spent my weekend last weekend, by meeting, talking, sharing, eating (I ate a lot. I run out energy for months so this is a good timing to, you know, put my energy back to my body ), walking, and doing anything I don't care. I just need a refreshment before I get back to the next K class this week.

Recenty, I tried one or two or maybe many-many things that I never did before. I am moving on. Well, it doesn't mean that I'm not moving not before this, but this time...I really-really act moving on. I did things people do when they move on. And the most important thing is I made myself make a breakthrough, a big one, that I never made before. If you remember my latest entry about someone over my age and my social life, that's what I'm talking about. It is not easy, but I think I made it step by step. I'm not decide yet, I don't dare yet. But I think when I am sure about this whole two different world stuffs and I am ready to face what I'm suppose to face, I know what decision I am going to make.

So thank you to many-many persons for keeping my thought on the right track, and always supporting me in many different ways (include you Jack, which your first reaction is very-very "helping". haha. Anyway, thanks.) I still wish I'm choosing the right not the wrong.

Anyway, my monitor is new. Yayyy!!! And I start to enjoy my internship. Today, my mentor in the office offered me a job in Husada Utama. But what a shame, I'm not graduate yet, so I have to postpone that. I end up my internship officially this wednesday. I'm going to miss HU and the people there and I hate to say goodbye. I will miss Mbak Niken, Mbak Erna, Mbak Sandra, Mbak Wiwik, Mbak Mirna, Pak Nyo, Dr. D, Dr. D's son - Zacky - he is a cccuuuttteee little boy (Gosh, I love that kid very much), Dr. Sawitri, Dr. Koemala, Dr. Heru, Dr. Hartoyo, Dr. Sony, Bu Sari, Bu Santi, Pak Reza, and so on. They are great and nice to me. Very very nice to me. And I am so thankful for that.

Oohhh I still hate to say goodbye. I hate goodbyes. huhuhuhu.

I capture my last day in the Husada Utama

MyPreciousMonitor

2008-10-07T21:07:00.002+07:00

I don't know what happen with me recently, but it is like all the wrong things just come up to me all in one same time. Remember the virus (damn you virus) that took away my precious kolokium files? The next day after the incident, I found out that MY MONITOR...MY PRECIOUS MONITOR IS JUST... R.I.P. I don't know what happen and the important thing is whhhhhyyy...why you, the monitor, choose to end your life in the crucial timing like this??? Aaaaarrrghh....hate you monitor, damn you monitor, screw you monitor!! The monitor finally getting better after 5 hours later. But the brightness isn't very bright or you can call it dark. Imagine this, just adjust your brightness function in your monitor into the darkest level. Then voila, that's exactly the condition of my monitor's brightness now. I think I need a new monitor. I have to have a new monitor. So pai-pai old monitor, and welcome new monitor I don't know when. I need to finish my kolokium stuff first which btw, this friday is my preciouskolokium presentation day. Oh..My...God.
I put all my efforts, my energy, my thoughts, my all..to this K thing. So I just hope everything is going well, as I hope. As I do really-really hope.
After that monitor incident, my bad luck isn't just stop there. I found out later that I run out the paper and then I found out that I run out the ink. This whole K thing is killing me softly. Now I catch a cold, my head is dizzy, my throat hurt, and I still have a presentation to go on Friday. And I'm not prepare yet. Poor me.

Speaking of a new topic, Bu sari, a doctor administrative officer in Husada Utama said to me today about an age difference between a man and a women in a relationship. She said that a man with a big difference in age with a women (in a relationship context) will have a better understanding, will have a better care for his wife rather than a man with an equal or small difference in age with his wife. He will be more mature and financially mature. Well she said all that stuff to me with a "purpose"" of course. But it lead me to a thought in my head, and I realize it maybe true. If you marry someone with an equal or less or more age, you probably will get fight a lot, you argue a lot, because you have your ego and so does your couple. But if you marry someone let say, 10 years difference at age, he will be more...in Javanese you call it ngemong. What is ngemong in english btw?

But the strange thing is when I realize this is true, my other logic thought can not accept that. Well, maybe that's because I've surrounded by men and women at my age. But when it is time for me to meet someone far from my age, my society circle, my 21 age life - which the time is now - then it is time for to decide too. I know I have to fight the battle in my thought which is very hard to beat. Very hard. I don't know where it could be end up, but I hope everytime I make a decision, I make a right decision. Because I know, one I make a decision, it will lead me to a big step of my life and I will never be able to look back.

I'm dizzy.dizzy.dizzy.dizzy.dizzy.dizzy.dizzy.dizzy.dizzy.dizzy

MYPRECIOUSKOLOKIUM

2008-10-01T13:55:00.017+07:00

First of all, Happy Lebaran for those who celebrate. Maapkan.maapkan.maapkan segala kesalahan saya selama ini.hoahaohoa.

I don't know why, I feel like I'm not in the mood to write anything except of my K proposal. Next week is my dead week, because I have to do the presentation so I feel like I really-really not in the mood to do anything unimportant. Well, that's my real deal from me to myself. But the fact said the opposite. I didn't touch the computer even friendster for almost a week and by that fact, it meant I never touch my proposal at all. ehehehe.

This is the first day since weeks ago I touch the keyboard, ready to work on my proposal, prepare anything for next week.ow yeah. fight!

But this morning when I want to open my kolokium folder in my flash disk, I found something shocking and reallu really make me dead. I lost all the forders in the FD and that include my kolokium folders!!!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaa......!!!!!!! This must be because of virus from..I don't know from where eating my folders....

MYPRECIOUSKOLOKIUMFOLDER...

HUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHU.

My God..I'm so dead.

Whhyyyy....whyyyy from all those files in my FD, you choose to eat the most important precious godly holly kolokium files???? The other scary fact is I have to submit my final proposal by next monday. I'm double dead. I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm d.e.a.d.

Later like there is a light bulp above my head, I check my back up files in my D drive anddddd TING!! thank God I, by luck still have the back up files eventhough it's not the latest update files. ahakahakahak. At least I do not need to work from the very start. If it happen, maybe I will scream and call everyone I can call just to grumble about this big loss in my academic life.

Die you virus. Hate you virus. Screw you virus. Damn you virus.

%$@$@$#%^#$#$%#%#!!!!

So this is me taking a break from my almost-loss-of-my-kolokium-files-in-my-FD-shock-therapy. I just pray that there is nothing happen with my computer until next week, so I can finish and prepare my presentation well. Ossshh..

These weeks, my head is just like evaluate something which relate with boyfriend/girlfriend and husband/wife thing. I heard so many stories which said that in the time you were in a realtionship with a girl or a boy, he or she will be nice to you. You only see the good side of her/him. But after ou getting married, unfortunately all you see is just the real side of your couple, which sometimes you can't juts accept it. So it's kind of shock in the time you realize the truth. Then the anger, the fights, and the divorce word come out just that easily.

So I've been analyze this situation. What's wrong? who is wrong? And what to be fixed to make those kind of situation never happen again especially for me?

So I come up with conclusion which is for me it is work (and hopefully it is work), that we don't need to pretend to be someone else to impress the one we love. Love accept everything we are and that include our weaknesses. If you don't accept the bad thing, then the love isn't complete. It isn't love. Just be yourself and be your truly self.

One more thing I know is we marry a person not based on how rich his family is, how handsome or beautiful he or she is, how gifts he or she ever give you. It will all gone by time.

We marry a person based on how faithful he/she is, how kind and how he/she honor us, how he/ she tell and show that he/she loves you through the way he/she treats you and how he/she make you feel everyday.

Someone worth enough to be by your side, through thick and thin, and be a happy couple forever.

And those kind of search.....never easy to be found. So lucky you, if you already found it. Treasure it well. =)

p.s:

1. F1 Singapore is rocks! So stupid of Massa, he lost it all in a blink of eyes.

2. I watched the Pursit of Happyness yesterday, and I was a good film. It said...if everything fails, count yourself and yourself only. Don't let someone tell you that you can't do anything. You can do anything.

3. I listened to this song a lot recently, A man who can't be moved. This is a good song with stupid yet loveable lyric. But I wonder if there is a man who actually do that in the real life.

A man who can't be moved lyric

4. Finallyyyyyyy, I have my own SIM and I have my new KTP. hip hip huraaayy!

5. Chuck season 2 is coming!! oww yeah.

6. I watched a korean film titled A man once a superman. I got this from Vipe (you can read the entire story of the film in her blog: We're all can be a superman), this is a really good movie. It said that no need t have a superpower to be a superman or friends of superman like batman, robin,wonder women, or else. All you need is a superheart inside of you. Superheart enough to help others, not a big help but every little things around us. I like the wonder women lasso scene in that film. Oh..I will tell you later. I enough talking here.

Gotta go! Happy holiday all!